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does simple thing bother you from PILs?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Anamika99, Sep 14, 2012.

  1. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Sometime i get so angry inside myself or frustrated or unhappy on a simple line my PILs will say or simple thing they will do.

    My DH is travelling today. Just one day travel. left today morning and coming late around 8-9pm. So he might be taking dinner out. As soon as my DH goes out, my MIL makes plan to go out and do something...not that we do not take them out enough.

    Now having said that every Thursday i do grocery shopping from Indian store and I also have play dates for my son on the same day. So play date works out then I may do shopping on friday.

    My FIL just called at work and left a message 'come home early and we all will go for grocery shopping"
    after hear that message, I am angry , tensed and worried and not happy at all." his voice was not pleasant and not harsh either, it was more like monotonous. I am not sure why i have weird feelings and I hate what he left in message? Why?

    I feel like 'no' and also feel like telling DH tomorrow "come home soon today, i need to finish this work today" just to show them...why?

    i want these uneasy feeligns to go away
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Instead tell DH tomorrow, "Come home soon today, let's you and I have a playdate" :)

    Jokes aside, those uneasy feelings are part of having many things going on - playdate, grocery shopping, one depending on the other. You would prolly have the same feelings with a friend who is not good at returning playdate related calls, or rarely hosts, or cancels at last minute...

    You can vent to DH about coordinating different events like grocery shopping and playdates etc., but don't take it out on him, he cannot help that his father left the 'come home early' message.

    BTW, sometimes messages left in voice-mail get "lost" and you never hear them....:wink: just a thought....
     
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  3. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah OP :thumbsup, if you have not returned the call to FIL yet, you could say that you were busy with meetings all day and did not get a chance to check voice-mail. Dont reach home early as per what FIL asked you.. just go on your usual time.Pretend that you never heard the message .
     
  4. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Ho Both, thanks for replying.

    I can play with that trick if it was left on my cell. But he left msg at work number. He knows (through my DH) that it is easy for me check msg left on work number as it comes by e-mail as well translated into words. And e-mail is always open for us.

    @rihana....yes i wish i can have play date with my DH, i really wish.

    I have been thinking....what troubles me about this matter is...

    they (i m sure it is MIL who came up with idea, and it is pity that my MIL does not know how to call somebody so she asks FIL to make calls) did not think about me before ORDERING me to come soon. They should have ask if i can make it early. How can they simply expect me to come early
    Also specially knowing this week i have been comign early
    Monday - For my son's doc appointment
    Teusday - For my son's chess class
    Wednesday - for my son's piano class
    And now on thursday - to get indian grocery

    And when they know it is playdate day for son, why can't they wait till tomorrow?
    It is a week day for my son, they know he has homework, and no point in taking him to gorcery, if it was time spent for DS interest say playdate, or taking him to zoo, i can still understand.

    I am likely to say i have meeting 4-5 so latest i can come is 5.20 but that is not the point, not cosndiering that i might not be able to leave, why can't the just ask if i can leave early instead of just assuming i can leave early.
     
  5. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    I guess your anger is a manifestation of some other frustration which is lying dormant.try to figure that out and analyse it.

    Maybe your PIL's have thought that since you do grocery shopping on thursday lets all go together rather than you doing it alone. they might not be as educated as you are and may not know the politeness while leaving message.just don't take it seriously.

    if you have a valid reason for not coming early,call them and tell that you will take them another day and continue with your work.
     
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  6. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    I totally absolutely agree with you Anamika99,its basic manners.Even our own parents call and ask whether we are free,even if I have to make some plans with my husband,I have to check first if he is free.
    I suggest even though you are angry,you vent it here but call them up and sweetly tell them you are busy today and cant go grocery today,so will stick to routine.Keep it short,simple and polite!
     
  7. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    Tell them since hubby is not there,you decided to catch up on pending work at office.
    Its not your problem that you have to entertain in laws 6 months every damn yesr.Once a while when in laws come we can make some sacrifices,but coming every 6 months a year and expecting you to change your plans and ordering you is too much!
    Just be polite and refuse,that way you can live peacefully!
     
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  8. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey come on...one day you can go early. If you can't then just call them up and tell them politely. Sometimes small things are irritating...but they want to spend time with you and grandson so it is OK. Don't make it into such a big deal.
     
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  9. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    It's just cumulative. Even if the lines are simple, if they come too frequently, it becomes frustrating.


    Learn to say no. Do what you want to do. Be aware of your decisions. Think about what you want to do. If you want to go or not and tell them accordingly. Either way it's your decision. They can ask you, but they cannot force you.
     
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  10. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Inlaws have taken the DIL for granted, they think we are supposed to do it when they have made a decision.

    In your case I think they felt they have all the rights to ask you come early for grocery shopping , even if it is for their own son they would have checked if he is free or requested him to take them out but for DIL they think we ought to listen to them first by leaving our all other priorities.
    As Monita said " learn to say No" but very politely in such a way that they should get the message that next time they better check with you if it is possible and it should be a request and not order.
     

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