Does Mil Live With You?

anika987 · Jul 17, 2024

Mom In law is alone in India .She lives in a secure apartment with good neighbors. However she feels lonely. She isn't a bad person but I value my freedom a lot. Personally have gone through a lot and only now my life is shaping up the way I want it to be..also having lived a certain way for 20 years..it's tough to change my way of life. Mil can give non stop advice or u guys know..usual problems. However i feel super super guilty that am leaving her alone and that am a bad person. When in-laws get old or one is alone do you bring them abroad?

MalStrom · Jul 17, 2024

Is she asking to stay with you?

lavani · Jul 17, 2024

but can she move. are you guys citizen to sponser gc. how is her health. you are working now. so do not overthink as time together will be less.

Rihana · Jul 17, 2024

anika987 said: ↑

However i feel super super guilty that am leaving her alone and that am a bad person..
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If at all anyone is to feel guilty, it is your husband. Don't borrow guilt. It's a blanket not to be shared.

when inlaws get old or one is alone do you bring them abroad?
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Yes, many people do that. And many also find good quality senior living facilities or at-home nurse/ companion arrangement. Again, don't borrow the responsibility. Support the effort but don't own it.

And, don't allow your MIL to live rent-free in your head. : )

Viswamitra · Jul 18, 2024

What is your husband's view on this? Is he asking you to consider moving his mother over to the US? If he is asking you, you should consider asking her to move to the US for temporary period on a visitor's visa and experience living in the US for a while. Perhaps, she may not like it after all without interacting with many friends in the nearby apartments back in India. Mostly, the other side is green for human beings.

Before you begin sponsoring greencard and so on, you should explore it by asking her to stay temporarily in the US for a while. Keeping her in a separate apartment in the US is an expensive option besides healthcare. Even if she becomes a greencard holder, she may not be eligible for Medicare until after 5 years.

In other words, besides your own emotions, you need to also evaluate the financial implications of bringing her permanently to the US, if the present arrangement back in India is working well already other than the lonely feeling.

If that is what your husband wants to do, like what @Rihana said, support it but don't own it.