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Does married life means that girl should no more have her own dreams?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Pink123, Apr 11, 2013.

What should I do ?

  1. Adjust and live with him doing only house chores

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Keep fighting till he accepts

    33.3%
  3. Divorce and live happily

    33.3%
  4. Go away from him and live separately (with his parents)

    33.3%
  1. Pink123

    Pink123 New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    We got married since 2012 and its going to be a year now.
    We both are well educated and his family members are also well educated.
    But I am unable to pursue my dreams. Yes, all his in-laws and my husband are against for going to job. I cannot be keeping my mouth shut as I am very ambitious. Before marriage my husband was OK with me going to job. Why are they so against ? My husband says if I go to job I will neglect family and he wants family to be put in first place. Although I convinced him so many times that I wont neglect family, he is still against it. Before married he seemed to be a very broad minded person who is educated and he has masters in abroad. Why does he thinks I should not work. How come young generation like me can be quite when we are opposed to having our own dreams and wishes? Every time I ask him he says so many reason like I wont be able to take leaves, I wont take care of family, I will be rude if I go to job etc., Ours is arranged marriage and how can he think about me like this ? I am not such a person. If I talk about working, he shouts and yells at me. His anger goes to peak. He does not wants to have kids now, so I always feel bored and resentful at home. He says I should divorce him I have to go to job. In Chennai people wont take divorce easily and there will be lot of problem after that but for that should I live my life without any purpose? Even my mom is in a very prestigious position at her work , wont I want to be like her ?
    My dear friends, I am so confused please help me. Don't say I can convince him in future because he is not at all a kind of person who listens and understands others easily. He has his own set of rules.
     
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  2. lilypad

    lilypad Silver IL'ite

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    I have never been able to understand why this work v/s family stuff is only for women. Isn't a man a part of the family too?
    Well, I would suggest try and reason with him (though you seem to have tried this already). Obviously working has several benefits for you (more confidence, self esteem , fulfillment at work) but there are several benefits to having a wife who is independent and earning. It takes the 'provider' pressure off from your husband and he can take some risks in his career, maybe to follow his dream profession, maybe to start his own business, or to spend more time with his family , or even just to be able to afford a better lifestyle.

    But if he doesn't budge, I think you can consider a separation. I understand that this may not be popular opinion, but its my opinion. Working and financial independence are non-negotiable for me. And I think that marriage or any relationship cannot come at the cost of things you hold most dear to yourself.
     
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