Does having daughters make a difference?

Hey lovelydoll,

I am in the same situation as u r. My DH is the only son and as u can very well imagine, my mom-in-law is extremely possessive about him. (about me as well, but it is an entirely different matter). She keeps telling me that I m her daughter (when she has to cry, she will cry saying this).

It is an individual's perception about daughters and DILs. My friends keep telling me that I m so lucky to not to have any BIL or SIL issues, but frankly I wouldnt have minded some company. My in-laws are quite old, and their son (my DH, as this is how I have to refer to him most of the time when I talk to them) does not mingle much with his cousins.

My mum-in-law shares things with me, though not always. But personally I m not open to that. She will complain about it, so if I ask to wear one of her numerous saress, surprise surprise, she would have planned on wearing it herself. If I offer mine to her, she will say, your silk sarees are way too grand for me to wear. Offer her a simple one, she will say mine are better than yours. But to be honest, she did wear a couple when she was with us the last time. Result, my DH said please each of you wear yours, and no sharing business.

As for jewellery, when she buys anything new, she will show it to my parents and say, I got this for your daughter, whether I get to wear it is an entire different matter. She gifted a simple necklace for our first wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, it got tangled in my hair and broke. She got it repaired promptly, but I have not worn it since. Ask her about it, her reply, after me all this is going to come to u, so why do u hurry?? :confused2:.. when we did my dad-in-law's 70th b'day celebs here, she again gifted me with a chain. I rather liked it very much and did wear to quite a few places. When we went to India the next year, I decided to take my jewellery and leave it there, having a few simple pieces to wear here. The chain was my favourite and I decided to have it here. My mom-in-law had actually asked her son(!) to bring it there, so that she could wear it. I was not aware of this as my DH forgot to mention it to me..on the day we were leaving, as I was sorting out the jewels, I left the box with the chains I wanted here on the bed, to answer the phone. My DH assumed that I left it out by mistake and put it in the bag. I had no idea, as when I asked him about the box, he said I put it inside..Landed in India, got home, the first question she asks me, where is the chain? That was the first time I heard about it, so I said it is bak in London. She was quite upset. Her comment to me was, 'I had not worn it much, so I wanted to wear it for some more time, that is why I asked him to bring it'. (Me finding it and giving it to her and getting her 'archanai' is another story)

She tries hard, to be honest. She looks at new designs and always wants to buy things for me. When I ask her not to, she gets offended and says if ur parents or sis got it for u, u wud ve accepted it. My point usually is, get me what u want, but when I m there. If i do say yes to her buying what she wants for me, I cant get anything I like when I get to shop. She will tell me, 'I got it for you..or why do u need another saree when I got one for u already'. Fair dos to her now, as she has understood this , thanks to my mum. Sometimes I feel, she does think of me as the daughter she has never had and would have loved to have had. But sometimes the mother-in-law in her takes a fore front...so as far as I m concerned, there are +ves and -ves.. We are married to our DHs and not to the in-laws..so daughters or no daughters, we are the DILs...

Mythili

 

Dear lovely doll..I've read most of the responses here. Yep..it has nothing to do with anything. It is totally personality based!

Not to egg on anybody, but I think, the most luckiest persons are the ones who have 'daughters ONLY' :biglaugh(with understanding sons in laws ofcourse!).

My parents have three daughters, all with pretty settled careers, understanding and loving husbands. So, unlike my parents' other siblings with problematic DILs and SILs, my parents are pretty peaceful and happy, concentrating on the things they always wanted to do.

On the other hand, I am the only DIL for my MIL and I have three SILs. You would imagine with the normalcy of IL forums, my life would be hell! But for better or worse - i cannot tell, my MIL experienced tough life. So, other than few irritations etc when we see eachother (she is in India and I am in US), she is pretty understanding. And touchwood, life has been beautiful so far.

 

IyerPonnu,

You're indeed very lucky to have a MIL like you described considering what majority of the IL crowd and Indian women in general go through. Both of you have mutual admiration for each other. In fact I would love to have such minor issues in the house and enjoy dealing with them. These are good problems to have! I mean it gives you something to talk about or some variety. If you were my sister or my cousin I would have pulled your leg.

Moderator,
Sorry for going off-topic.

 

Thank u Moderator
Yes my mom-in-law and me both have great admiration for each other, and the usual saas-bahu issues as well! My DH says it is mainly because we are too similar in nature !! :rantIt does not mean that things are always rosy, and it can get very bad on India trips.. esp when it comes to me going to my place. Acc. to her, I need to be with them always and just visit my parents. Though she will say 'they will want u to stay with them, etc etc'. But when I want to stay with them for a week or arnd 10 days, her immediate response would be 'You are married. If u are there all the time, then every one will think that something is wrong. It is ok to stay for 3 or 4 days, not more tahn that!!' And my DH will keep mum when she says this!! But to be honest, apart from this and her over-possessiveness she's ok.

Mythili

 

Re opening a long closed thread. ANyway, whether there is daughter or no daughter, well probem is always there. only of a different nature, though! My Dh is the only son, and i think my mil is generally a well natured person, she is too good with everyone else! but too biased with me! when my dh is there, she is totally affectionate with me and if not there, i m in hell.. she also has a weird way of telling things so whetever she says will be accepted and whatever i say wont be heard. being straight forward doesn't work at home!! and when i m getting her some gift, first question will be how much did it cost.. if i say 1500 rs reply will be oh it will cost only 300 rs here!!and even when she sees us after 3 months, why are you looking so bad will be the first quest ion to me! really wonder why they ever get their sons married!! she is extremely very sweet to him, that even if i say the truth, my dh wont believe it! at least they are in india and we are not. Why not just everyone live their own life and let others live too!