Does financial independence alone help us chart our own course?

I agree with you cent % SS.

We have to stand up for ourselves no doubt about it. Because there are only a few lucky ones who have someone to back them.

For this each and every one of the fairer sex need to instill self confidence...if we go around being timid or letting people walk over us...then we'll find that not just the family members, colleague etc take advantage of us but even those working under us.

It will always be that we ourselves will have to work towards making a mark or getting ourselves noticed. And this will give us confidence. But make sure that this is good till it remains as confidence and not over confidence or over being over powering.

Also for those who are in a situation where the male or the elders dominate and the girls don't have a say even though they are good enough to take rational decisions...they shouldn't loose heart...whenever possible chip in your ideas even though they are never heard...some day it will definitely show its results.

Our humbleness and simplicity should be such to attract people and not for them to take advantage.

Roopa.

 

Hi Dear SS,
You had written a wonderful post and so does the FBs from all the ILites.......
But I tried to look on this point a little differently and before putting my points I would like to say that exceptions are always there.
When we see from scientific point of view, there is a lot of differences between a man and woman starting from physical to physiological structure.
Apart from human being, see all the developed animals.......our immediate ancestors.......chimps, orangutan, gorillas, baboona and bonivos.......(the most developed one is bonivo and we resemble to them most), there is a clear demarcation between the behavior of the two genders...male were agressive...to give protection to the female and their offsprings.....and if the female will do this job who will look after the offsprings....then end of that species......think, if a female starts howling...screaming in an animal species, she will be immediately get attention from predators and due to her physical/physiological anatomy, she will not able to give protection neither to her nor to her offspring and in either ways this will lead in the species extinction.....so, the female has to keep a low voice most of the time.....Nature has made its ways to protect the species....any deviation will made the species extint and till now we are the most known sucessful species in earth.
We are a different entity and from evolution point of view, we are only meant for reproduction........and this made us very special in many respects.......and all the changes are meant for that purpose only.......how much we say that we are strong, our body is differently structured..........and we need to accept it...........and nurture ourselves......
Abt your questions of independency in emotional aspects,
Since the ancient times there were wars and boys used to fight after a certain age.....so, due to lack of knowledge (abt hormonal changes), our ancestors have certain rule framed for boys/girls.........they thought that a boy should grow up with aggression.......he can't play like girls and can't be soft........as they didn't know that upto puberty there is no difference bet a boy and a girl.........so once he attains puberty, he will change and develop aggression..........so the same notion goes on.....
I am here opposing their ignorance..........that playing with girlie stuff will not make a boy soft.......and after a certain time, he will dislike it.....
Then comes doing every thing independently.........and I will admit that its a good thing to know everything but dependency on some or other purpose is a way to bind persons in a system........
Say in a couple, if we will start of being independent in all aspect we will stop caring little things of our spouse (however we say NO, it will come to our mind) and the result will be separation........divorce.....
And Indian ladies will go American way.......they being independent in all aspect used to leave their spouse for many reasons and you know.........during the old age these independent ladies has to spend their life alone (more independently).......
We think this is a good thing to be independent as we r matured now.......but during the delicate teen age, if a girl will act like this........this is the consequences that most of western teenage girls are taking drugs.......going to jail.......become pregnant........
I am not saying make your girl feel that she is deprived of something.....but let her know what she has.......and what she can do with that .....
I have been brough up in a family where my mom has done a gr8 job of rearing us......and my father was always there to support her........but still she has limitations........not saying that she can't do something but she shouldn't do certain things.........in this world, we need to maintain a balance..........
Not that I am saying hubby's should not cook or help.........they should help........and this thing should not be confused with the emotional independency of a woman........

I am sorry if I was deficient in convincing my views.......and going out of track at times...kindly bear with me.
Regards .

 

HI SS,

very very interesting thread. While i agree with all the other IL members,
I would like to add my bit too.

We are 5 kids - 3 girls and 2 boys. I am the middle one, youngest of the girls.
our story is something like this - my parents wanted a boy (but ofcourse) and so kept having children (unfortunately for them the first 3 were girls) till they had 2 sons.

We all got good education and more importantly were taught to be independent and self sufficient. Like the typical traditional mindset, my mom used to berate us to behave like girls, learn cooking, learn how to keep house but the sons were pampered and fed watever they fancied. We girls used to be rank holders in class but to my mother it wouldnt matter. wat mattered is that the girls help her with cooking and household chores. my brothers were equally intelligent but quite mischievous.

If we girls did anything out of the girl stereotypes, we were punished severely, beaten mercilessly - by my mom. My brothers would get more food and would get away breaking stuff or doing anything as they were BOYS - by my mother...my mother pampered the boys like kings.Surprisingly, my dad would support us to be hwoever we wanted. he would 'save' us from the punishments.

today, the 3 of us girls have married men of our own choices. though married, we take of my parents and brothers. i wouldnt like to boast but humbly say that i have been taking care of my parents and brothers. From when i started working, i have been paying the rent, paying the bills, buying the ration, keeping the house sane, not making allowances for any outward behaviour or habits from my brothers....once i got married, i admit i became a little slack. i concentrated more on building my own home (since it was a love marriage, i faced a lot of problems with my inlaws and had to adjust to the best of my ability). My MIL scolded me, abused me, wanted to break my marriage to her son - did everything in her ability to 'tame' me to be like a proper DIL. DIL to her meant some1 who will not be heard, just seen. who will sit int the kitchen all the time preparing meals for the men and the elders. Men were treated like GODS in my inlaws side. and i refused to be 'tamed'. I prayed for my first born to be a girl. My MIL disapproved me for asking for a girl. Today, she has come around and accepted me for wat i am though i have also compromised on certain things to make her happy.

My mil had probs with me still taking car eof my mom's place as i was married. i refused to stop it. Told her take it or leave it. LUCKILY, my husband supported me throughout. He understood my need to take care of my mom's place.

My brothers today are working but irresponsible. for the last 2 years since my attention was on my daughter (first 2 years of their growing up are such sweeeeet years), my brothers didnt shoulder the responsibility of running the household - they still havent. But i am keeping a watch over them and staying away as i want them to learn.

My parents have more trust in us girls taking car eof them than my brothers. Today my mother agrees that daughters are capable of doing much more than sons. Shes become a feminist now. She urges us to do things that my brothers cannot do. shes up in arms for girls. and i am so proud of her.

I am happy that i am able to manage taking care of them (parents, bros), my own house(my inlaws - their turnaround, husband and me) and my job (full time).

sharing my experiences with you all to say that a woman can do antying she sets her mind to. She is in no way less than any man. She has the ability to endure pain and intelligence to match a man's. so why treat her less than a man?

thanks for reading,
JayaJ

 

hi SS,

I quite all your posts and replies.
Thank you for your appreciation. Ofcourse, i dont bear any grudges against my mom. afterall, she did wat she thot was best for us girls. but wat i admire is that she has adjusted to the new 'women's ERA' - which is usually a little difficult for people of her age. Once she realised we girls were growing up and developing a mind of our own, she changed her outlook so that she cud share 'our' world. So, i have learnt from her to be a fighter and to be a survivor.

ciao,
JJ

 

Dear Soaring Spirit ma'am,

You have inclined us (all here) on a subject that needs attention. Hats off :hatsoff . We come across many "Feminist movements" that try to act as the stepping stone to elevate women's scenario. Many a time I have been left with a perplexed state of mind thinking about these so-called movements. Are they necessary ? Do they really bring about elevations ?

The perception of equality and progress in one's standards is within their own holds. Only if we change something in ourselves, we can bring about a strong and truly felt change in the society. Why do we depend on someone else's attitude and behavior to change ours ? We, the women fraternity at large should bring about a change for the good, for the betterment of ourselves as well as the society. How can this be accomplished ? Simple but not trivial !

Many a time, I strongly have felt diversions in elders' blessing mode when it comes to blessing a girl and a boy (separately, of course). Aren't we born to win ? Why such gender differences creeps in when there is no field (TODAY) where women have not left their foot-prints.

The scant attention to women's emotions strikes a chord and emphasizes our wrong notion on seeding in the "biological differences" amidst the "emotional preferences". Feminist theories on class, race, sexuality; representations in art, media, literature and other socio-cultural perspectives goes on and on without an iota of interest dedicated towards "personal and emotional levels" that hinders our next step. Why should we restrict ourselves thinking that we are emotionally weak from doing what can be done with ease.

The quality of being strong, the power of resisting strain, the vigor to raise from ashes, the killer instinct to achieve better than the best, the energy to bounce back and stride past different situations, the steady course of action developed for any kind of circumstance, a special effort rendered to challenge "life's challenges", the stimulating self, listening to the call of our conscience, the dictating ability on an ethical and moral basis, the intellectual ability guiding us to reason out and analyze, the inclination to be of a mind to listen, the shouldering of responsibilities at all ages, the psychic self that rules the state of our mind, the incorporeal source of life that we possess, the competence that we exhibit, the proficiency that gets rewarded, the native ability that is inherent in us in diverse fields and above all the quality of fineness and the grade of excellence that the divine has bestowed us with should make us, "THE WOMEN FRATERNITY", raise up in all the vicissitudes of life !!

Regards
RamyaVaradharajan

 

Hello soaring spirit! Congratulations for having been nominated for the best post for January! I fully agree with your views on women's position. I want to share a very recent incident regarding this matter. We have moved into a new apartment and the builder had called for a meeting of the flat owners for starting an association for running and maintaining the accounts, day to day management of the apartment. My hubby was nominated president and unfortunately he was not in town to attend the first meeting. He asked me to attend it. And to my shock I saw that I was the only woman present there besides 2 more out of which one had accompanied her husband! There are 26 flats in all and all are from affluent sections of society! Earlier we had been living in a flat which consisted of upper middle class and I realised that the freedom the latter had was not to be seen in the former group! So even education has not helped these poor women leave alone financial position! Next, when the builder was asking to discuss issues which we had doubts about, not a single male opened their mouths! I felt this was stupid and we were losing out on an opportunity since the builder would no more be available once he had handed over the responsibilities to us. Then I started raising the issues which came to my mind. Only after this did the men put up their queries! Well, continue writing good articles. All the best.