Does Big House Get More Happiness.

Figured that out @sm123 End of the day, life has taught me and is still teaching me that letting go is possible, not feeling negative or bitter is possible - you are already there as your feelings last just a couple of days and being the bigger person is possible - the lighter breaths we take because of these are all worth it. Look at every thing as a step towards spiritual growth and you are always alone on this path! You got this - in the end, it all will work out!

 

OP
I am not advocating big house is the only way to live happy life. But I am giving the below suggestions based on, your posts that you can afford them very well but your husband is denying it. read few responses in first page. didnt read other responses, so if other ILs have suggested, pls ignore mine.

Like @lavani suggested, have you tried to bring in children's aspect into this conversation, about buying a house. here are a few ways to approach from this angle

1.You can try and talk to him and make him understand, that it is an investment for them that your are doing upfront, so that after we are gone, the children would already have a house for them(fully paid off or partially paid off) as an asset. you can say if we are waiting for them to grow and buy for themselves, they may not be able to afford the same big house for this money then. so by not buying it now we are neglecting this aspect of planning for our children.
2. You could also say, they will have a better lifestyle, even as children, by enjoying spacious rooms and areas to relax, and they would also be happy to have friends come over and not feel insecure/hesitant about inviting friends over.
Actually when we were owning a condo, I had this conversation with a colleague, who has a huge house with a backyard n all. she was the one who said , I want to give my kids the comfort of living in a big house. I have lived in small house and have always felt cramped, no place to play,so many restrictions.. so I want to give them that comfort/luxury. It really made sense to me, and then we moved to a better house.

3. Instead of making it like you are one who , you could say even our kids might feel inferior to their cousins (your sil -who has bought 2 houses) and feel my parents are not as successful, but in reality we both are successful and earning well. How else can we show our success and love to our children if we are not giving them what we can readily afford.

4. Tell him, saving for later is one thing, but it is more important to create beautiful memories as a family while we are still with them. Usually home is at the the center of creating these memories!. Leaving money after we are long gone will not have the same impact of enjoying every minute with them while they are still with us. they will soon leave to college and cannot spend same amount of time even if we wished to. Also reiterate pt 1 you are also contributing to their savings and future part.

5. Not sure if your kids have expressed an interest in moving to a bigger house or appreciating someone else's house. if that has happened sometime, you can use that to show your husband how happy they would be to get a place like that for themselves. if they have expressed something like that to you you can encourage them to express the same to their dad.

These are just suggestions you can try. It really does not make any sense for someone to restrict their lifestyle, but splurge on their siblings. I sincerely wish and hope your husband changes and you buy your dream home and enjoy as a family.

 

I think you must explore this further to understand what exactly the issue is.

My FIL earned a big salary when he was working in middle east. He had 3 children, they were living in a rental house, and leading a very minimalist life back then. But he, on the other hand spent a lot of money on his siblings' family. He bought them houses, spend on his niece & nephew's education and even for their marriages until he retired.
After retirement, he suddenly realized that he doesn't have any; hence proposed all his sons to take dowry through marriage, and planned to have a settled life with his wife. By this time, all his siblings & their children parted ways, and became unreachable to some extend.
He figured out evil ways, including black magic to control his sons who never had positive relationship with him and succeeded to some extend. But at last, all the 3 sons have realized his evil doing, and left him.

His wife, who has been silent since the beginning is also watching all this in silence now. She doesn't deserve to be living away from her children at this age. But somehow, her silence has been translated to acceptance, and hence the issue.

I remember MIL often say she is blessed in her own ways, but she is not. It was her way of dealing with her disappointment. But, no one in the family is a psychologist to understand what exactly she means.

So, I would like to ask you to be watchful of what's going on in your life, and question your H if he is going off track. Involve your children if they are big enough to understand.

 

. your dh should keep his priorities right. he wants to run the rat race forever. my dh is 44 , now after years of hard work and settling now wants to have a separate small room only for him. wants to buy bike. his man cave. and enjoy some silly things for himself.

even i want to travel new places. not always south india or relatives. random places like manipur , bengal. here alaska. kids grow up and move on. then we cannot blame them for enjoying their lives.

 

Hi OP,

You are going through financial abuse pure and simple. I think rather than sacrificing your own wishes and desires for your husband who seems to rail road you into doing whatever he decides to do without your input, you should speak up more. Make him sit down with you and tell him that you are NOT happy and you want to have more of a voice in how the money is spent since it’s your right too. And since you are in the US, it should be easy to find a good marital counselor to go to. It will help your husband to hear from a professional third person how regressive and obnoxious his behavior is.

How is he going otherwise as a husband? Does he fulfill your emotional needs, can you guys communicate with each other on misunderstandings and differences ? Or is the pattern that you just give in and he does what he wants to unilaterally?

 

Its like accepting his treatment and blaming fate for it.Tell your husband that you are not happy with his treatment and your lack of control on your money, but if this is the way you dont see a future with him. You can have a house with your salary, but you value his output, that why asked. But if he dont value you, whats the point in ' sacrifycing' your life. I can see that you are trying to maintain peace, but these resentment keep growing inside you. You need to convey directly or through a counsellor like @Aarushi pointed out.
You are not happy. I think his double standard is hurting you the most.There are only two ways just accept and stop complaining or try your best to direct your life the way you wanted. As I mentioned in earlier posts, if he is not listening, you have it show it through actions.
Choice is yours