Does a middle born child gets sandwitched between first and last born?

Flora1 · May 27, 2010

Hi I am a middle child out of three girls. I have read and heard many times that the middle one
gets sandwitched between the first and last child. Do you agree?

As for me, My Dad loves all 3 of us but somewhere down the line he is more attatched to his first born daughter.
It is also evident many times cause he only remembers and tells examples of her achievements, behaviour etc.
(even if they are minor or small) , but he never mentions anything about me or my other sister's big achievements also.

Is it normal? Should I ignore it like I have done till now or should I talk to him about it?

radhaparth2000 · May 27, 2010

I have no experience as we are just two. But few of my friends share the the same opinion like you.

tikka · May 27, 2010

Flora, I do believe there is something to the middle child syndrome theory. The Making of My Middle Child - On Parenting
I am a middle child and yes, the first and the youngest are a lot more pampered than I ever got. But the good thing to this is, I am a very independent and a free thinker, made all my decisions for myself even those that my parents do not notice at first.
In my mid 30s, I can say that being a middle child has been a blessing in disguise for me. Dont let your parents ignoring your achievements bother you. You need to prove you are the best, only to yourselves, actually.

APassionateOne · May 28, 2010

Flora..who are you? are you my sister? Yes..we are all girls and our middle sister has (better to say 'had' similar complaints). At that time, as the older one, I couldn't understand her complaint, when my parents see all of us same.

But as time passed, especially after I had my daughter, I am understanding the attachment to a parent to his/her first born. It is most precious!! it is their first time with her..at every stage. Every turn of a kid's life, they experience first with her and then with the other kids. And youngest kids are always considered "the baby of the family" etc and talked about more.
OR so ..I thought.

I don't know how old you are..but now (or since when we started our intermediate and higher education) my parents had the similar attention on all of us. They had similar amount of concerns and they missed all of us when we got married and moved out of the house...the SAME.

So, it may feel that way (middle child discrimination), but you'll see that you are just about the same as your siblings to your parents.

If you feel more of that, talk to your parents and ask them to show their affection and attention more in your case.

Good Luck.

blessed · May 28, 2010

Hey Flora, we are sailing on the same boad, I am also middle born and we are 3 sisters, my younger sis was pampered by my mom and evertime she was excused for any mistakes made by her. While my elder one was my Dad's darling, though he was very strict to all three of us, he still use to consult my elder sis and take her opinion in some matters, he use to think she is very mature and clever enough to give her opinion.

While was the best in academics and sports when compared to the other two, I was not pampered by my mom nor congratulated by my Dad,

Flora1 · May 28, 2010

Thank you folks for your replies.
Tikka ........ thank you for this link......... I can relate myself to most of the characteristics of this definition
"Middle child syndrome is often characterized by: lack of friends (a loner), inability to maintain relationships,
extreme creativity (writing, music, art, etc.), an easy going personality, trouble choosing a career path, trouble
maintaining a career, quick loss of interest in things, negative outlook on life, half-assing, and indecisiveness."
APassionateOne ........... I do not deny that they LOVE and MISS all 3 of us the same. But the middle one does not get their individuality acknowledged. Everything about me is talked about in relation to/comparison to my elder sister(sometimes younger also). The oldest one becomes the benchmark and than everything about the middle one is talked about in comparision to that :bowdown. YOu might not relate to this but I'm sure your middle sister would.
blessed ............. I know what you mean......... even though my sister is only one year older to me........ I remember my mom sharing some of the family talks with her only feeling she is more mature, ......... or my Dad (till date ) telling us (me and younger one) that my elder sister had motherly love for you both etc.(GOSH she is just 1 year older to me not 10...... :bonk)

Pavithra55 · May 28, 2010

hi flora. i agree with you. even though we are only 2 but most of time at home they remember what my sis does:bonkif ask anything about me the answer is actually we dnt remember sometimes it hurts. nowadays i hardly bother

swt.charu · Jun 2, 2010

I am the last child and many a times my mother says "I dont remember how you grew"

I dont feel bad about that rather I pat my back saying I am no-problem child to you and so you dont remember anything about me....

Initially I used to feel that my eldest sister gets more attention than me and I used to fight about it with my Mom... but as I grow older I really see and appreciate what my sister is ... I mean it... she is really more mature and handles situations well and is a pillar to all of us ... like a second set of parents...

My second sister (middle one as you have described) even today cribs about it....but she simply cant live without the older sister...

Somehow I too have noticed that the eldest kids have something in them which the others dont have...