Do you spank your toddler ?

Asha, Great ) Do pls share your discipline mantra, esp the one you and DH are working Often we both end up with conflicts in disciplining... Though we both agree on our end result, how-to-do part we both differ. Do you have any ideas to share? Sometimes he gets to the verge of spanking... Now she is with my parents... Before she joins us back, we got to work this out and be ready to face her crazy stage for the next 2-3 weeks, post-GPs effect ))

 

'post-GPs effect' is what we are facing now for the past 2 months combined with sibling rivalry. thats a nice coinage.

but Pon, my DH is into this baby-sitting thing only after his parents left. till then, he wouldn't, unless requested for. so his brink of patience was very low - poor boy. we do not greatly disagree on any point, and he is all ready to listen to me. a week back i found that he was shouting at her for almost everything. constant policing is something none of us will like, leave alone a 3-year-old. sometimes he also used certain inappropriate words like "loosu maadiri behave panre" and the same night i heard DD repeating it to me. i had to put a stop to this immediately and thats why that heart-heart talk. i asked him to achieve what he wanted from DD by giving clear explanations and not by using inappropriate statements like this, to which he agreed, and following for the past 4 days.

actually pon.. from what i read here in IL, i act smart in front of my DH.. and he thinks i am the wisest mom in this world, and that i can never be wrong when it comes to parenting. is it tough to create a scene with your DH? ;-)

 

Guys my kids already know how nd when to trbl me.. they know that their walky 911 (Dear Dad) is next to them & has a puppy heart when it comes to his kids esp in malls. My DD would take off all her existing clothes the moment she sees new dresses on stand... & its really v v embarassing for me to handle her any further.. as if we never bought any clothes for her.. when the truth is am giving away a considerable # of clothes every 6 mnths.
The days when my DH is travelling & my ILs are not around... they behave as the most civilised souls on this earth.. I mean I really forget if at all I have to raise my volume on them or they threw up the food. They read my expressions & just mend their ways.

Their throwing is not based on full.. cos sometimes they do it on 3rd or 4th spoon or sometimes even b4 a morsal has entered (even for milk).... They take it more as a play & irritation mechanism cos they'll laugh immedeately after their acts... & the quantity that I feed them till date is nothing thats beyond their diet at 8th month. The only food they dont throw easily is something which may have loads of spices.. something that will throw off a padeatric if he had to taste... One day I happened to used a green chilli that was giving water to my eyes.. but to my delight that food was retained by both... my DH says its in his family genes.. he was a hard nut & himself grew up eating biscuits as lunch & dinner... I severly detest this.. cos it may lead to major deficiencies.. for each throwing I refeed them so that they also learn their lessons.

 

Hi Ladies,

Its so good to see the discussion to mend ourselves.

I started spanking my elder DS when i was pregnant with the second one, He is 4.5 now , i realize now and mend my ways after he started spanking his young brother and yells at me when i say no to something.......soemtimes hits me and runs away....

Leave alone the guilt we have , its a kind of selfish thought. As a mother do we have to teach them to spank and yell at others ??

this thought occured very late for me but its good that i learnt to ignore them when they do tantrums. i just move away if i am loosing patience leaving to my spouse whether he agrees to handle or not

Even when he hits his bro , i tell him "look he is a small baby , you are his lovely brother, dont do it" and will hug both of them, before i used to spank him and say dont do that to your brother , stupid me.....

Guess I am growing with them.

Regards,
Alamu

 

Alamu, ShilpaMa, Asha,
Yessssssss, my threshold have gone higher each day of this resolve!
Sricharani, Big thanks for starting this thread!!!!
DD is back with post-GPs effect again and all our crazy days have started all-over again!! And yipppeee, I find myself handling it better!!!
Latha, Sindhu, Krithika, Vanathi, :bowdown Thankyou, I read your posts daily, to stay there !!! heheheeeeeeeee
Sindhu, Krithika, Even I have started having timeouts, I tell my DD, "Fine, Mama is going to the crying corner, I feel bad now!!!" And I walk out to a real cool place in our room, have my fav soft-doll, handkey and sit over silently. Usually this is DD's style of time-outs ) Sitting in a corner, with her doll and handkey, cryout her heart. Once done, she would come back, "Am a smiley girl now mommy..........!!!!!!!!!"
Nowadays I do the same thing

 

Again, my parents left 2days back, DD on post-GPs... But we both are better this time)
I dono whether my threshold being higher has soothed her down or vice-versa, somehow we are fine ))
Hope I liveup with this no-spank project:2thumbsup:

 

good pon.. you reminded me of this project. i am these days better and have managed to 'educate' DH too on why we should control our temper with DD. not that we used to spank the child too often physically, but e even wanted to control my DH's constant patrolling. DH is doing good and so am i :thumbsup

in this whole process, DD seems to be getting better with the 'crying anywhere & for whatever' issue we had. its real fun to see her control her tears (i have strictly told her that i wouldn't do what she wants me to do if i see her crying, and only if she explicitly says what she wants me to do with no crying, i will do so). all the more fun to see DH control the pique.

 

Asha, we do something like this and we never had her 'crying for want of something'! Only during the 1st 2-3weeks of post-GPs, she was crying, otherwise she is perfectly fine.
What we do is, whenever she cries, we all say that 'oh are you on your crying time? Perfectly fine, you can cry if you feel bad or angry or you dont just feel ok'... We have a crying corner in our room, a cool place, fresh air comes there, I have a small chair of hers there, with her fav doll. I physically make her sit there, give her a handkey and let her cry her heart out. And also we talk ourselves like - 'she is asking for something, but WHAT - we are not able to get, coz she is crying and words are not clear! Poor girl!!! Let her cry, we should not disturb her when she is crying(as if that is an important job and we validating that!), let her finish it off whenever she wants and she is going to ask out the same as smiley-girl! She knows only then we would understand what she is asking for!!!' )
She hears that! Initially around her 2yrs she wasnt that OK with this, wud throw fit often, wont sit in her chair, we need to physically move her there often, we were strict on this, but slowly, she knew crying for something wont work at our place. So she herself wud sit in that corner often, cry out and come to us "amma, crying time over, am a smiley girl, now i want XXX" ))))))))))
Also, she is knowing the difference when at some friends place, where she is asked "what are you crying for?" there. I have told her, just your mama is dumb enough to get what you say when you cry, I would understand only when you ask out without crying..." She too wud immedietly say, "even i feel good to be a smiley girl:thumbsup" ))))) DH co-operates superb in this, from her 2yrs, when we started this. Slowly my parents and PILs too got this. Sometimes, in friends place, she find the parents asking their child to shut-up, stop crying... and she feels better here, coz we let her cry, with her fav doll )) We dont show faces nor make angry voices. We act as if that is 100% normal. Am i braging here much? Let me stop here
Both slept now, am having my 'me-times':coffee

 

Hi Sricharani,

Spanking a child softly to correct things that it repeatedly does wrong is right. But if you do it to rid your frustration after a tiresome day or some tension, it would be really wrong. The child will never understand why it is getting the spanks and will be confused and hurt too.

If you are living away from home and have to do everything yourself and sometimes really feel frustrated, what has the child to do with it? You have brought it in the world and so do justice to it. Love the child, correct it when needed, pamper it and take care.

Good luck

 

I am joining in this project.. I have felt very bad spanking my DS but I do it when I do not have any more ways to control him. But this happens once in a week or two. But Pon and others, I am learning so many ways to handle my DS from your experience..

Pon, your idea of letting her cry and she gradually reducing this habit is very encouraging.. I will do it. I have done it before but in an angry tone.. will cut that out and let him be by himself for a while.. I am sure DS can be changed..

this habit comes mostly after GPs leaving and he wants us (me and DH) to baby him.. he will do the baby talk sometimes, which is like he did naturally 1.5 yrs back.. after GPs pampering, most times bringing him back to normalcy is becoming diff on him and us.