1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Do you spank your toddler ?

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by sricharani, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. sricharani

    sricharani Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    15
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    I have a 15 month old son, who at times throws lot of tantrums. I try to put up with these, but since I am living abroad, managing all the work alone without help, I tend to lose temper and at times I spank him ( although it doesnt hurt him much)...After that I start feeling guilty for that. I just want to know if it will affect him emotionally or one or two spanks at times will not have that much effect on him..
     
    Loading...

  2. Nitha J

    Nitha J IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,733
    Likes Received:
    1,041
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Female
    I do spank and yank and yell at my 16 month. I am a belong to the old school-spare the rod and spoil the kid. I do not spank her hard enough that she cries. I do it when she repeats the things which I had repeatedly forbidden like when she puts the mobile charger or anything metallic to her mouth.
    My stratergy four step:A sweet no (with reason;why she shouldn't do it)- yell (with expalnation)-yank(with expalnation) and if she still does it - a spank (with explanation).

    -Nitha
     
  3. Vishalini3

    Vishalini3 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,083
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Female
    I too do that with my pre-schooler. But i count the spanks per week :)D) This has helped me to cut down some,that cud be avoided. When you spank, kids really understand the reason,
    1. whether its for their BIG mistake
    2. whether mommy is upset/notOK/tired etc and am getting spanked up for a not-so-big tantrums and mistakes.

    When they find mommy spanking for reason-2, they wud completely ignore mommy, throw more tantrums, act like rebels thereafter.
    But for reason 1, they understand when explained, remember it next time. It works.
    On keeping a count, say weekly 2, i am able to hold myself, from spanking for Reason2,in some unavoidable situations.

    Sricharani, I have 2 kids, all chores on my own, i can understand what you are going through :)))
     
  4. redapple

    redapple Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Now a days this has become a big issue that's going on in my mind. Me too think that I should not yell or beat her. But she's driving me mad.

    Today I went to the Dr office when we were waiting there she's just opening the door and running. When I told her I have to go back to the office and I can't run behind you, she says bye and keeps running.I really lost my patience and spanked her there itself.

    Some times it really scares me when she just wants to walk in the road without holding my hand or just running in the stores or malls.

    Now a days she started crying for every thing and trying to get support from friend's moms(especially when some other friend is there, she will go hug them and cry and tell that mom is shouting or beating me like that)

    Please share your experience as how to control this terrible two year toddler.

    Thanks
     
  5. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,902
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    115
    Gender:
    Female
    Sri, if you are feeling bad about doing it then something in your mind is telling you it is not an appropriate response. Then heed that voice.
    Managing a tantrum is difficult, but please do note that the child is not doing it out of choice.
    Here are some strategies to handle the tantrums. What helps us is to get down to his level and hold him (mainly because he has a tendency to hurt himself). We tell him why we are not going to allow him to do X thing. Move and give some space for him to stop crying. If that is not working, we remove him from the place, either take him to his room or when he is outside out of sight of the thing that is causing the tantrum. Assure him, but let him handle his tantrum by either crying it out or calming himself.
    About the non-availability of help: We pretty much managed without domestic help from when DS was 4 to 6 months (forget when) till a few months ago now (DS is three.) That includes tending to a huge garden too, so I get how distressing it must be for you. What helped for us is to get DS involved in everything I did, if I was folding up clothes, DS was folding up his socks. If I was making lunch, DS was mixing the spices for me in a separate plate. If I was in the garden planting, DS was digging too.
    I would be lying were I to say I did not spank him. I have done it twice in the last two years of his testing my patience and today, he repeats nonstop "do you want an adi". I realise I made a big mistake and am trying to undo it now. :bonk I realised this: if I were to spank him when he is not following my words now, what is to stop him from hitting me when I am older and dependent on him.
    Hope this helps
     
  6. sricharani

    sricharani Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    15
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Tikka, that was a good thing that u just spanked him twice in teh last 2 years....:thumbsup I wish i could have that patience in me... and it made me laugh imagining your son repeating Adi venuma...
     
  7. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    44
    Trophy Points:
    115
    Gender:
    Female
    DS says that too - despite my hardly spanking him. I did lose my temper often when he was between 15-18 mnths old. But after that I realized what I was doing and pretty much stopped - cant remember the last time I raised a hand to him. But still obviously he hasnt forgotten. I find that other methods work better and dont leave me feeling so bad too.

    Vanathi.
     
  8. asha_karthik

    asha_karthik Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,195
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    All spanking that i have avoided doing in the first 3 years of my DD's lifetime, i have done in the past 4 months after the 2nd one was born. i know this is a wrong time to have started it.. i still do it as the last thing after trying to explain, trying to divert, threatening to hit, and then...

    krithika, especially when you are so pressed for time, its hard to make a child who has decided to do something not do it. there is so much of planning that i do in order to keep the temper tantrums of DD in control, but that wouldn't help always. great you have a check.

    DD has started these "adi vaanguve" with us too, only in the past few months.
     
  9. Vishalini3

    Vishalini3 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,083
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Female
    Vanathi, Krithika, your posts have started making me feel bad... Am i spanking her often??:hide:
    Asha, yes, same here...
    Though she knows she cant do x,y,z for the specific reasons, I see her do them wantedly after the baby has come home. Negative attention seeking behaviour. And many a times, they are dangerous, I end up spanking, probably I lack time to physically take her away from that place and do all the talks. If at all I need to reduce the count, I need to be a Buddha:drowning
     
  10. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,902
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    115
    Gender:
    Female
    The funniest thing is he says this to all his soft toys, when one of them does not do what he wants done :p. He is obviously looking at it as a tool to control things smaller than him. The more I restrained myself from spanking - after all that's how most of us were raised - the more I was threatening to hit. Big mistake. All of this was when he turned 2.5 or so. He has still not forgotten it.
    Asha, Pon... I can only imagine how frustrating it is for the two of you with another young child. The last two months have been rough for us and today DS poured a glass full of his tulsi and honey water on the printer. We bought it last month!
    I had been warning him against putting food/water on the computer table and use his table instead. But, No! I had to hurriedly shut down the machines, mop down everything, unscrew everything before anything got spoilt put them all out to dry and then DS and I started mopping up the floor.
    II needed to let off steam (I had cleaned everything just that morning, getting the dust off keyboard and speakers). So I locked myself up in the bathroom for a couple of minutes, composed myself, came out and told DS in even tone that by not following amma's instructions he just managed to ruin the nice printer. Now, we cannot print to colour or print to stick. Repairs will cost a lot of money and that means K will not get sorbets for an entire month. As a punishment, I took off his privileges: no toys till he woke up from nap and no DVDs. Whenever he wanted to play before his nap time, he reminded himself about his loss of privilege.
    Today was a good lesson learnt in consequences. Lunch was just chapati and daal, in the place of what I had planned to do with him - no time left after cleaning up. So another lesson learnt, the time amma spends in cleaning up mess is the time amma is going to be away from you and less time for making something yummy.
    Long story short, going by just our kiddos' ages, they are at the stage where they can learn about age appropriate consequences. This was so much more easy on our nerves than hitting.
    P.S. I hope I don't come off sounding pompous. I have a very short fuse and am known to have hit grown men who crossed the line. Everyday I battle my demons against violence now.
     

Share This Page