Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety2019, Apr 26, 2020.
Pack your bags and go..they will scold, make faces and sulk....just IGNORE..
Pack a bag for yourself, pack up the dog and go.
No is my answer. If he dont want to stay with my parents that's fine. But he can't stop me going to my parents home. I used to ask his permission in the beginning, for example I will ask him , can I buy this banana. He is say no ( I was surprised because he is a nice person who respect me for who I am, later I guessed he enjoyed that power I gave to him, thats all). But he will buy what he wants. So I understood, I am giving power to him, so stopped asking permission for anything. I will buy what I want. Same with anything else. I just inform him in advance if I go anywhere.
Your dh is controlling you. He gets an ego boost when you asks for permission. It work very well because you are yielding to his demands . You are encouraging him to control you more. Because you dont want to see his unpleasant face and his happiness is important than yours. What for? Time to stop that . Only you can do that. He is not your parent or boss. You are his partner. If he can't respect that why you are making him a priority. Focus on your priorities. YOU SHOULD BE YOUR FIRST PRIORITY. Also build a life outside marriage, like friends, hobbies etc.. Dont get emotionality dependent on him for your happiness.
Never ' ask' for permission, just inform inform ( never use can I go ..can I buy...just say I am going my parents house I will be back by this day after one week. ) . He will try his best to stop you dont yield, just go. If he question, be bold to tell him, he should move out of his parents house. If he can enjoy his parents company you have every right to visit your parents. Be strong and bold.
Even if you leave your dog behind nothing is going to happen, its everyone's. If he insists, take dog with you can go. This is how you need to show that he is not your employer, his wife, you are also a human being with boundaries and he should respect. You are not his property. What will happen if there are kids. Take them and go.
Develop some thick skin and do what you want. Let him sulk..who cares? If he dont bother about your happiness, why should you.
Thank you all for all the suggestions..and yes when I read all of this I realise how much I have given into power struggle structure..
and right now I am so furious and angry I can't look him in the eye..I'm so angry im not talking to him..I know it is not right..but I have not choice..so angry..
Yes I think like you all mentioned time to take control back of my life.. really tired of this life dictated by everyone else..
thank you all again.. lost all friends and can't be very open to them just because I'm more introverted in sharing my personal problems..this helps me..
Do you have the option to take the dog with you? The dog can also provide emotional support for you. If he can stay with his parents, then so can you. If he doesn't like that, then, ask him how he would feel if he wasn't allowed to be with his parents? Does your husband have a sister/any other female relatives with whom he is close (not including his mother)? Surely he can understand that a woman has a right to live a normal life too. Good luck!
Update on my situation,
Its been a month since the post, the good side of it is I did go to my parents place but for a night. But the other good thing is that I almost am concentrating and prioritizing myself as some suggestions..which is extremely difficult!! Uff hardwork..
But yes in the process I also have to leave my expectations of romance or concerns or whatever.. and some good days..many bad..but much better.. Even today I expected some concerned love talk or something after a long day, later just had to remind myself "stop expecting!! its not your job to bother about what was not done.. Its not some kind of project deliverable.. If anyone is concerned they will talk to you otherwise its their problem, not yours..Those who truly love you will love you the way you deserve. Until your parents are there at-least you will have true love. Leave it!" This is something I had to say to myself..Straighten myself up and go about with my day.
Just wanted people who are going through the same to know the hardwork and progress that is required.. and also the effort.. Its not easy and we will fall off the band wagon. But its okay...
I hope I/ anyone struggling will be able to find some peace within themselves.
Don't set the "asking permission" trend. Just inform him. You are an equal partner and if you ask me more critical partner to rear a family.
If you ask for permission, you are indirectly telling him that he is boss! Please don't!
Also, "asking permission is risking denial".