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Do You Need To Beg To Meet Your Parents After Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety2019, Apr 26, 2020.

  1. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all..
    My post is after a long time..really fed up with my marriage.. Needed advice and experience.. I asked my husband I would like to go my parents house for a week.. because we are anyway working from home and his parents are right there he doesn't have to cook or anything..and it has been close to a year I stayed in my parents place(stayed exactly for 5days in that period). Now he said down right no and said things have changed deal with it..
    note: important info..I do meet then for an hour during workday 4days because their house is on the way back to my husband home..which my husband and in-laws don't like I guess..but my parents are senior citizens and they hesitate to tell me anything if they are not well or so.. my inlaws are 10years younger than them and act like they are 90years old and can't do anything.. I don't stop my husband if he needs to help them and I do my fair share though we had our own fights..

    being a female..first time in my life after marriage I felt why was I born as a female..with all this stupid discrimination.. hate my life..
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2020
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  2. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Why do you need his permission to meet your own parents? Does he ask your permission to keep his parents in the home? He can deny it because you seek permission ..stop asking just inform him...pack your bags and go just inform him...if he objects, say then you will also object for staying with his parents...he has not bought you.. in this time and age being a working women why do you let yourself degrade like this... Remember you are a grown adult you don't need his permission...you only need to inform...

    Take this as an opportunity to re establish your boundaries...tell him he can't decide for you when to visit parents or not.. don't wait for permission just go..
     
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Sweety2019,

    The answer to your question is "no" for begging. But in a marriage, there has to be an informal consent in everything each one of you does outside the family of spouses and children even if it involves one of your parents. That is to keep the spousal relationship well. From what you said above, your husband informs you and does things to his parents even though mostly you agree for him to do so and you also help to the extent possible despite fights. Hopefully, all these discussions remain within two of you. You don't have to justify visiting your parents but can express your intention to do so and he needs to understand that you are concerned about your parents in the present situation.

    Please don't feel sad about being a female. Your life is invaluable and is there to pursue happiness. Always be determined to be happy and find the obstacles that prevent you from being happy. Don't let your situation define you. Each happening only brings emotions temporarily and as long as the relationship with family is intact, you can overcome these emotions quickly. Wish you all the best.
     
    KashmirFlower and Sweety2019 like this.
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Don’t ask permission...make it an FYI..and stick to it...your husband may or may not join according to his convenience but you should definitely visit you’re parents whenever possible, don’t deprive your parents of then joy of spending time with you because of few narrow minded people.
     
    Sweety2019 likes this.
  5. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you IL86.. re establishing boundary is easier said than done.. he never supported when I was going through crap because of his mother..and now when I mention it he says.."so?? it's so small compared to everything else everyone has gone through.."
    biggest mistake of a working woman was this..hope no one else (working or not) does this!!
     
  6. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

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    thank you Viswamitra..yes he never discusses anything..he goes talks to them decides and informs me.. that's it..I have to agree whether I agree or not..

    I never was sad about being a female..my parents never made me feel that..they thought me right and wrong without gender comparison..but I don't think it is the same on H side..
    Trust me viswamitra the emotions are not temporary..after marriage these 3years have been something I would never wish on any female..

    I know my situation might be miniscule in the difficulty that others are going through but it is very big for me..I am emotionally drained.. all the promises broken,all accusations on me..and I need to take it..just because the marriage was my choice..I don't know if in being stubborn or there is another side to this story..maybe my H has a different take..but i don't know what will make for all the misery and agony I had to go through alone..
    feels like I am deprived of oxygen..


    I am so sorry for the long vent..don't want to pass my negative energy to anyone..
     
  7. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Tell him that you are going..pack your bags and go.
     
    Sweety2019 likes this.
  8. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

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    When I said to him I am asking for 1week stay..he says what is the necessity..
    p.s. we have a dog. so the evening session he wants me to take care of it.. and that is his reason for me not staying in my parents house for those days.. well he is there so are his parents.. for 1week yaar..I have no friends no nothing in life..i feel like I am living a life of a old person who is bedridden and not allowed to do anything.. hopefully the old people are not offended by this:grimacing:
     
    Viswamitra likes this.
  9. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Stop being emotionally dependant on him...and don't expect him to understand and approve...you have only one life and with current crisis you don't want to regret later not spending time with your parents just bcoz you waited for him to approve....let him take care of his dog himself... You are as human as he is ...you have your rights to go and visit...you are not a slave for the family...just pack and go...no amount of reasoning will convince ...only when he sees how strong you are he will realise he can't dump his decisions on you
     
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  10. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Remember only you and you can change this... You can't expect things to change by cribbing...you have to take control of it yourself...pack and go...
     
    shama146 and Sweety2019 like this.

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