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Do You Know?

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by chatkara_tasty, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. chatkara_tasty

    chatkara_tasty Bronze IL'ite

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    Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.




    · Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.




    · The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.




    · The electric chair was invented by a dentist.




    · The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to Squirt blood 30 feet.




    · Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear By 700 times.




    · Ants don't sleep.




    · Owls have eyeballs that are tubular in shape, because of this, they cannot move their eyes.




    · A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.




    · The mouse is the most common mammal in the US.




    · A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length.




    · A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.




    · The Canary Islands were not named for a bird called a canary. They were named after a breed of large dogs. The Latin name was Canariae insulae - "Island of Dogs."




    · There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.




    · A polecat is not a cat. It is a nocturnal European weasel.




    · The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.




    · The biggest pig in recorded history was Big Boy of Black Mountain, North Carolina, who was weighed at 1,904 pounds in 1939.




    · Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound.




    · A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.




    · Pigs, walruses and light-colored horses can be sunburned.




    · Snakes are immune to their own poison.




    · An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.




    · Cats have more than one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.




    · The biggest member of the cat family is the male lion, which weighs 528 pounds (240 kilograms).




    · Most lipstick contains fish scales.




    · Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.




    · Each day in the US, animal shelters are forced to destroy 30,000 dogs and cats.




    · A shrimp's heart is in their head.




    · A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.




    · A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.




    · The cat lover is an ailurophile, while a cat hater is an ailurophobe.




    · A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.




    · It may take longer than two days for a chick to break out of its shell.




    · Dragonflies are one of the fastest insects, flying 50 to 60 mph.




    · Despite man's fear and hatred of the wolf, it has not ever been proved that a non-rabid wolf ever attacked a human.




    · There are more than 100 million dogs and cats in the United States.




    · Americans spend more than 5.4 billion dollars on their pets each year.




    · Cat's urine glows under a black light .




    · The largest cockroach on record is one measured at 3.81 inches in length.




    · It is estimated that a single toad may catch and eat as many as 10,000 insects in the course of a summer.




    · Amphibians eyes come in a variety shapes and sizes. Some even have square or heart-shaped pupils.




    · It would require an average of 18 hummingbirds to weigh in at 1 ounce.




    · Dogs that do not tolerate small children well are the St. Bernard, the Old English sheep dog, the Alaskan malamute, the bull terrier, and the toy poodle.




    · Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of earth in a day.




    · Howler monkeys are the noisiest land animals. Their calls can be heard over 2 miles away.




    · A quarter of the horses in the US died of a vast virus epidemic in 1872.




    · The fastest bird is the Spine-tailed swift, clocked at speeds of up to 220 miles per hour.




    . There is no single cat called the panther. The name is commonly applied to the leopard, but it is also used to refer to the puma and the jaguar. A black panther is really a black leopard. A capon is a castrated rooster.




    · The world's largest rodent is the Capybara. An Amazon water hog that looks like a guinea pig, it can weigh more than 100 pounds.




    · The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people.




    · The hummingbird, the loon, the swift, the kingfisher, and the grebe are all birds that cannot walk.




    · The poisonous copperhead snake smells like fresh cut cucumbers.




    · A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.




    · Worker ants may live seven years and the queen may live as long as 15 years.




    · The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of lobsters is blue.




    · Cheetahs make a chirping sound that is much like a bird's chirp or a dog's yelp. The sound is so an intense, it can be heard a mile away.




    · The underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels off several times a year with new growth.




    · The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in an American court. 98% of brown bears in the United States are in Alaska.




    · Before air conditioning was invented, white cotton slipcovers were put on furniture to keep the air cool.




    · The Barbie doll has more than 80 careers.




    · To make one pound of whole milk cheese, 10 pounds of whole milk is needed.




    · 99% of pumpkins that are sold for decoration.




    · Every 30 seconds a house fire doubles in size.




    · The month of December is the most popular month for weddings in the Philippines.




    · A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine.




    · Carbon monoxide can kill a person in less than 15 minutes.




    · The largest ever hailstone weighed over 1kg and fell in Bangladesh in 1986.




    · Ants can live up to 16 years.




    · In Belgium, there is a museum that is just for strawberries.




    · The sense of smell of an ant is just as good as a dog's.




    · Popped popcorn should be stored in the freezer or refrigerator as this way it can stay crunchy for up to three weeks.




    · Coca-Cola was originally green.
     
  2. chatkara_tasty

    chatkara_tasty Bronze IL'ite

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    · The most common name in the world is Mohammed.




    · The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.




    · The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.




    · TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.




    · Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!




    · You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.




    · It is impossible to lick your elbow.




    · People say "Bless you " when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.




    · It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.




    · The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest




    · tongue twister in the English language.




    · If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.




    · Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.


    Spades - King David

    Clubs - Alexander the Great,

    Hearts - Charlemagne

    Diamonds - Julius Caesar.




    · 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321




    · If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.




    · What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans. - All invented by women.



    . Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Ans. - HoneY.



    . A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.



    . A snail can sleep for three years.



    . All polar bears are left handed.



    · American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.




    · Butterflies taste with their feet.




    · Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.




    · In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.




    · On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.




    · The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.




    · Most lipstick contains fish scales.




    · Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.




    · Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.




    · A baby bat is called a pup.




    · German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.




    · A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.




    · It takes 35 to 65 minks to produce the average mink coat. The numbers for other types of fur coats are: beaver - 15; fox - 15 to 25; ermine - 150; chinchilla - 60 to 100 .
     
  3. sunitak

    sunitak Junior IL'ite

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    <table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" width="600"><tbody><tr><td align="left" valign="top" width="450">

    1. [*]Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
      [*]Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
      [*]Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
      [*]Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
      [*]Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either".
      [*]Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
      [*]Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
      [*]Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
      [*]Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
      [*]Conference room: A place where nobody talks, nobody listens everybody disagrees later on.
      [*]Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
      [*]Classic: A book, which people praise, but do not read.
      [*]Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
      [*]Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
      [*]Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
      [*]Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
      [*]Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
      [*]Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
      [*]Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
      [*]Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
      [*]Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
      [*]Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
      [*]Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet"
      [*]Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
      [*]Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
      [*]Father: A banker provided by nature.
      [*]Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
      [*]Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
      [*]Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
      [*]Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
    </td> <td align="left" valign="top" width="150"><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td bgcolor="#707070" width="100%">
    </td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#f0f0f0" width="100%">
    </td></tr><tr><td>
    </td></tr></tbody></table></td></tr></tbody></table>
     
  4. sunitak

    sunitak Junior IL'ite

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    Some Jokes

    <small>Kind Sardar
    Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
    Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.
    He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still wanted to take revenge.
    Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Goto sleep, O dear mosquito, goto sleep)". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn.":2thumbsup:


    </small><small>Sardarji has a fall..
    Once a Sardar falls from the 2nd floor of a building and as he hits the ground a crowd gathers around him and they ask him "Sardar ji what happened" and the Sardar says "How should I know even I just came"

    </small><small>Santa loses money...
    Man: Why are you so upset?
    Santa Singh: While coming back from work today I noticed two five hundred Rupee notes on the floor of the bus. Well, I quickly reached out to pick them up. Another man had noticed them too at the same time and I had to equally share the money with him.
    Man: That's alright, at least you got one five hundred note.
    Santa Singh: Yes, I did. But when I got home I realised that the two notes I had found had actually fallen out of my own pocket!

    </small><small>Surd in a Big city

    Santa Singh was visiting the big city for the first time. He checks in at the Hotel, and the bellboy takes his bags.

    He follows the boy, and as the door closes, he looks around and shakes his fist at him. 'Young man, I may be from the village and unfamiliar with the city, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room will not do at all! It is too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there's not even a bed!'

    The bellboy looks at Santa Singh and says, 'Sir, this isn't your room, it's the Elevator!'


    </small><small>Surd and Computers

    This Surd kept staring at his computer screen for quite a while. To break the long pause another guy comes to him and asks, 'Why are you simply staring at it... why don't you do start working?' Sardarji replies, 'Take a look at the Screen...'. The other guy looks and there displayed is the message 'Press any key to continue'.
    The man asked 'So what?'
    The Sardarji replies, 'Look, this damn keyboard does not have the 'Any' key!...How do I continue now...'

    </small><small>Sardarji at Clocktower.
    Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

    Sardarji says "Yes".

    "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

    The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

    On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."


    </small><small>Lazy Employee
    The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise visit and check up on his staff. Walking through the plant, he noticed a young man leaning lazily against a post.
    "Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner angrily.
    "Three hundred bucks," replied the young man.
    Taking out a fold of bills from his wallet, the owner counted out $300, slapped the money into the boy's hands, and said "Here's a week's pay -- now get out and don't come back!"
    Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has that lazy bum been working here anyway?"
    "He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just here to deliver a pizza!!!"
    </small>
     

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