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Do you know what your child talks/discusses at school?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Shanvy, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    It may look stupid question as a thread name. but seriously do you know what is discussed in class/school/bus by others around you child or if your child discusses anything.

    Gone are the days when the teachers used to give you an very close update about each child.

    I still remember my son when he was in ukg. We attended an PTA, the teacher told me that my son had asked her one day "madam, Are parents always right?" (It was for a small misunderstanding between him and his sister for which we had given an explanation).. she took time to listen to him and explain to him...so that was the first time I knew kids not only observe, but discuss things at school also...

    Recently my daughter informed me about a discussion in the bus.. there was this construction site which they cross everyday on the way to school. that particular evening, one 8th standard boy said..you know, the house we live will be mine., my father will get my sister married, and this house will be given to me..whatever wealth he has amassed, will be mine..why should we give my sister after she is married.."

    She told me this, immediately my son, asked me what is the wealth and what is will. I told him the education and the knowledge you gain is your wealth.

    One of my friends while chatting told me a news, that really made me sit back..it seems one of the girls in her daughter's class (2nd std..) tells her daughter, you should not wear lipstick before kissing, it gets erased. otherwise carry a lipstick everytime. she was in tears..what is happening, all this talk at 2nd standard..I told her to cool and not to bring the issue for disccussion again and just keep a watch...

    because these things the kids will forget if we don't give too much importance.

    Another instance I had come to know, really made me lose my temper, and how I kept my cool is something that amazes me still...

    There was this family in our building in muscat. the boy was a 5year old going to ukg. one day the school called the mother...and told her please be discreet at home...(the boy had gone and romped a class girl and the teacher had to take action on the matter ...)
    The mother just casually tells me this....

    I have cultivated the habit of coming home and telling me what happened at school everyday.. Sometimes it is really a headache to listen to the continuous rant from both at the same time...but it keeps me updated and informed...

    So how about you moms do you keep track...and if so how..do your kids tell you everything that happens.....

    Let us discuss this......
     
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  2. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Dear shanthi

    Very nice topic at very correct time for me.............My son, krishna, has the habit of discussing house matters in school and vice versa......from his Preschool.............he cant keep any secret..............to say frankly OOTAVAI..........

    But regarding the school my son studying .............i really thank them for their concern towards kids........... in their school, not only the class teacher but also the Chairman/ principle /van incharge/watchman............almost all the staff know each and every child personally............i mean it...........jus bcos of the lesser strength they have......they are very easily maintaining this student-teachers relatiosnhiop..........this school is very different that they give equal importance to studies as well as helps in cultivating good thought .attitude and personality development of children.......so there are only LESS chances of these incident happening in their school......

    ..
    .And we the elders are not supposed to talk/discuss ANY matter infront of the kids... we are their role model/inspiration/.............so whatever we talk/however we behave ..... these kids catch them very easily.......( i doubt, in how many families they are practising not to talk infront of kids) as u said about the incident that kids discussing about will ,wealth and all............that kid might have heard the discussion going on in their house bwtween elders..........and in our commuity, we stilll(in some families) have the habit of prasing the boy child,gifting the entire wealth to him without giving anything to girl child of the family........somebody might have told...hey everything is yours only, jus we have to give ur sister good marriage, thats alll for her...........ALL THESE DIALOGUES HAVE CORRUPTED THE CHILD TO THE CORE........but still we cannot blame the child, its elders mistake........

    And, regarding the lipstick situation, shanthi, iam very much worried.........they all learn this throguh from cinema and cinema only ..........these days, its very less moviees we can see with the family...........all,ost all the others films are rated A only..........though our child doesnot know or interested in all this ...............but they get to know all these informations either from the school or from the neighbourly kids...........IAM PROUD TO SAY ABOUT KRISHNA....HE NEVER SEE CINEMA .HE IS NOT AT ALL INTERESTED IN CINEMA..........HE DONT KNOW ANY CINE SONG NOR ABOUT THE ACTORS ETC.....their punch dialogues. their mannerism........will never attaract hi,m..........even we wont take him to cinema except movies like mozhi.......only reason he is coming with us to cinema tis to get popcorns,micrecreams.and other snacks.......but he get to know information about punch dialogues...scenes..........and everything from my neighbourly kid who is 3 yrs elder to him......that guy will say ......she has dressed that way or simply he will giglle seeing some scene and gossip with K my son will imm'ly call me and say ....paruma he is talking badwords.........telling this and that...........IAM IN A VERY PITABLE SITUATION AT THESE TIMES..........TO STOP HIM LISTENING TO ALL THESE......BUT IAM HELPLESS SINCE THAT GUY IS MY CLOSE FRIENDS SON........do u know what my friend will say............let them learn everything ........if we hide from them , they will learn from outside and outsiders(she is well educated...........working.........she herself take her son to all cinema.....and to my surprise and shock.......she will discuss about the punch dialogues and their body language with her son)...........which i hate to the core............i used to tell hr what u r doing is wrong and i have never seen people like u.........but i have no right to stop u fom taking him.......but pls dont tell this infront of my kid...............i dont want him to listen about all this nor watching cinema.........talking about actor/song or any scene........... I FEEL KIDS MAY GET DISTRACTED TO THE CORE...IF THEY START GETTING influenced TOWARDS CINEMA............not all the child can watch the film and do their study effectively........

    Very often the topic of discussion is .........amma, savi chitthi says ........"I LOVE U DARLING..MY SWEETIE PIE"........KNOW........but my friend is telling what da.....ur chitthi saying I LOVE U TO U...........thast wrong da............bad words.........only mummy will say to daddy all this..........have u not seen in the cinema.........i called that kid and say .....and expalined to both of them.....as far as k is concerned , iam very clear that he is cleanslate.........i dont know how far he will not influenced by this enviornmnet..

    As we have already discussed in another thread... it is very important to sit and discuss to the child all matters happened in the school as well as in other places....iam practising this...though at times k feel bore to tell me...still, i will keep on nagging him to say everything to me..........
     
  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Latha,

    i know k is a nice boy. but we cannot change the surrounding environment. we should just be there and guide them when they try to take the wrong step because of the influence of the wrong person.

    As parents we need to be very careful, as we are the role models to our kids..they emulate us.

    Thanks for stepping in...
     
  4. ramyanand

    ramyanand Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    My kid is also an OTAVAAI!!
    His teacher in prekg used to tell me that the first thing in the morn my kid does is just narrate whats happening in our home,who came to our house and even hwat they bought him...
    Even when we r plannin to go to a restaurant he wud just tell my neighbours abt itBig Laugh

    Likewise he used to say what happened in the school,the fights he had with his friends(including the dialogues)...Here in US(in my kid's school) kids r allowed tobring their toys on Fridays..So he used to tell me abt th etoys and even wud ask me whether i wud buy him the same toy his friends had brought..


    Cheers
    ramya
     
  5. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Ramya

    Don't say ottavai. I think it is the tendency and the excitement to share things the kids start talking at school and outside, you rishabh is too small to know what is the limit.

    But I feel we need, to teach them what to discuss outside and what not.how to react to strangers questions and all.

    Regarding the discussing matters like the ones i have mentioned, surely parents are also at fault to a certain extent.

    let us see what others have to say....
     
  6. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    This discussion took me back to my school days. I started thinking about the conversations that I had when I was young :) Even during those times everybody would say cinema corrupts the young minds and blah blah. It is definitely true in some ways.

    I think it is best to have an open door policy with kids. We need to always keep the channel of communication with our children open. In order to keep this communication channel open we need to be able to communicate with them at their level. This means being able to joke with them in their level. Sometimes we might be taken aback by what kids talk. But I don't think we really have to take everything that kids talk very seriously.

    When I was young I used to dread those boring lectures I would sometimes get from some of the well intentioned elders. Every time somebody said "In those golden old days..blah blah" I would mentally switch off. Our Indian society is very conservative. Public displays of affection and sex are taboo topics. This makes young minds even more curious about these topics. Parents need to create an open environment where kids can bring up and discuss any topic. We need to emphasize to kids that sex is something holy out of which life comes out.

    When I was in my 11th grade an eye opening incident took place in my life. We had to perform a skit for World Aids days. After the skit performance a women came to talk on the stage. She started sobbing and said that she was a prostitute. She spoke about how she was sold into the bombay red light area and how she was forced to live a life of sexual slavery. Finally after 10 years when they found out she was HIV +ve she was kicked out of the brothel. Her family members refused to take her back. Likewise another man talked about how he got caught into a homosexual sex ring and eventually became HIV +ve. These heart rendering stories had a huge impact on me and my friends. We realized how bad this world can be and how people are really suffering. I am pretty sure that if somebody had lectured me about how bad the world can be I would have simply taken it in one ear and left it out in the other.

    If you want to make kids understand about the seriousness of such things you need to expose them in the right manner. Community service and volunteer work will help them understand how many people in this world are very unfortunate. Parents need to be good role models first. I just thought about sharing my views speaking from personal experience.

    Thanks,
    Kavya.
     
  7. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Shanthi,
    That is a very pertinent question. Though these days many kids have working parents I think they should take time to sit and ask the child what happened in school van /bus.Once you ask them regularly they get into the habit of telling you what they did on their own.My older daughter got into this habit because of DH who never fails to ask her about what she did.Now even the younger one has started telling us what her friend ate at break time, she is in playschool, a beginning somewhere. I think it is what you teach them when young that will help in the longer run.
     
  8. humerarouf

    humerarouf Senior IL'ite

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    my son is asmall guy of 2 n half .as soon as i reach home he starts narrating the days details elaborately .a few days ago his grandpa hit him for no fault of his,normally they are freinds but papa becoz of his illness is sometimes irritable.,this i heard from mom.when i was back home my son told me everything except this one incident, i kept on hinting but he did not come up with it.i could not help hugging him.i hope in the near future i am able to teach him to share everything with me and keep nothing to his small heart.
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Kavya,

    good observations. the parents not only need to be role models..they need to know when and what to talk in front of the kids..

    You know, i feel, some parents say that they treat their child like a friend, and talk about everything with the child, without knowing that it could affect the child. sometimes you need to be a parent more than being a friend.

    Children need to experience good and bad. we need to be there to help them and steer them towards the right path..not to pull and push them there..

    Again these are my personal views.
     
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Janani,

    This was a question I put after few parents call up my daughter to find what happened in class, as the girls don't talk at home. It is a habit that we need to cultivate with patience, just 10 minutes is going to make a lot of difference in the child's life.

    I just give a hug when they come from school, and ask them how was the day..so we have fallen into the pattern. if i don't ask my kids want to know what is wrong with me...bonk.

    thanks for stepping in....
     

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