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Do you have any say in your Inlaws Itenary?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ShilpaMa, Feb 18, 2010.

  1. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    We all know how much we love InLaws visiting us and also the timings & duration they select.

    Now do share as to how many of you have none or some control over when and how long can your inLaws visit you.

    My Case - Absolutely no say, infact I know of their arrival & departure only a day ahead, if ever I request them to come and assist then MIL tells You've chosen to stay so far.. so how can we help you in need. When they communicate a clear NO to DH & me I confirm with my parents if they can come & sudden U turn from ILs and they decide to come over. Hence now I prefer not to tell DH if my mom is arriving & when.
    Also since we had an alternating support from parents till last year due to small kids, my MIL used to create scene in last week if she ever knew tht my mom is flying down & would cancel her train tickets & make sure DH books for air.

    SIL/ MIL case - They have a strong control in their house as to when their inlaws if ever can visit them and how long can they stay for... my SIL can infact pre-pone / post-pone her inlaws intenary as per her convinience.

    Only thing that SIL couldn't cancel was annual diwali visit to her inlaws place which is in north India, so purposely she wont put wollens (she was naive enuff to tell me that) for herself & son to get unwell & then sing that they always get unwell if they go there... Also both the ladies club atleast a 10 day tour in a 15 day visit & the same is what my DH is now doing with me.. no complains that I get undivided attention in my own home.
    Once FIL din't agree for a vacation to be clubbed then MIL returned in a week whilst FIL stayed back for next 3 weeks.
     
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  2. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Shilpa...
    in my case MY DH doesn't play games but now its understood that I'm not at all interested in any relationship with his mother... especially after her last trip....
    But I'm not consulted either on any of their matters which suits me...
    He mentioned to me that his mother has asked him to book tickets or 2nd april and return 30th may... bang on during my son's holidays...
    So I told him that my son and I will be going to mumbai during his holidays which was ok by him...
    MIL travels here and there from Kolkatta to her relatives houses etc which I'm hardly concerned or informed about..
    But answer to your question Do you have any say in your Inlaws Itenary?
    No I don't.. never did and i guess for peace in my household i never will want to... after all its their son's house also
    K
     
  3. Priya35

    Priya35 New IL'ite

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    Though we live in the same city....about 30kms away from inlaws but they hardly visit us. We go for any major festivals in their house or once in few months.
    My parents visit us often and also help us out with kids when in need.
     
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  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    The first time they came, I knew when they'd be arriving because WE had invited them. However, I assumed they'd be staying a month or so. Wrong. I soon learned I had no control over how long they'd stay because my dh refused to ask them how long they'd be staying or when they planned on leaving. So neither of us knew how long they'd be here. Turned out to be almost 1/2 the year.

    Then in mid 2008 or so, they announced to us that they'd be coming here again for an indefinite amount of time. I said no to dh and made him tell them that due to their insanely bad behavior from 2007, they're not welcome back at our house right now. Since then, they haven't tried to invite themselves over again. Also I made it crystal clear to my dh that anybody who comes over to our house needs to have an arrival and departure date already set... no more just showing up and staying forever.

    As per my family (my dh's inlaws :)), they don't stay over night or anything like that since they live close by. But if they did, they'd be following the same rules as my inlaws. If I had to estimate, I'd say my mom and brother come to our house for dinner maybe once every 2 months or so. And that too, only when INVITED.

    I think invitations, arrival dates, and departure dates just make life so much easier.
     
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    If my MIL wants to visit,there is no way I can say NO.My husband would just bring her in.But she doesn't visit very often due to health reasons and sometimes due to madness on her DIL. She can't take flight her self,Her son have to go India and bring her here and he needs to go Indian to drop her.So it will be very big expensive trip for us but if at all she wants to come my husband would never say NO.
    She visited us 2 times in last 7 years for 6months each time.
     
  6. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    [QUOTE
    Only thing that SIL couldn't cancel was annual diwali visit to her inlaws place which is in north India, so purposely she wont put wollens (she was naive enuff to tell me that) for herself & son to get unwell & then sing that they always get unwell if they go there... [/QUOTE]

    This is so funny... reminds me of bahus in indian soaps...and old hindi movies!!:crazy:biglaugh
     
  7. swaram

    swaram Senior IL'ite

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    No I have no say. They visit US frequently since their daughters are here too. But as to when they are coming to my place, we get one day notice and only the arrival date is informed since DH has to go and pick them from his sisters house. Departure date is open, it will entirely depend on their daughters plans etc, just once they said 2 weeks and ended up staying for 6 weeks. I prefer the departure date left open, than to expect 2 weeks and then see it extend for 6 weeks, those extra 4 weeks felt like forever.

    Even their trip from India to US, I do not get information, sometimes they inform DH but he has been told not to inform me. He follows it too. Anyway one less work for me to call and enquire how their trip was etc.

    Just once I was informed their flight details since I had to pick them up from airport and drop them off at their daughters place, since it was early afternoon and their daughter works. For this I had to take time off from work. What logic - and only my DH will nod his head to his parents for these logic and ask me to fulfill his parents commands.

    swaram
     
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  8. Ammu1204

    Ammu1204 New IL'ite

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    Hey Guys,

    Its been almost 1.5 years here and they have not yet visited us :)

    I am planning for thier Visit this summer.

    My Mom actually visited us for a month or so last year just for sight seeing he he...so I thought they also need to come and have fun!!

    but its all my Planning ..My husband does not bother that much when i Plan.
     
  9. abc00

    abc00 Gold IL'ite

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    No i dont have any say. Its all b/w their son and a closed conversation.It irritates me to the core that they will come and im the last one to know.Im looking for some tips to bring down my frustration levels.
     
  10. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes.

    In my case, SIL is the storywriter/dialogues/screenplay/direction for my ILs.

    My DH and I like our ILs, but with SILs influence they tend to act, dare I say, stupid. So DH relation with my ILs is a bit strained. So there is no chance of ILs making plans with DH or DH himself inviting ILs, without me knowing.

    My DH and ILs are like the crisp outer chocolate of an Oreo cookie and I am the soft cream in between. So I am the one who initiates and follows up with the planning of their visits.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010

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