Do women always have to do all work?Please help!!!

hi Sadhana,
What do you do with your paycheck? Do you save it all or do you also contribute to the household?

If you are saving it all, then ok.
If not, then try to tell your husband that if you are expected to work to contribute the household, then it is not possible for you to manage all of it. Gets too tiresome. So, tell him you would leave job and do only household work. If your contribution is much wanted, probably he will get the point and maybe help you out occasionally (depending on his nature and upbringing).
You need to change that too, but gradually, as it might be viewed negatively since you are newly married.

If you are saving it all, then try getting this point across that you are unable to manage both, so will keep a cooking maid - probably one who comes in for an hour or so - she can help you and m-i-l with cooking.
You can decide whether you want to pay this lady yourself (depending whether in future they might demanding that you pay for other stuff as well, so think and decide that).


Slowly, over time, try talking to your husband that nowadays females also work, so kitchen and house management has to be handled accordingly. Probably he can help with some groceries shopping etc. if you are doing that too.

Do keep us posted..
best,
hasita

 

Hi Sadhana,
don't worry these are starting days of married life some struggle and little patience will result good but we should be intelligent enough to take care of ourselves. Ok ur mil wants to do all work first u get maid for house cleaning, clothes there is no chance that u go office after cleaning house. i think then u r left with main cooking try to manage for that. It's not even one year complaining is not good, but u need not to complain anything to ur husband. When both of u r alone start slowly that u can't do everyday cleaning as u feel too much tired in office and not able to concentrate on work he will definitely understand u, never tell his mom should do cleaning, just tell him that u want to keep maid for all cleaning like house, clothes as well as utensils. After that i think even though if ur mil don't do any work even then u can manage. i have seen almost all couples where both are working they keep maid specially for all cleaning and cooking they do. u r feeling that when she is working u have to work when she takes rest then only u can take rest, i think u hesitate as u r newly married. u must pay respect to mil cooperate with her in work but when u feel u r tired u must tell her slowly with love that u feel tired. u have to use some tacts, now a days there is no value for hard work with hard work u must be clever enough to save urself. i hope this may help u. don't complain, keep one maid for cleaning ok. cheer up

bye
padma

 

Hi Sadana,

Like Padma says these are the initial struggles...
I'm married for 8yrs. I too faced /facing these kind of problems.
Worst situation is being a house wife- it's 24hrs. job of cooking/cleaning/washing/taking care of husband/in-laws/kids.
Like ur in-laws, mine too are conservative,hard working,talks less,expects respect in everything. they keep comparing me with their daughter.
Initially, I used to cry, feel emotional, sentimental ...blood used to boil when ever I talk about them.
The situation is still the same...but I'm handling differently.
Now I talk less, now they talk more, Instead of complaining & grumbling.
I've began to understand them ( esp.. their weakness).
So, don't worry ...things will change. Time will teach u how to act & react.. according to situation.
Be optimistic & enjoy ur married life!:2thumbsup:

 

Hi Sadhana:

Yes, what AnuShiv told is correct...time heels everything and as she had learnt, you will also get used to handling efficiently!

But one thing, keep ur relationship with your hub very open, unbiased, friendly and make sure you both resonate well! That will solve most of the trivial issues and serve as a first-line defense!!

Happy married life!
Jayashree

 

Dear Sadhana,
First of all congratulations on your marriage :-D
And now to your problem, I agree with most of the points that other ILs have put in here.
You will have to do 2 things:
1. Politely talk to your MIL about keeping a maid. If ur in-laws have allowed you to do the job, I am sure they will understand that you cant manage both the things. They struggled in their life, that's agreed but tell them that the times have changed now. That you both earn and so your financial condition is sound enough to afford a maid at least for Cleaning the house etc.
And YES , I will not advice you to leave the job. As you said correctly that you will loose this little freedom also.

2. You will have to be open with your husband. And since you are newly wedded , this is the best time when you can shape up your relationship with him the way you want. Try to make him your friend more than a lover or something. You are new to their house so it is his responsibility to make your life comfortable and happy.
All these things can be done very politely. No need to take a sword in hands and start fighting -) ) . Please remember that the things will not change immediately. They will take time. After marriage both the parties compromise and change themselves in due course of time. So you have to be patient. And above all, be happy.
Wish you all the very best. and keep us posted...

 

Hi Sadhana,

Your concern is very genuine, I know even me and my husband is staying alone here and I find its difficult to do both the office and little house chores.
And also, your life has just changed and you are not yet out of your daughterly mindset, but nothing wrong, you will take some more time to adjust to this life.
But for now, as all have suggested, get some help for household chores as soon as possible.
Be straight to put your point in front of your MIL, you said that she talks nicely, then you also talk nicely to her and say that its not possible for you to do these work and you need some help. If she talks abt your SIL, then admit that they have the efficiency to do all such work and you don't, and for this reason you need help from outside.
Don't ever try to complain about your MIL to your husband, it will make him sad and you will loose his respect for you in future as a pushing personality.
Pamper your MIL saying that ahe has done a lot in her age and now she should take some rest and spend some time on herself like going out to different places etc and small household chores can be done by you with the help of a maid. That's it. Bring some present for her and just pamper/care her the way she has never got before. You will see in some days she will give your example to your SIL.
Just be patient and everything will be all right, I had never gone through these as we left for US withing 20 days of our marriage but I would have done this as a first-aid measure for this problem.

 

Hi Sadhana

well ur problem is one such which occurs to almost everybody...since u r newly wed i can understand ur situation as u r still not familiar with how ur hubby wud react if u tell sumthing to him...well its just tht u need to find the right way n right time of expressing things to him..any hubby wud feel tht u r compaining if u start off the topic as his mum epects u to work..and moreover they dunno how hard it is to manage both...u have gone thru 4 months of this..as padma had mentioned,put a maid who cums in daily for cleaning wrk and say u wud pay her frm ur money...

just be patient and ur problems wud get solved in due course of time....for such things time is always the medicine....try not to think abt these issues and think abt much more brighter things of life.....whatever little time u get outside the house,try to spend it in the best way possible.....make urself happy and once u start doing this i believe things wud start changing for the better...:-D

lov
sowmi