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Do u discuss everything with ur husband?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dsrini, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice thread!
    I second what Varloo has mentioned.
    My cousin suffers because of what she had told her husband, till now ( the issue is not a big thing after all, it was related to her studies)
    She thought that she should not conceal anything from him, but she forgot that guy has to be in the same line of thought.bonk

    sriniketan
     
  2. ssubhasr

    ssubhasr Silver IL'ite

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    hi all

    me too use to discuss everything with my husband....but after reading all these posts, i dont know whether it is ok or not ??? got confused...bonk
     
  3. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Dhivya,

    You have started a very introspective thread, must say! Going from the eager participants here, it has captured eveyone's attention! No wonder though, it concerns everyone of us.
    Now, how much or how little do I share with my hubby ?! Don't know anymore!! After so many years, we even have started 'thinking' aloud and it is up to us to listen, if and when we want to........!!
    Good communication is an important key to a successful marriage. I doubt if everyone possess that key.....Much to learn here. Hence it was nominated for FP of the month, congrats!

    L, Kamla
     
  4. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Everyone,

    I haven't had a chance to read all the posts yet - managed to read only 2 pages and here's my two cents. I do believe that one should have an honest and open realtionship in a marrige - who wouldn't love it? However, unlike any other relationship, it has to grow over a period of time. I am sure none of us will blurt out everything to a new friend we make and if we do, if we are lucky we might find a friend for a lifetime, else they move on. But one can always make more freinds. In marriage we want our spouse to stay put as our friend and so it takes time understanding as well as making the other person understand you. I guess that is why it is sometimes easier in a love marrige because in most cases it starts as freindship, knowing one another, learning about each others' families, likes/dislikes etc ---- all this happens before marriage in most cases. This kind of time is needed in a marriage!

    What I am trying to say in a sentence is - to discuss everything in a marrige, it takes time because we are forming life long relationships and should have a best freind in the spouse. To answer your question, yes I do discuss everything with my husband right from the beginning of our marriage but this is after knowing him as a friend before marrage! Would I have done if I hadn't known him before marriage, I am not so sure.

    Thanks for initiating this - I wouldn't have given a thought to it otherwise!
     
  5. kalar

    kalar Junior IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    Nice to know that many share everything with their husbands. Ours is completely different type of life. Ours is an arranged marriage, but trouble started during marriage proceedings, after marriage ( we have completed 12 years now). We were not allowed to go to Honeymoon also because my parents did not give the dowry that they expected. He was under the control of his Father (here my case is different, My FIL controls every things and not my MIL) and told not to share everything with me. Somehow we do not have similar ideas on any subject. His ideas are different from mine, our subject interest also varies. He is interested in computers only but I am not. I am interested in politics, films, history other things but he is not. Even in food also I am interested in Vegetarian South Indian he is interested in NV. We do not have any common subject to talk about except my son. I don't know why he does not wish on my birthdays also. But at the same time I have to admit that he is simple man, without any bad habits and a good father. We hardly speak on anything everyday. But I have to admit that we do not quarrel often inspite of all these differences.

    I wonder always how we are pulling through, but we have loads of patience. I always see the sunny side. Eventhough we do not share anything literally, I thank Almighty for giving such a husband.

    God bless to all those who have found friends in their husband.

    Friends do advice me whether I have to change myself.


    Kala
     
  6. dsrini

    dsrini Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Kamla

    U R exactly right Good Communication is very important (everywhere) especially between husband and wife.

    Thank you everyone for sharing ur views/experiences.

    Cheers
    -Dhivya
     
  7. vaidehi.sa

    vaidehi.sa New IL'ite

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    i do agree it is good to discuss everything with your husband,to take his as a friend & to see that he to see a friend in you. but it is awful to use what is being told & hurt the other.

    generally as years go by in your married life one tends to become each others friend philosopher & guide, & like to discuss everything under the sun. besides how each reacts differs from person to person. so we must take what comes in our way as it is, & not keep bothering much about how husbands behave. Let us try & mend ourselves & stop trying to improving others
     
  8. yana25

    yana25 New IL'ite

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    Hello Everyone
    This is a very interesting thread. This is something closely related to our day-to-day life but I personally haven't given it a thought. Well, i just completed one year of my marriage three days ago.. The year was fabulous...
    Ours is an arranged marriage and we hardly met in our courtship period as he was in US and i was in India .. but we used to chat over the internet and phone calls.. Immediately after engagement i was very scared of sharing everything with him... But gradually , i understood that he is a very calm person and always thinks of the positive side in everything even in a bad thing he has the knack of finding out positives.
    My in-laws are on the traditional side as compared to my parents, but they are very good indeed and treat me as their daughter. We both moved to US after 3 mnths of marriage .. When in India with my in-laws, ours is a kind of family where husband and wife do not talk much in front of in-laws!!
    But here in US , we are only two of us ... Nobody else to talk , just me for him and he for me !!
    Yes, i do share everything with my hubby. In the evening when he comes back home from work , i share everything with him while we have dinner. In fact i cannot hide anything from him now to the extent that i cannot even keep a surprise from him... And he is a very jovial person too.. He too shares all important things with me .. He might not share every little thing as to what happened in the day as I do but he shares all his major decisions and thoughts.. I am very lucky to have him for his patience to listen to me (chatter box)

    I don't know why ,but i feel comfortable once i tell him everything.. I am just one year into marriage and don't have kids yet.. After reading to all the posts here , i am worried now. We do talk about how busy we will be after we have a kid but we still would want to share everything even then and for years to come .. hope this happens and there are no differences between us even after many years of marriage! :hatsoff
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2007
  9. devvrinda

    devvrinda New IL'ite

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    Dear Dhivya,
    As Nivedha told discussing everything with husband depends upon the nature of the person. Me and my husband share everything - family, work, etc as he is my mentor and best friend. We compliment each other. But as he is an emotional and sensitive person certain things I discuss when I feel that it's time to share. But I feel good when I discuss so I wont delay it for long. But if the problem is solved or atleast it's not any more serious then I reveal. Well, I believe that it's good to share whatever is happening in our lives. But it all depends on the mutual trust and respect.
    Good luck ladies!
    devvrinda
     
  10. sindukarthik

    sindukarthik New IL'ite

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    Hi Dhivya,

    I too agree with you. I too discuss everything with him.

    Bye

    sindhu
     

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