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Do teens talk mom or dad?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Anandchitra, Sep 21, 2007.

  1. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello
    I have a teen boy who would rather talk to his dad even when his dad is travelling and is in China. With me it seems i have to become a reporter and do investigative work to figure out whats going on at svhool. Also he either has a book in hand most times or cell or ipod. so whats going on? :idontgetit: anyone got any light to shed here? thanks.
     
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  2. Sindhuja

    Sindhuja Silver IL'ite

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    Chithra,
    I guess it's quite common especially with the teenage boys. My friend who has a teenage boy also complaints that he never talks, does not tell what's going on in the school.
    Sindhu
     
  3. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Chitra,
    I am also facing the same problem with my 11 year old son. We had to do all sorts of tricks to get some answers from his mouth. I usually go to the class teacher and ask her what is going on at school and the class.
    Do you believe that he didn't answer us correctly to which subject and what chapter he is having his tests the coming week. I had to go to the classroom and got the answers from the teacher herself?
    I read somewhere that due to changes going on in their body at this time, they maintain a distance from their parents, especially mother. It doesn't mean that they do not love her. Maybe it is the high time they had to have an identity among their friends and society. During this age, friends are important to them than their family. They do what their friends do and also accept what their friends say.
    Hope other ilites share and pour some insights into it.
    Sriniketan
     
  4. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear AC

    It is not only teens..my son who is going to be 5 also does not tell me anything about what happens at school when I ask him.Then after sometime,when I am no longer interested,he will slowly start telling things one by one.These days,I wait for him to come and tell me on his own:mrgreen:
     
  5. Shobanag

    Shobanag Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Chitra - as the mom of a teen (girl) who recently finished high school, I will tell you at this stage in their lives, they do not like to be prodded about school, etc. I guess my daughter does talk to me when she wants; it is kind of on her schedule and not on mine! - although the ipod, phone, etc - the same for girls too. They like to be left alone - I would continue to keep talking to her even when I did not get the answers - so, down the road she knows that she can always come to me. I have heard from friends who have teen sons, that this is quite common - so dont worry. Just keep up the conversations so that he knows that he can come to you.
     
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi achitra,
    i cultivated the habit of them telling me everything from their kg....they tell me everything...but sometimes...even they clamp out...son tells me these are personal issues you should not butt in.. (9years and talking like a teen)...i understand and give him the space..but keep my husband informed....they do have guy to guy talk....

    sometimes...it is better that way....

    I think it is part of their growing up and wanting their space....and the boys also have their hormonal swings....so let them learn to tackle.....

    Just relax...and keep on showing him that you are available if he wants to talk......and you continue to talk as if there is nothing...start with your day...he will definitely start sharing.....

    This is from a mom's point..... i will ask veda for the dad's point....:-D

    relax...and enjoy this phase of your sons life.....
     
  7. 4indianwoman

    4indianwoman New IL'ite

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    Hi Archita,

    You may try sew things..
    1. Start visiting more frequently to his school...
    2. try to get mingle with his friends.. allow you SON to invite them at your place ..
    Allow them to enjoy.. their favorite food..
    3.If is not willing to tell what he did in the classroom , you can start talking about Playground...

    Hope these tricks may Work! All the best....
     
  8. Vysan

    Vysan Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    In general boys confide in their father and girs with the mothers.... But when it comes to affection boys wii be more attached to the mother and girls with the father.... this is the general principle...

    In my case it is an exception, that is what shan claims that both are more attached to me...

    Boys confide with the father because the father can understand the feelings of the son, as they would have gone through the same stages and they try to advice from their experience... the father can understand better... When it comes to the mother, she will lookat the things and try to pass a judgement rather than understanding their natural feelings... There the mothers will look at whether it is right or wrong... The son is not writing an exam for you to give a pass mark... He is learning life.... going through things.... Instead of being there for him to get through being critical will not help...

    This is what I tell shan when it comes to my son.... The same holds good for daughters.... She will be more free with her mother than with father...

    It is the natural human tendency with all that we set standards for the opposite gender and our expectation level goes up from our kids.... So instead of we being there for them will be their critics...

    So, in my opinion if your son is calling ur hubby and explaining things leave him be... Give him free space, slowly he will come around...

    Veda
     
  9. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks to all who replied. yes it is making a big difference when i follow all the advices. it also helped destress me so thanks so much.
     
  10. Nimi

    Nimi New IL'ite

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    12 Yr. old son - need help!

    Hey!

    When I read all about teens, and look around find the perfect teens, I wonder whether I am the only one with a not so perfect son! He is 12, and quite a sweetheart when he wants to be one, but at times he is so rebellious! I have made a sort of time table for studies during weekend (just 2 hrs a day), and though initially he was'nt happy, he adheres to it now. He is above avg. I guess, coz he gets A's and A-'s in his school work. But what I will never understand is, he studies, puts effort into his work at home, and in his class tests he gets a B or a C!!! I checked with his teachers and they say, he just makes silly mistakes, and does'nt bother to double check his work on completion!!! I just cannot understand this, and this upsets me a lot! He knows it, but he is in such a hurry to get it out of his way, that he does'nt read the question paper thoroughly, and he does silly mistakes, and does'nt double check his paper! I've been trying to make him understand this, and showing him, how he is losing out on test grades, while he maintains his class and homework so beautifully! Any ideas as to how to make him see sense into this whole thing??!!
     

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