Do Parents Love Their Children Equally?

No argument there - this is an 'actions speak louder than words' scenario right? If you were ferried by rickshaw to municipal school and your siblings shipped to Doon, well yes, that's certainly wrong. I wouldn't argue. But what if parents were well off to begin with and then suffered setbacks affecting you? How do you as a child understand it, to what extent do you as an adult perceive it as 'unfair', what are you owed in recompense?

Let's see if I can clarify what I was getting at:
Extreme cases of favoritism or abuse, like some of the situations described in other posts above, are pathologies. We might not understand the roots, the whys and wherefores, but we can recognize them for what they are. As children we are powerless, compelled to endure, but as adults we must learn to deal with it, if only in our own minds. The longer we fail at this, the more of life we squander.

For me, 'Do parents love their children equally' and 'Do parents treat their children equally' are not synonymous, although they may be partial reflections of each other. The latter can be taken to ever higher degrees of resolution, depending on one's temperament. I do not have a pet name, a sibling does. Am I to take this as a sign?

Reflecting on this yearning for 'love', I realized that the greatest gift my parents gave me was a blanket of security where that question never entered my mind; until my friend's attempt to do herself in posed it for me. My self absorption was (is?) made possible by their unobtrusive generosity.

I am more interested in the interstices of life, in the grey areas where ambiguity rules, in the music of the heart that draws us - even parents - inexorably towards one or another. I am interested in the relationships between (non-)event and perception, in signs of love and lack, real and imagined. I am curious about these imbalances and asymmetries, while at the same time wishing to let them be. It's a bit like arguing about music. Critics may have their justifications for preferring this over that. I want to hear all about it and still be able to say - Eugen Doga - Gramofon/Sweet and Tender Beast over Shostakovich W. 2? Go ahead knock yourself out.

Maybe if crores were at stake I'd feel differently.

Wait! You have been experimenting with your kids? Hai hai!
Someone ... call child services!

 

For nearly 15 years in my life, i used to tell my parents - that you like only your son and don't like me. I love my brother very much but i was always thinking my parents favored him. Now i know the reasons what made me think so was really silly.
Now i realized its not true. They did support me the most difficult times and are still supporting me to such an extent that i never thought of. Now my SIL says that my parents like only me and my kids than my brother and his family. That is not true either. They are just doing it because i am in deadly need. I feel most of the parents do love their kids equally and favoring one or other based on the kids' situation and needs.
I hear this back from my elder daughter now - that i am favoring my younger daughter more. i used to laugh and think of how i told that to my mom.

 

No extremities and no special situations ..we are avg parents with pretty avg kids..none of my kids are exceptional or disadvantaged in anyway. Even then what I was trying to say is that love is often perceived , measured and mercilessly judged through actions..kids pick up on very very subtle variations. That I would give up my life in a heart beat for any of them is something they probably know but it often takes a back seat and this perception of favoring does cause some real damage. It does break their little hearts every once in a while...and how I handle that and keep that feeling in check will probably play a large role in how they view some of my actions later when they grow up.

My children are very very different people. And for an exactly similar situation I react differently.

Eg 1 Lets say DS1 says he wants to do X or wants to order Y I just point him to the wallet. Most of the time he enters the details . I don’t even bother. I don’t do that with DS2..I don’t say no ..but I also don’t say yes right away.
I spend sometime going over with him all the options ,the whys and then decide . This action might seem unfair and I am reminded of it in much harsher words.

In my heart I know why..and i do try to explain without much luck. DS1 does his homework well before he comes to me..he knows what he wants when and why researches all his options and takes the best financial decision given his knowledge. For his requests (which are almost never frivolous ) that is more than what even I or DH have bandwidth for. This has nothing to do with age. He was that way even he was very little.

eg2. DS1 also shares very little. Its mostly FYI what he thinks I need to know and when..very rarely about what I want to know .DS2 shares a lot more..I spend a lot of time talking to him…He probably knows more about my colleagues than even my DH. I know what DS1 thinks about this..sometimes I get…after all u love him more.... I am human ..I cannot talk when all I get back is ..yup and a shoulder lift.
So now I have before me two options for the above scenarios..

Each time I get a request.. Review and only then approve regardless of who it is . This I feel is inherently unfair to the one who has already put in tons of work .

Share my feelings equally regardless of how they reciprocate… ..DH walks this line very well . I some how can’t,
So I hope and pray that in time they will realize that we love them all the same even when my actions (the only window to my feelings) seem otherwise . They are different people and that muddles things up quite a bit.

 

Yes, parents do c partiality.. I had born with an elder sis and younger brother.

Sis is always spl to mom , since shez the first baby

Bro born after so many prayers.. so hez candy to both their eyes

I've always been an extra luggage to them. Have experienced partiality in each n everything. Till date , even after my marriage this is continuing.

 

Some people should not have kids.