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Do Parents Love Their Children Equally?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Sparkle, Oct 26, 2016.

  1. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with you ....Parents normally uses these phrases to inspire the other siblings, but it may set competitiveness among siblings...when parents compare siblings, then children will automatically start comparing among each other....when one sibling will compare with other sibling, they will compare the treatment also which they are getting from parents, their young mind may not understand the reason behind the difference in treatment, hence resentment may start to set in.
     
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  2. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    There's a big difference between having a favorite child and showing favoritism. IMO, having a favorite child is fairly common. Showing favoritism OTOH can have long-term consequences — both good and bad — for the favored as well as for the not-favored kids.

    .
     
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  3. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    But I do think most parents would appreciate the smart kid. That is what they do. But what I am talking is from the perspective of the smart kid regarding his/her parents. Since that kid is already a smart one, would have a thought about the perceived bias with regards to the special attention to the other one, which is basically to uplift the other. The smart one, because still not mature enough would not have understood at that young age.

    Then secondly with regards to other hidden talent, yes some do have some don't have it. But there is lot of variation among the parents IQ as well, so we cannot blame them if they didn't find the hidden talent in the first instance. Parents they themselves are not perfect individuals, they are trying their best to give it whatever to their kids with regards to education etc. You can also say that most parents put their unfulfilled desires in their kids upbringing. It is not wrong, because some of them are valid, as they might not have had the opportunity or wishes fulfilled by their own parents. So they try to give it to their kids by all means possible.

    Thirdly leave alone the hidden talent, if found and if it had been a successful future career then would be fine. But having said that some of the hidden talent are not going to be having a bright future depending on the countries we live in. Parents do take that into consideration as well. Most often that is why they put their kids onto all the extracurricular activities, but focus on education.

    Lastly parents would like the average kid not to feel insecure and left out. There is always the possibility that as the children grow up the average one would feel down even if the parents are not comparing them. This is definite one which would occur because this kid would see that the other sibling is climbing in term of education in leaps and him/her are not able to do so. That would bring a natural tendency to think them as not good enough. I am of the feeling that self opinion should not arise. The least the parents could do is to uplift this kid even if not the same level but atleast to near level.

    Whatever we talk, at the end of the day, we are still bound by the society which values education and career for its success. For our kids to stay afloat even if not the right one, we need to make sure that we do what is in the best interests of the kids. Later definitely they would understand. What we had once thought as sibling rivalry would have disappeared as we grow up, because we mature in our thoughts and we should hope the same for our kids.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2016
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Sparkle

    Congratulations on your thread being nominated by @vaidehi71.

    It depends on how human mind measures love. If it is purely measured based on personal attention, a mother spends more time with the children (adult or not) that are physically or mentally challenged, slow-learner, one that requires more physical and mental support, the one that suffers in life, the one that is financially less-secured and so on.

    My wife was the only child and hence never faced discrimination and so is my son. But I was born with an older brother. My mother not only spent and continue to spend more time with my older brother primarily because he was born with some disability (now it doesn't exist), married to someone in her family, suffers more because of his spouse and daughters, financially less-secured and most importantly, he is the one who has the right to perform her last rites, if something were to happen to her. These are critical things to her and personally, I don't let this extra affection measured by extra attention towards my brother affect me personally. But when it affects my family, I feel the pain.

    She has not even spent a few months raising my son nor invited him to spend time with her during summer holidays. He is now 27 years old. All he knows is parents, paternal uncles (my paternal cousins), maternal grand parents and mother's relatives. He doesn't know much about his Periappa, Periamma, his direct cousins and father's mother.

    Viswa
     
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  5. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you Viswa sir!

    I faced discrimination myself and may be I am used to looking through that glass. I wish I could be more like you, letting things not affect me personally. Sometimes I can, sometimes I cannot.

    There is some level of expectation we have from our parents when it comes to our own children. Maybe subconsciously parents are trying to gain the love/fair treatment they did not get before, for their children. This kind of expectation can only mean they love their children and family a lot.
     

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