Do mothers stop loving their sons after he marries????

@shobhamumbaikar

I responded to the above line posted by you in your OP. It seems as if your DH was forced fed something inappropriate by his mom to win a power game with you. I understand that you are being sick of this.

An adult can not be forced fed, moreover if he has health issues concerning to foods, and he is well aware of it then how come he complains of force feeding?

Well, you may come back and say.. I did not say my H complained. Well... if your H did not complain about this to you, it means he either accepts it or enjoys it. Otherwise, he would have rejected it. Come on... he is a grown up man. Not a kid. Even if he complains, it doesn't show his helplessness, but his attitude of showing 2 faces. I hope he is not that kind of a kid.

Why being sick if your H is ok with whatever happens at home? I assume again here, because if someone is not forced fed, not angry about it or not rejected the food but ate it and it is not an isolated case but apparently a regular scenario. This indicates, he is fairly ok with this. Leave it.

He will react when he feels uncomfortable or upset or realized the fact that he is being forced fed. He will handle it. Because the person in question is his mom, not a state authority or someone from outside that your H might feel controlled to raise his voice.

Moreover, some old people do not stick to the diet chart. It is how they were living all throughout their lives. Even I don't strictly follow my dietitian. If my mom, MIL or anyone offer me some very tasty food to eat, I would consider eating that instead of breaking their heart. It is also a matter of pleasing my taste buds time in and out. But when my biological clock reminds me of my health status (acidity, being fat or other allergies) I would consider a way or two to diplomatically reject them. Again, it is all upto my level of tolerance, mood and all. After all, it is my home, my people why so much strict unless you are extremely sick and no help.

Take it easy... You serious take on this made me feel as if you were also fighting for the power.

 

Like Jigisha, i will also only answer your question as to why she is dong that. from what you said in your post let me tell you she loves her son but there are other things overshadowing that love.
1. Her over confidence that she knows better than the doc
2.Her ego that stops her from thinking that anything that she does can ever be wrong
3.Her insecurity that makes her think that if she now changes the way it will somehow make you win as you are the one that started it before her. If the doc and dietician chapter would have happened in your absence and her presence and if your mil would have started following it before you, the scenario would have been different here. and she never wants to you to win because that will mean her losing her importance to her son (according to her)
4. Her hatred for you because you are the intruder who intruded between the mom and son (again according to her).

The deadly combination of all these has resulted in her being what she is now. Believe me she is not doing it very calculatedly. She just has lost her ability to think logically because of the overwhelming presence of all these in her mind. You can be logical to a thinking person, not to a bundle of negative emotion that she is now. So don't even try that. Don't feel bad for her words. Treat her as a mental patient. And don't become a patient yourself. Be diplomatic and ask your dh to be careful about his own food as you can not do a thing about that. Discuss the chart with him once again if necessary. Ask him to refuse to eat anything that is not good for him outright but politely. If he fails to do it at times, let him face the consequences. that will make him careful next time. And i repeat, do NOT feel bad for what mil says, just pity her and move on. Hope it helps. take care.

 

@OP...
You must be joking.. after marriage MILs shower extra love with tadka laga ke on their sons..

 

oh my sweet innocent, still in love with your hubby, friend.....

you have got only part of the issue here.. let me help compete the circle.

Let me assure you that your MIL is sane and with her very SANE MIND, she is actually getting her way. Also her main objective is to fulfill her wish and her intention.

and what is your MIL's intention??

(now now when you read further, remember NOT question yourself " IS this FAIR")

MIL's intention: My son should love ME more. I should be the only women in his life.

MIL's Fears: damn my son now has his wife, young and beautiful. My son is at the age where he would want to have SEX. His wife is the only one who can give that pleasure to my son. ****.. how unfortunate that i cant give him that pleasure. i know my son will forget the 1st woman in his life... which is ME. i know how men work, what SEX is to men, i was in her place few decades ago too, i know what all i did to get my hubby to me and to get my MIL off my back and now I am a MIL and my son.. OH MY SON. I have always loved him all his life, will he forget all what i did for him for all these years??
My DIL will take over my son!!! i cannot let this happen.
I should make sure that all other aspects of his life i will it soooo much better for my son that he will only listen to me, and love me more, and never forget me.
Damn i got competition with that young good looking lady (his wife). I need to get my A game ON.... HE IS MY SON, I KNOW HIM MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE

MIL's Planning begins: cook the food he likes, make sure he talks to his mum more, make sure the son discusses everything with mum not the wife, pamper him , look after him, be the one who showers lots (i mean LOTS) of love and care etc etc etc....


so this is the reason why you MIL behaves the way she behaves. when she sees you and she feels that she has a huge competition she cannot WIN, but she will not give up. Also when you manage to prove her wrong/incorrect oooooo my myyyyy, she will gets even more raged....

now what should you do

i am sure you do not want me to tell you that.
But i hope this would help lessen the stress your MIL's behavior is causing you. Hoping also you will not take you MIL seriously... coz you got the key and you have already WON this competition that your MIL has started....



i hope i atleast have bought a smile to your face
dont stress on the battle you have already won...

 

Shobha,

Similar scenesin my house too. If I cook chapathis(yes!) for my husband in the night she would make a big hue and cry and do propaganda all over the place saying I dont give him proper food.The same thing her dd does is alright with her saying she takes good care of her husband. My husband is a bit of an absent minded person who eats whatever is given. Due to these things, I lost my enthusiasm in following doctor's suggestions. My suggestion is stick to your guts about diet. If possible praise that she cooks healthy food andtakes good care etc so that she is on your side thanadversary.

 

Op time for you to revisit 'Art of turning deaf.. ' thread. You said she behaves like crazy, illogical person, so start treating her like one. Remind your DH to take care of his health without getting into nitty gritty of it. Next time don't sit down and discuss charts, she might feel threatened. Please don't feel hurt or depressed, it is totally not worth it. Every time she says something mean, repeat in your mind 'She is depressed, i don't want to go down that path' or you will turn into her :twisted: