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Do in-laws change after having grandchildren?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by generic, Dec 13, 2014.

  1. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I do not have kids as yet..not yet started TTC ..actually I have a major worry that is stopping me from going ahead to the next step...I have had some major issues with my MIL..usual story..MIL is extremely possessive about her son..feels I'm not good enough for him..also she's extremely short tempered and shouts if she gets angry..which is quite often...throws unreasonable tantrums to get what she wants..I have been having a tough time with her..

    The issue is so bad many people of my family circle got to know of the in-laws problems which I have (once she insulted me in front of many relatives for a trivial issue)..but all are assuring me that she will change if I have a baby..they are saying that after seeing her grandkid she will get affection towards me..she will be occupied with the baby and will not have time for such nonsense..But my doubt is..will this nonsense really stop or will it get worse? Can I have a normal pregnancy with so much of stress and negativity around me? I know of a case where an MIL harassed her DIL even when she was carrying..the poor thing developed too many complications due to high stress levels and was hospitalized..Will an MIL stop ill treating her DIL just because her DIL gives birth to a baby? or will the issue become worse? (like using the child to get back at the mother or continuing to shout at everyone and creating dramas at home, thus traumatizing the mind of the small child from a young age?)

    Please share ur personal experiences ..I'm nervous and scared at the thought of having a baby in this situation as I will have to stay in joint family after having kid..
     
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  2. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    I would not bring a child to that kind of environment. First build a loving and peaceful home and then it would be time for babies.
     
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  3. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't think basic nature of people will change, if your MIL is nasty now , she will stay nasty . You need to find ways to cope with her.

    one thing may be true, she might get occupied with the baby and think less about troubling you ..
     
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  4. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    You never know. But highly unlikely.
    That said why would your first point of consideration in having a baby should be such nasty person who doesn't care a bit about you?
    If you think you are ready to be parents go ahead. If she is good welcome, if not find ways to keep her out.
    This too much attention from us makes their pompous egoes go sky high.
    Its upto you. Your life your body your responsibility. You decide
    Good luck
    Vaidehi
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    It is unlikely she will change her behavior towards you.
    She may or may not dote on the child once it arrives, but don't expect her to suddenly be nicer to you. At best she may just leave you alone.
    What is your husband's position in this situation? He should be standing up for you.
    As long as you have a good bond with your husband, you should not be letting your MIL's attitude be dictating when to start a family.
     
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  6. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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  7. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    That said,now I have a kid and I have my own personal experience.Having a kid is definitely good-you and your DH would bond on a different level,he would help in LO's works,you would get very busy etc..But frankly speaking,it would hardly help in problems related to ILs-atleast in my case it didn't help much..
    MIL and SIL are so shrewd that they don't leave any opportunity to express their fake love for DD(although they would never lift a spoon to help),its just verbal care and love.But constant show of this thing makes DH "awwwwwwwww they are so caring,they love our DD so much" etc.. After having my DD,they all bond more,talk more etc..
    But yeah,it takes away your time and makes the child number one priority..
    So,physically and financially,YES it helps but emotionally,it makes men think how much sacrificece their parents did or how much these people love the kid..
    But,having a kid broadened my vision and made me more rational in dealing with ILs,my focus too changed..
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    She won't change.You may have to change things around.Have a plan to deal with her first.
     
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  9. resmij

    resmij Silver IL'ite

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    Hii,

    Take my word- MIL will never ever change.

    she will always be MIL.

    Once u become a mother, the child will be theirs. and u will only be A Bahu.

    Your Hus will be always her son, and his child will also be hers. But never ever she will accept u.

    be ready to hear - the way u take care of child is not good- u don't know anything-

    and mamma boy ( hubby) will remain silent, as usual.

    this I am writing because of my personal experience.

    I hope u have a different story.

    Regards
    resmij

     
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  10. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    People don't change just like that.... Unless otherwise she has some immense want for ages for a grandkids... If you wait for other people it's gonna be forever. Have a baby when you and your husband are ready... I don't see a point waiting for anyone else

    As of the love for the baby, maternal side can still be trusted as they wont get anything out from just show-off. I always believed paternal side also is as pure but you never know if it's for the love or for the goodies from their son. This y- chromosome endowment makes things so confusing.....
     
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