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divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in USA

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by vatsala719, Dec 23, 2011.

  1. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    Srividya and et al. The OP and the only respondent with an experience i.e myself already know how to handle life. As mentioned, I am not seeking advice but I'm sharing how people get molded. It is not their mistake to behave either. A little bit of rewinding will remind all of us how children in school days are asked to find out how a class topper achieves the top rank, the strategy behind the persistent success. In a class, if there are 10 students and 3 of them don't study well, the general tendency would be they would be isolated. How many kids would share their homework with others? They will not in the fear of overtaken by someone else.

    Unfortunately, this pattern continues. Even at work, nobody would want to be associated with a poor performer. All of us want to be in the limelight, with successful people and surrounded by competitive people who will help us in progress. When the other party doesn't gain a bit of anything, why do they want to be associated.

    Human values are political speeches that would attract applause's. In reality one must live in a dog eat dog situation.
     
  2. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    Why line up to do ceremonies in a marriage unless specifically invited ? Some rituals do require married women to participate , in fact if the girls Mom is a widow she will abstain.
    One can sit out and wait for a request to participate.

    Now regarding rejection, why not reject the rejector, why give so much importance to him/them ?
    Tit for tat, give them a dose of their own medicine.
    Its the attitude that counts in the end.
    The issue about DV makes people blind since they dont want to be involved in the mess. The abused wife may ask for help, the H H (horrible husband) may drop them like a hot potato from his social circle.
    But they do discuss it and the HHs reputation takes a beating. The wife gets indirect moral support from other wifes.
     
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  3. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    Dear,
    You need not worry on issues of this kind. Let go off. Almost many of them are sadistic (meaning, they are happy when someone suffers when they are well in a particular issue). It only shows how cruel they are. But I am sure they will repay for what they have given. Sometimes in another issue or sometimes in the next birth.

    The best medicine here as flowerlady told is to reject the rejector. It will sometimes work positive too. But even if doesnt work positive, give a damn.

    Every one's life is based on their own karma of past deeds and hence those cruel people will have to repay what they have done.

    The wind mills of God grind slow, but for sure.

    Special Regards,
    Tinku
     
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  4. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    Regarding involvement in Domestic violence better not to intrude between husband and wife, tnis is from my personal experience, most often we end up taking side with our dear one either freind or close relative without knowing the whole story. We can only advise what are the options available and do not say anything directly to opposite party, we will end up regretting later in life. Most often women women do not want to go to counselling or we do not know the whole story, later when husband and wife get together we look like fools for interfering in their life. If they are serious about their saftey most women can help tnemselves like some of our posters.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    I guess we got to stop this generalizations on how the entire world has become....yes in this competitive world, it has become like a dog eat dog situation....however not really the same when it comes to handling friends/family...everyone has their priorities and if you are not priority for someone....no point in talking about anything ..doesnt matter if that friend literally grew up with you and knows you or your entire family n nature...(may be first of allw e have to understand WHO IS A FRIEND--define it right!!!)
     
  6. vatsala719

    vatsala719 Senior IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    The women who write in this forum use this to express their feelings, their woes, stress, mental agony etc. Most of the time they know how to get out of them, but they want to share and get feedbacks and support from others who had gone through similar experiences in life. We cannot forget that we came to this foreign country (however familiar it is for us now) from a very protected family, parents, siblings and extended relatives who were always there for us when we were happy or sad. Here we are alone in nuclear families sometimes with relatives and friends in the same State yet in our own family. We Indians are very good in hiding our feelings when living with our spuces and sweep all our wishes and wisdom under the carpet. Least, they want to talk or show even a glimpse of our let-down life to our relatives or friends. It happens in the wealthy and not wealthy families in US. Kids are Just one reason that we think of as a reason that "some so called blessed with children group" look down upon those who don't have children. One of my friend has not seen her daughter or son in years. One mother told me that it is she who calls them all the time and they rarely call her. It is totally another story to see how these kids are raised and how they behave with others. It is sad that even a 5 year old will tell you about what happens in thier household. How do I know? I was a social worker doing investigations about neglect and abuse. Let me stop right there because it will open a can of worms we don't need in this forum.
    I know quite a few single, divorced and widowed women in all age groups. Almost all have one or two children. But I see all these women working and maintaining their lives in a respectable manner. Widows are more accepted than the single and divorced women as I see in the Indian social functions. I would go and sit with the divorced friend (became a friend after divorce) because she was not accepted by her previously friendly families. I thought that was a cruel punishment and I encouraged her not to pay a penny to these associations and boycott them. Eventually I stopped -my reasons are that they formed groups according to caste.Disgusting
    My dear RC, you need just one or two very good friends who are trustworthy, non-judgemental and willing to be there for you. It also depends on how You view and treat them. You get nothing without giving. No one likes friends who are wining and complaining all the time. Start with pleasant conversation and in the middle share your personal feelings. NEVER EVER feel low about yourself. Read Self-Help books and books that interest you. Start a new hobby-kniiting, crochet, embroidery etc, Sometimes American friends are more sensitive than Indian
    friends. Joina bookclub in your neighborhood. Pray to God to help you bring the strength you were born and raised with. Life is Not a bed of roses to anyone. But it is NOT full of thorns either. You smell the scent of the flower you desire. Life is full of pleasant surprises! Happy New Year.
    Vatsala
     
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  7. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    When people use a common 'group identity' to discriminate it says more about them surely? Besides one has absolute control over oneself...and managing our own reactions and responses is so hard at times.

    And those who make tough choices believe that their reasons are valid for them...if their company is difficult to digest, perhaps that's a good reason to drift apart...happens all the time in friendships.
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    super duper cool advise......
     
  9. vvvvvv

    vvvvvv Silver IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    Maybe they want to avoid someone stealing their husband. Nowadays, there is less trust between couples and probably they want to avoid something like this happening in their life. Further people do not want to hear all sad news. For the divorcee it is their life but for others it is a story. Everyone have their own worries to worry about. No one cares about others except parents and true friends. Maybe one or two??
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2011
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  10. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Re: divorced Indian women : How are they viewed and treated by other India women in U

    How long can such women live in insecurity and protect their spouses from single or divorced women, if the problem is with spouse why blame women. If one is strong independent financially and emotionally, she will not worry about someone stealing her spouse, probably it is not worth living with such a spouse.
     
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