Divorce With Custody Of Children

OP, you are overthinking… judge does not care if your husband has the reputation of being a saint in front of his friends., ….that will not give him primary custody or affect his alimony payments to you ..

Please don’t embarrass yourself and others here by saying you need to be Sherlock
Holmes like collecting proofs.. you might need that if you want to send him to jail for a long time for abusing you ..and if your proofs are proven FALSE, even you can be sent to JAIL for lying and perjury in front of judge , and I think it is jail Time Up to 6 months or if judge decides more, it can be more prison time …

that is why, many try NOT to complicate divorce cases by going overboard with proofs or whatever you call them .

.here in most cases, 2 words irreconcilable differences is enough to get divorce.. many are not bothered to listen what happens everyday in 10 years of marriage until and unless there are solid proofs with doctors certificates to show long term abuse as perjury or false proofs can lead to jail time !!!

so why anyone should act like divorce is complicated like that of a billionaire trying to divide multi billions assets spread across different states in US and many other countries

if he is abusing you , call 911 and cops will decide which party needs to be sent to jail ., if he proves you abused, you will go to jail otherwise if you prove in front of cops that he abused you , he will go to jail.. or cops can send both to jail if both parties look like aggressors


and even if your abusive husband says 100 times that you are mental, do you think your attorney and judge are DUMB that if anyone calls anybody mental, they will assume other party is mental ..

judge might even slap a slander case if someone calls someone mental without court selected psychiatrist evaluation …

Are you kidding all the ladies here by taking like a child that your husband calls you mental and then he can get child custody ???

.. do you even know how strict the judges are …

do you think the strict judge Will tolerate your husbands useless blabbering or blaming and shaming..
he needs Specialist doctors proofs and further court appointed psych evaluation to prove you mental.,

You need some therapy because you talk and think like a child .. in front of judge, most sensible people don’t even call anyone fool or stupid … do you even know how strict the judges and the law system here is

you are setting a very very bad example for your children by being in an abusive relationship

if his income is higher as I think it is as you mentioned in one of your posts that he drives Tesla , you should be able to get good alimony and good child support too..

You are a grown up woman and you are asking how will you support children..child support and alimony should help you a lot.. my DESI neighbor single handedly brings up her severely Disabled boy after divorce and this boy can’t even speak or walk properly or get into car .. he needs 24/7 assistance …and you are asking how will you raise your children with child support and alimony ???

Are you THAT sheltered .. if so , get self help or therapy ., it is not normal .. …almost more than 50 percent of the women in western countries are single mothers at some point of time in their lives .,

You are citizen, and based on your posts on your husbands salary and assets, will most probably get good alimony and child support so what’s the issue ..

and you talk lamely posting for years posts after posts about your husband on how he USED you to get GC and has been abusing you ..

Most of the times women get primary custody ( mon to Friday thing) like my neighbor until mother surrenders primary custody or is in prison or gravely ill

 

get help ! dont try to do everything by yourself. Talk to a lawyer and the womens groups and the domestic violence helpline thing that others mentioned. If you try to keep making strategies and options and risks all in your head and this forum, you will get stressed out , all over the place and direction less.
I think your issue is 3 pointed. He hits you. You need to end marriage. You need to get custody of kids.
With this, reach out to a professional and let them direct you.
You dont have to wait till the next incident also to start process either.
Just so you know, everyone has great reputation outside until a specific case comes to light. Appearances are alarmingly deceptive. And professionals are of course aware of that.
Take the first step. Who knows , it might be much easier than you think.

 

Consult a divorce attorney. First consultation is usually free. They suggest you what to do.
You need solid actions. In USA, usually its joint custody. All property and money will be devided. You get ailmony and child support if your husband has more income. If you earn more you need to pay more. Child support depends on total time spent with each parent and can vary with States. If you really want divorce its better to get a mutual and don't waste money on attorneys or by going after h . If h is not ready, you can file for contested divorce.
Sometimes, they suggest voice recording or 911 options depending on the law in your state. So, its important you understand every thing correctly. Call domestic violence help line to know more. You can google to collect more information and evaluate if you get custody or not.

Venting here wont help much. Action is needed. You need help by professionals, attorney and therapist / counsellor to prepare you if you decide to go ahead with this decision.

Your husband's good image is his problem. Court consider facts and evidence. You should worry about your safety, life and kids.

 

These things don't matter in the court.
Consult an attorney.

As I have seen in one of my friends case, Her husband hit her, she called 911, he was put in jail. The wife and kids stayed in the house. I don't know much about the legalities here.

You should have a source of income, else your kids could end up in foster care.

 

This.
We have told this to her a million times.

 

I maybe blunt but you are childish and immature!.
You are not being safe! You are just venting and venting from years over here but never taking the advices nor you self introspect on what steps you need to take.
Just sitting and building castles in air won't get you anywhere!
A woman who is working in a foreign country, pays for herself and her kids (as per your posts since your husband doesnt pay for you or kids!) Would more than be capable of living alone and supportinf your kids even without alimony.
Instead of wasting your time in just thinking of being safe while you're subjected to physical abuse..
You should call up 911 or lawyer and take your kids move out!
Stop asking for poojas to remove doshas and expecting some miracles in your life.
Even God helps those who help themselves.
You're behaving like the last bencher student who never attempted to study for exams and gave blank answer sheet yet prays to God to pass him!.
Be practical and behave as educated adult woman to safegaurd your own life as well as your kids.
I really pity how your kids are thriving in such toxic environment where a father never cares nor pays for them nor he is respectful towards their mother nor the mother is behaving sensible!

P.S. I apologise if my above words may pounce you but you need to see the mirror. I hope atleast now you wakeup to your senses and take steps than just venting n wasting your time here

 

given what you posted earlier, your husband is THAT kind of a father who DOES NOT pay for you or your kids while being married for years but would BUY TESLA ….

, DO You seriously THINK he would want primary custody …. it should be obvious ..

And what PROoF does a woman need or are you gathering to ensure your hubby would not get primary custody … like seriously .. especially when he NEVER paid for kids ever while being married ..

moreover , in most cases, only rare circumstances will give a man primary custody such as if mother is in prison or surrenders primary Custody or gravely ill and I doubt you fall into either of the 3 categories !!!

As purpleroses above mentioned and since , I am Older and like to speak the
Truth so I can say bluntly That it seems you are very illogical or may be , you need some intense therapy as years of husbands abuse seems to have impacted your logical thinking capacity !!

I used to hear from old women that some women who stayed put in abusive marriages ( emotionally or physically abusive ) became mentally unstable in their later years .. .. and I never understood that but after reading some posts here on this forum, now I understand that actually happens and why it is better to move out of abusive marriage for the sake of mental health !!

 

Op

I read many of your previous posts. I think you need to take good care of your health first. You are too stressed out recently and suffering from health issued like OCD, periods over bleeding and mental stress. You are too much thinking about husband, mother in law, other people. Don't clutter your mind with fear, phobia, stress, past bad memories etc. Try to take good sleep every day. IF you are healthy then you can take good care of your kids.
Set small targets, one day at a time. Make exit plan. If he hit you take pics and go to doctor also which will be useful for your divorce case. Don't be scared.

I have seen many women who were never employed, no green card before divorce but managed to divorce, get job and raise their kids. You already have citizenship and job and you are already paying for your and kids expenses. He will have to pay alimony and child support. You can rebuild your life better when there is no stress.