Divorce Letter

Dear Wife:


I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I
have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your
boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the
last straw.


Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that
I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even
wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two
minutes,and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You
don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or
anything.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever
the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps
so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too
bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' but my mother raised me
not to say anything if you can't say anything
nice.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned
away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price
tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ... And your silk
boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt
that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto
for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to
Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I
guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get
a dime from me. So take care.

Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Cheers,
Janhavi