Divorce due to inlaws?

So what do you mean by when not triggered? so are there chances that ASG is triggering the insane behaviour in her husband?? If a person cannot hold their bouts of anger, and if either he hurts himself or others....he is not called as a sane person as per me!!!....we are human beings who are given capability to control our emotions n anger...and if someone cannot do that to an extent of hurting others or himself or gets over agressive n abusive...I do not know what to say....I have not come across such a person so I dont think I am fit to say anything in such cases I guess..

on one hand you say he is mentally sane when he is not triggered...but what triggers him no one knows!!!! so how can he be sane person when he doesnt know what will make him angry to an extent of he wanting to do those nasty things (read ASGs previous threads). Also specially when he talks about cutting his wrists or hanging himself...its super scary.

 

Naksh:
I have to disagree with you....ASG's husband is classically mentally ill. It is a sickness, his brain chemistry is all messed up, probably genetically in nature. He needs treatment with psycho-active medications but even with these, who knows if he can be helped a little, a lot, or totally. Totally is very rare. Think of it as an epilepsy of the mind as opposed to epilepsy of the muscles.

ASG has been living in a pressure cooker....pressure and steam and odd behavior coming and going and her trying to be a good wife, make a good marriage, and who on earth could accomplish under those circumstances?

Ladies: we have all known ASG for a long time now and if she is not acting as she normally does and her temper is shorter than usual, let's give her some benefit of the doubt. I think we should all be sending her some strength to get through this and say some prayers to God to help her to have the best life possible.

 

I know Tashi. yep...my initial post tells the same and agrees with you implicitly. Secodn one - just did not feel comfortable by the term - insane.....so made the secdon post.

I am leaving your last note to folks here quoted....so people if missed it in your post...may see it and take the meaning. Thanks.

 

ASG i feel sorry for your situation you are in can only pray for you

 

ASG.....when we suggested you to stay with your mom FOR A FEW DAYS for improving your stressed out emotional state....we had no idea what is your mom's financial condition. About your interviews if you remember I had said hope you do well in your interviews --IN CASE it doesn't work out then it would be a good idea to relieve yourself ...(even if I said see your mom it was to visit her ONLY and make yourself feel better and change your atmosphere).........nowhere I said visit her at the cost of your career or at her cost......I only suggested please look for job options in Florida only becoz you said you had better career choices there becoz of your networks......I also had suggested you need not live with your mom there but pay your rental in your own place...I had said getting a job was important than the place you chose to live at.

I am not and cannot ask you to follow my advice.....but only tried to give a perspective from what I know and from what you had shared with us by then. I do not have any issues with you not interpreting our advices in the spirit they were given.

You know it better than any of us...what are your situations...your family situations.....and at the end of our advice we said, we do not know things as much as you know...so take your own call. The truth is, we can give only add an extra perspective.....We don't know what your family situations are..and where you should live....we can only share our thoughts-and from the limited information we have, we can only add dimensions to your thought process.

while I can appreciate you not understanding the spirit in which the suggestions were given.....I cannot appreciate the labeling under any despisable category. However, I understand and am sorry if there was any miscommunication.

we never asked you to visit your mom to "burden" her.We had thought it would be a nice change of atmosphere for you........but its perfectly ok, if due to better knowledge of your own circumstances..its not ok....Its also perfectly ok if , in your stress, you couldn't see the spirit of the advice and just caught on some words which we offered just as one of the possible solutions.

I have no issues with you choosing to stay or not stay with your mom..we advised you based on our own perspective....which might or might not be suitable in your circumstances....but our thought process is not spiteful for sure.....we have done lot of good things with our thought processes. A lot of us see our best friends in our mothers.....but we also respect those who decide to not share their problems with their because of certain circumstances......We respect you....and expect respect too....

I hope you find some good solutions...which I am sure will........No hard feelings..peace out..

 

People,

If someone on IL is going through a rough time, our purpose is to try and be supportive to each other. To focus on solutions, rather than creating new problems. To give a different perspective to the problem, but, at the end of the day, be supportive to someone we care about who's going through a tough time in their life and came to us for support.

Do we get it?

I need people to stop taking things personally here. With an online post, we only know part of the background, the problems, and frame of mind someone is going through. Can we ALL be mature about this, and give each other the benefit of the doubt, not jump to conclusions, and NOT start an Indian-Western war here or be spiteful with each other? That's NOT the point of this thread, and henceforth, I am going to remove all such references from posts without a warning note.

All of us can deal with this more tastefully than we are at the moment. Just because it is an online world doesn't mean one can take liberties with civility, and I hope you won't disappoint us.

Thanks,
D.

 

I came to this forum few times to get some advice on a personal problem.....got few perspectives...and also got to to read some painful instances by few ladies....

I thought after experiencing what I had gone through, I could offer some help to those who find an iota of my experience useful......the reason being, I felt if something worked for me...it might work for someone else too. It might be different from one's existing options....so even if something was radically different from one's ideas, I tried to still offer my inputs with my reasoning....believing a different approach might bring about the required difference.....

However, I also felt that sometimes there is a gap in what we are trying to convey...and what people understand or judge out of it. I also felt its ok to explain things when we are misinterpreted or misunderstood.

If anyone among my friends would have begun to develop a mindset towards any particular country, I would have definitely told her its not right to do so..........anyways maybe its not ok to say so, and I might really be wrong in trying to explain or point out such things.

I guess my advice hasn't been really helpful to anyone anyways..so there is no point trying to contribute anything any further......with due to respect to members and forum moderators and congratulating everyone on the great work they are doing in supporting each other, I think I will quit the forum, not because I have hard feelings against anyone's judgment, but just because I feel I haven't really made any positive contribution in trying to offer a different apporach to solving problems, so there is no point in even trying to continue doing so any more. So I am out of this forum from now onwards.

last piece of advice---when what you have believed culturally doesn't seem to be working for you...don't be scared to try something "different"....enhance your options by taking diverse advices.....but use just your own mind and judgment to choose the best out of those options....the only thing is make sure when you are making your decisions, your head is cool and at peace with yourself.....work towards your mental peace, and keep taking good decisions. Best of luck to everyone.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. I hope and pray you come out stronger and better out of this.

I went through the posts here am still not sure why did you get married at such an early age?
I can understand that you fell in love with this person, but why didn't you wait to finish your MBA
to get married? 18 is way early to get married. Also how was your family's reaction to this marriage?

I would also suggest you that once you have a job, a lot of employers these days offer something
called Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where you and your dependent are eligible for 6 free sessions
of counseling a year. It will benefit you if you could take some counseling. It will help you
calm down and you will be able to take a more calm/informed decision about your life. If you don't want
to go to your mom's place that is fine, you can also get some emotional support from your counselor.

 

ASG has always helped and supported people here..Today we need to be with her..Lets understand her mental state..

Dear ASG

I know life gets very unfair sometimes and we dont know why things happen the way they happen..I know you are strong enough to handle all these issues but dont let anything ruin your life and I KNOW YOU WONT..Today you are young and you have a bright future so please take advantage of that..At some point in life We need to become selfish even if we dont want..Sometimes we have to be detached even if we dont want.. sometimes we need to hurt others even if we dont want..Afterall we humans have certain limitations..I know you already know all this..Time never remains same.. today time is in your favour..tomorrow ( after few years) it may change..So please ACT BEFORE THAT..You are getting this chance..some people dont even get that..because they cant turn time in their favour..You know everything you understand everything you know whats right so please do that..I know not everything has to be rational or logical in life especially not when you love someone for years but understand one never falls in love..one always rises in love..spiritually,emotionally,mentally,ethically.The day you realize you are feeling empty and you are lost its time to move on..

I know you are very brave but whenever you want to cry,yell,shout or want to get out of this state..Please come here..We all will listen to you..Sometimes being alone doesnt really work..Talking about it really helps..All the best for your interviews..

Lots of love
Stuti