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Divorce de-motivates

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Dreamer, Apr 11, 2014.

  1. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Hi, I'm new here and am certainly amazed at the level of discussion here. Some really nice people talking a lot of sense. Anyways, I am a guy, not married yet, but I somehow feel that with so much divorce around, what if I get a partner with whom I don't share a good chemistry and it all ends up in a divorce? I just get too scared and it makes me nitpick the bad qualities in a person. Is it really feasible in today's world to make such a commitment like marriage?
     
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  2. Sinant

    Sinant Silver IL'ite

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    Dreamer !

    I can understand your anxiety !
    But take a deep breath first. Its not all that bad either.
    Start the relation like a companionship. Dont over burden yourself with the word 'Married'. And the key is :
    1. Just being yourself from the beginning of the relationship so that false hopes are not built.
    2. Some amount of compromise from both the ends.
    3. Trust in your partner.

    Thats all it requires for a strong bondage.

    Hope you find your partner soon.
    All the best :)

    Best Regards
    Sinant
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2014
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  3. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Your reply was uplifting! Thanks.
     
  4. kitty89

    kitty89 Silver IL'ite

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    I'm on the verge of obtaining a divorce decree. It has not de-motivated me. I've emerged as a stronger and a better erson. Now I know what to expect out of a marriage.

    If two people cannot live together, they cannot. There is no better way to explain it. Life throws some challenges at us at times and we need to face them with strength.

    Since you are not yet married, don't think about all these things now. Enjoy your bachelor days. Once you like a girl do't keep a long distance relationship with her. Live in the same city to get to know her better.
    That's the only solution.

    If has been decided by the universe, neither rain nor divorce can ever be stopped.

    All part of learning and living life.

    Cheers.
     
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  5. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Stat seeing some ones good qualities instead of bad ones. Later estimate which is more good or bad?Negatives thoughts would make u end up with negative effects.. Be positive and move ahead. Every human has bad and good ..It is upon you to adjust with what..Either god or bad adjustment is always needed in a relation ship.
     
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  6. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Encouraging to know that. More than being negative, I think i am just nervous thinking about such things.
     
  7. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    I am terribly sorry to know about your divorce. But the way I read your reply, it seems that you are very positive. I salute you for being like that. And you are right, if it has to happen, it ha to happen. It's not the weak person's habit to believe in destiny, some things are just not in our hands. Stay positive!
     
  8. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    When we gain something, we must be prepared to lose something.

    This generation has gained a lot in terms in of technology, social awareness, access to information, right to information, social networking, education, money, careers, lifestyle, immigration, scattered nuclear families, so on and so forth.

    In the process we have lost a bit - simplicity, innocence, sacrifice, communication, naivete, interdependence, proximity, time, so on an so forth.

    Somewhere we want all of the gains minus the losses - impossible to achieve.

    I am not trying to sound over-philosphical but hope you catch the drift. We must tailor our expectations and steer them according to the course the rest of our life and the society we live in is taking otherwise we will be expecting something that we are never going to get.

    All the frustrations and anger you see on this forum day in day out is because of this very disconnect in approach to life. A husband wants his wife to work so they can afford a luxury lifestyle of malls and pizzas and a/c cars but does not want to understand or help her one bit. A woman wants to balance career and family but neither her job facilitates this nor people at home. A couple wants to live an independent life and lifestyle with their privacy and space and enjoy a few moments of togetherness at the end of a hectic day at work and commute in horrendous traffic but they are unable to due to nagging over-demanding unreasonable elders at home. The list is endless.

    So this is not just about marriage and divorce. What I said holds true to sustain any relationship - even friendship in this day and age. Unless people can understand, be willing to see the full 360 degree few, and put things in perspective and prioritize their lives, it is hard to sustain human bonds and most people will prefer solitude to that.

    I understand I have not answered your question or concern directly, but I am sure you found your answer somewhere in this.

    Best wishes to you.
     
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  9. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Your reply directly relates to my thread. It is very explanatory in nature. I know what you are talking about. Maybe this race that we are a part of, even unintentionally, is taking it's toll on our relationships without us realizing it. The way it happens, I guess, is because we don't realize the small moments we lose or the small arguments we have. Someone rightly said, it's the small things which make a big difference.
     
  10. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Dont you take paracetamol coz it reads " can cause liver damage if taken in excess"...
     
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