Divorce - better in US or India?

newbeginning · Jun 18, 2010

Hi all,

I am back in need of more inputs and pointers. For all ladies who have gone thru this painful process....please please advice me on which is better...is it better to go with divorce here or in India?
Somehow I have this feeling that getting divorced here might not give me sole and primary custody of my kid.
My main and sole requirement is my daughter's primary or even sole custody.....I dont care about the money part and the assets. So please let me know your experiences and thoughts on this.

Regards,
NB

Foundlove · Jun 18, 2010

Divorce is not better anywhere. You can have custody of your daughter but please make sure that her father has visitation and DD gets his love and attention too.

The issues are between you and your spouse the child has done nthing wrong and deserves both of your love and attention.

Good Luck
FL

Tridev · Jun 18, 2010

If your only objective is to have sole custody and not joint then you can go to India, there laws are in favor of women , that is also another advantage. You want sole custody of your daughter, that is understandable, but if you go to India how is your husband if he is wanting to live in US going to visit the child.

Mothers cannot and should not seperate the child from the fatherly love no matter how much couples dont like each other. Mothers should not behave that they are owner of the kid, they are parent and it is through the wedlock and not through some arrangement which gives exclusive rights to the child . If the child is young below 5 , courts give the primary custody to mothers in India because moms can take care, but these days mothers are working in office and keeping nanny at their mothers place and claim she is taking care of the kid..as the child is young. To great extent child needs mother during young age probably mother is around too....

Also single life is not easy in US, esp if you have family support in India, in that case India will be better option too.

newbeginning said: ↑

Hi all,

I am back in need of more inputs and pointers. For all ladies who have gone thru this painful process....please please advice me on which is better...is it better to go with divorce here or in India?
Somehow I have this feeling that getting divorced here might not give me sole and primary custody of my kid.
My main and sole requirement is my daughter's primary or even sole custody.....I dont care about the money part and the assets. So please let me know your experiences and thoughts on this.

Regards,
NB
Click to expand...

newbeginning · Jun 18, 2010

Thanks for your reply FoundLove,

Yeah I know that divorce is very very hard for ppl involved...but I decided to go this route when living under same roof things are getting worser and worser for everyone. I actually stayed like this from past 5 yrs to see if things get better....and now taking this decision....because I dont see any other option:drowning.
Of course I want him to meet her and I know DD loves him too. Only thing I want it complete physical custody of her thats all...I guess with joint custody it tough on the kid involved staying one week here one week there type of setup Because even now, he never takes interest in her stuff... even on weekends he is all the time our of the house...so what kind of dad should I tag him as? he never plays with her, nor takes any interest in her activities, school, toys etc etc. But he tells me he loves her more than his own life......I feel mere saying that sentence is not enough right...esp such statement coming from a parent?

Regards,
NB

newbeginning · Jun 18, 2010

Tridev,

Actually he has almost decided to move back to India whether we go along with him or not. He says he has to go to care for his mom who is alone. So what can i really say when a man has decided to leave his wife and kid all alone and go...right? I dont get his priorities at all.

I agree with all ur statements of not separting child from dad....and thats the sole reason why i stayed in this marriage from past few years taking all his mental, physical and emotional torture Because I wanted to try my best to give my child a home with both her parents....but seems like I miserably failed at it I do feel bad for her...but I feel this divorce will do good for me and the man...

Tridev · Jun 18, 2010

NB you dont have to stay in rotten marriage to justify that you are not keeping the kid away from dad. It is obligation of both mother and father to give kid a loving family and harmonious home to grow. So dont feel guilty...Just be sure to not be mean if you seperate, dont make kids pawn to get even

Also what do you mean that he was going to go to India to take care of his aging mother by leaving you here? would you not have gone with him if you are family?

I really see that you are very independent and not someone who would like to tag along with husband if he has to relocate to India for whatever reasons..but then a family has to be together, both have their own set of responsibilities. Lot of people or couples have relocated to India where the husband had aging parents or good job prospects.

newbeginning said: ↑

Tridev,

Actually he has almost decided to move back to India whether we go along with him or not. He says he has to go to care for his mom who is alone. So what can i really say when a man has decided to leave his wife and kid all alone and go...right? I dont get his priorities at all.

I agree with all ur statements of not separting child from dad....and thats the sole reason why i stayed in this marriage from past few years taking all his mental, physical and emotional torture Because I wanted to try my best to give my child a home with both her parents....but seems like I miserably failed at it I do feel bad for her...but I feel this divorce will do good for me and the man...
Click to expand...

Tridev · Jun 18, 2010

Also Sometimes divorce or seperation is the right option if not the best option.. When one of our body part gets infected, and doctors have to cut it, we feel bad for the loss of that part but we also feel lucky to save our life. Bad marriage is just like that infection, everyone will be sad and unhappy to seperate but at the end of the day it is saving us our life...

We should not fear that, face it boldy, it is tough to take decision of divorce esp if we are the one who have decided and initiating..

PS: For you to settle the matter in India will be better as both of you are planning to go to India and live there .

newbeginning said: ↑

but I feel this divorce will do good for me and the man...
Click to expand...

Spiderman1 · Jun 18, 2010

Tridev said: ↑

Also what do you mean that he was going to go to India to take care of his aging mother by leaving you here? would you not have gone with him if you are family?

Lot of people or couples have relocated to India where the husband had aging parents or good job prospects.
Click to expand...

I have this question to NB too.

Regarding US vs India, I think people have given the info already.

Tridev · Jun 18, 2010

I see lot of personality conflict between NB and her DH. That statement threw me off. How can a marriage sustain if two are going in opposite direction and wife not standing by her husband if he is relocating?

Spiderman1 said: ↑

I have this question to NB too.

Regarding US vs India, I think people have given the info already.
Click to expand...

newbeginning · Jun 19, 2010

Tridev said: ↑

Also what do you mean that he was going to go to India to take care of his aging mother by leaving you here? would you not have gone with him if you are family?

.
Click to expand...

I agree with you 100% that if we both are family we have to move together. I was even ready for the move whole heartedly.......but you know the way he told me his decision made me feel like a crap. He just told me that he is going, he does not care if I go with him or not.
So my answer was, if he is ready to give me some basic human respect, I will willingly go with him anywhere in this world!! And he says I dont care.

So what do guys think...should I just tag along and be treated like this by not only him but by his mom also...who will be staying with us there?

See there is a lot of story behind all this....I had done every possible thing to sustain the relationship, while he was the one who didnt put any efforts to sustain this and even now he is the same.

I am ready to standby by him if he can give me some basic human respect.....and treat me like a human. If a hubby cannot even do this much for his own wife...then why should the wife be the one taking the crap and still try to sustain the relationship?