From what you have described, there is enough of problem with you to resolve by yourself. You being a woman, many IL members seem to be mild in response. The truth is, from your story, it is very clear that you are far away from being good wife to your husband and being a good mother to your children. You owe a lot to your husband for making you independent, and for caring the kids till now. What are your contributions, as a wife and as a mother, please ask yourself? Your husband is right in saying you are selfish. You say that you are only 38 and still young to attract other men, but I tell you, with your story you will never able to attract a man for committed relationship like marriage, take my word for this. Men are not such a stupids to commit for long term relationship with women like you, there is hardly any likable quality in what you have written about yourself, what he will get out of such relationship with you? Sorry for so harsh and blunt, I don't mind to be stoned by ladies here, but you should know the writings on the wall. Don't live in a imaginary world. Like few suggested here, go for counselling for yourself first, grow up as an adult, work on all the shortcomings, you have almost 100% chance to get your married life back-on track, with all the attention you need from your husband. About physical abuse, yes it is not acceptable, but in your case it is like trying to discipline an adamant and misbehaving kid. I would keep it aside for time being.