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Disinterest in having sex

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by fragrance, Feb 13, 2008.

  1. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    Hi Ilites,

    I was just wondering whether i should post this or not.
    The problem is i have been married to my dh for the past 6 years and i just dont feel interested in sex. i dont mind if its once in 15-20 days but the problem is my dh wants after 2-3 days. of course he does not force things on me but i feel very bad when i tell him no.
    sometimes i tell him ok fine do it but i will like a statue and i dont get aroused.
    this thing is happening since start of marriage and nothing new.

    anybody has this problem. i m sorry if this post is too explicit, the moderater can delete it.
     
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  2. ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: not interested

    Hi Fragrance

    ILites are mature to understand the sentiments of fellow ILites. You need not feel bad about posting your problem.

    Sex is certainly an important part of marriage and lack of it can lead to many serious problems in married life. My suggestion would be to consult a gynaecologist, don't delay.

    Hope this helps

    Best wishes
    Ansh
     
  3. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Re: not interested

    Hi fragrance

    Nothing wrong in psoting......pls odnt feel bad......we are mature enough to talk about it....and it is part of our married life.which noone can deny......maybe some poeple may not like to discuss in public forum........but they will definitely undertand ur problem.........Sex is very important for married life.......so pls consult ur doctor.........he will guide u properly......
     
  4. Bhooma

    Bhooma Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: not interested

    Fragrance

    First no need to feel bad .. stop feeling bad about ANYTHING ..

    Try and sit down and try to analyse ur problem. Unlike men, who "think' physically, we women think "mentally'.. that means.. just a physical attraction is not enof for a woman.. she has to be mentally tuned in too .

    Try to see if there is something about what your husband does/says/behaves that puts you off .. possibility is there that you dont like something he said or did during the day or two days back ( whatever) and it is playing on your mind ..

    Dont keep your emotions to yourself .. If you feel what he is doing is not liked by you, please feel free to tell him.. that way you end up avoiding so many unpleasant scenes later on .

    Is there any incident that happened to you or you witnessed that has put you off ? In which case you would need to visit a counsellor who will guide you .

    Try to make your bedroom as romantic a place as possible. dont keep suitcases/card board boxes under the bed . try to see that the room is pleasantly scented. If possible get a couple of vases and put some flowers in them.

    You can try using freshly washed sheets on the bed just before you retire for the night . An unkempt bed is certainly a put off ..

    try to think of things that are a 'turn on' for you .. that may help you .

    remember sex is as important to a good married relationship as everything else ..

    I hope the little tips would help you.

    May you have many many years of happy married life

    cheers

    keep smiling

    Bhooma
     
  5. jasminerule

    jasminerule Junior IL'ite

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    It's 21st century and we're all adult who supposed to be having sex duhhh. Talking or discussing about sex should not be considered indecent. I posted something recently about sex but got deleted by the moderator because she thought it was **** :coffee. Sexual topic can't be discuss to antoher person or even our best friend so I think public forum is the best place for women who come together to help you with issue like this. If it's not allowed here then where do we go to???

    It's absolutely normal for women disinterest in having sex it's nothing wrong with you physically but psychologically. Maybe you do not think of yourself attractive or beautiful? My advise is to get some sexy underwear from Victoria Secret's, go to the gym and exercise trust me exercise boost up your sexual desire:). Once you feel happy and have a hotter body sexual desire will come.
    Hope this help....


     
  6. charuchitthra

    charuchitthra Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    Wat Jasmine rules says is true. I ve never been the one to initiate anythng in bedroom. I am married for 3 years now and have a one year old kid. Initially it was almost evryday r evryweek. I never did say enjoy it but felt good tht my hub feels gud abt it. But my pregnancy was lil complicated and so it gave me a break. The problem started six months after delivery. I started saying more no s . He dint push me even once and I started feeling guilty. Even now am so outta shape I feel ashamed to even change dress in front of him. I feel I owe it to him atleast but u know i literally spend my time praying that he shud nt ask for it tonight. I am a doctor myself and theres nothing wrong with me medically. He s not the roamntic type n i get turned on mostly by mushy thingz like chatting for long time , watching movie together, r going out. But those times r a rarity in my life with the schedule we have. and we had a rocky start in married life (he s more devoted to my mil n ll always fight with me for silly thingz). he s way better now and I love him deeply but still I always feel I do it for him. i dont feel any personal involvement. and this outta shape thing is making it more complicated. Can anybody suggest any remedy to really make thingz better?

    Regards,
    CC
     
  7. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hey Ladies,

    I think sex drive has a lot to do with hormones. Until I was breastfeeding my son I was hardly interested in sex. Sex would be very painful for me. I had a healthy sexual life with my husband before my son was born. After I weaned my son off my sex drive came back again. So I think hormones play a big part.

    Thanks,
    Kavya
     
  8. rohinis

    rohinis New IL'ite

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    I think you need to see a sex therapist.

    Do you know what turns you on or off? Do you have any sexual fantasies? Talking about it with your husband might help? Turning him down will only build up frustration.

    Maybe watch some mushy movie together? Not a **** but something where there are some scenes that help you set the mood. Or read some romantic novel together.

    I think you just need opening up. A Sex therapist might help. I think it is covered by your medical insurance if recommended by a OB Gyn. Use it for your benefit.
     

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