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Discussing Finances And Wills With Young Adult Children

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Laks09, Jan 20, 2021.

  1. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    I'm at a stage where I'm pulling my hair out wondering where I went wrong. Today my adult kid had me make her dosa because she doesn't know how to make it crispy. When I asked her what she would do when I was gone she tells me she wouldn't make dosas at home, like that was always obvious.

    This is the general consensus and I'm in complete agreement. Thankfully there are others I can trust for my kids. I do want DD to be able to have her own opinion before consulting others if possible. Especially on matters related to finances.
     
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  2. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    I have always expected my sibling to come here and do the needful. Now that you mentioned it, I started thinking about people outside of family, ones familiar with US laws.

    Food for thought, indeed. I hadn't thought of these things.

    Can you elaborate, especially on how to find the good professional advisor? Where can the kids look for a trustworthy professional?

    I'm going to have mine login to IL and check with Rihana aunty :) She's bound to know what mom would have wanted!
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Remember we had couple of threads about chores and making them responsible? : )

    This Covid and WFH, study from home have had me similarly wondering where (all) I went wrong. I only wanted them to take over setting out the garbage & recycle bins and bringing them back in. No need to collect garbage/recycle from inside the house. Just take the bins and what is near them to the curb, place them as required by the city, and bring them back in the next day before dinner.

    I can't believe the animal this thing turned into. One loooong argument about the need to wash hands when they come inside. I say to cut the big boxes smaller as required the city.. they say I don't want my neighbor to look at the whole box and know the latest TV or kitchen appliance we bought! DH doesn't exactly help with his quite, "That is why it is easiest if I do it."

    I digress......
     
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  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    I was confused when I read this post. I just went back and saw the said thread. I saw it briefly the other day and thought it was a different thread that CIB had started. Thanks for bringing this up.


    Why? Earlier the better, isn't it?

    What's the equivalent process in India? Say the person passes away in the US and as assets in India. What are the requirements, other than a will registered in India?

    Won't the employer help a little? I heard of a similar instance where the employer had legal help for the lady in question. I just assumed that was the norm. Isn't it so?
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I really don't know for sure. It is hard enough for us to find good ones now! But I did find that the attorney who did our latest will and related stuff was able to provide good recommendations in a few things. So, I have her down tentatively as the one to get in touch with initially.
     
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  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    This is something that has annoyed me the most this COVID season. My DH was not around much. We were very self sufficient. My DD did a lot around here, including buying grocery on her way back from school. Now, Daddy has taken over. He's doing the dishes. He's running out at 10:30PM to fill gas in her car because she is going to workout at 5:00 AM. When I ask her to get one odd thing from the shop, he's going to get it(like I can't go). I'm just disregarding it for now because when it comes up, I'm controlling.
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    Please do. Sharing is caring so do share what you find. I'm glad you found the thread useful.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Pre.cise.ly.

    I got them started on cleaning the kitchen post dinner and that fizzled out as his royal highness says he will do it himself rather than ask/remind them. : )

    Whatever... : )
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2021
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  9. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    Nice thread and a timely one. Have been looking for finance course for the kid, but the book recommendation here seems like a great place to start. Thanks for the information.

    Couple of questions without diverting the thread.

    1. For Will and Trust, is it okay to get it done online, or do you all suggest going to the attorney. I think $200 and $2000 difference between the two, but is this a one time cost or needs to be kept up frequently.

    2. Did you all have your assets transferred to the trust so in case the assets are passed on to the kids, they avoid probate fees and delays. In this case, would it be only the property ( home ) or are there additional things which goes into the threads.
     
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  10. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    1. why avoid the hurry to inform banks ?
    There are several auto-transfers setup to pay household expenses, some people would have such things setup to pay credit card bills as well. Some bank employees would take instructions from customers and carry them out without questions, causing a mess to clean up later on. This "informing the bank" is not a priority item, unless there are TOD accounts (see what follows). I would like to keep TOD accounts for non-spouse relatives in "different" banks.

    2. how to get immediate cash to child ? Various vays, of various access difficulties.
    1. Mattress/Godrej Almirah should have some cash money. Parents should know exactly how much, and adultish child must know where it is. Payments in large chunks (like college fees) is not possible with cash money.
    2. I would recommend training 18+ children with access to the locker/vault at the bank. Take her along a few times before she shows interest in adding herself on. The banks would usually have a "signature card", and allow families to add a name (and specimen sig') to the card for accessing the vault. Add your 18+ child to that. You may store your pearls, and hers also in the vault, and go there before parties/weddings etc.. In one of the visits, as you are sitting in the private cubby, show her all the items in the box. This is also your godrej almirah. The child would have access to it during banking hours, provided she has the key. When you go to sign the card, you will be able to see who had signed the card the previous times. If you really really have to leave some emergency cash money, some at home, and some in the locker at the bank is the way to do it. Some parents may also keep authorized (in Child's name) ATM cards here.
    3. TOD [transfer on death] bank accounts with 18+child as the beneficiary. When child submits death certificate to the bank, and fills out their requisite form etc.. the balance is transferred to a newly-opened child's account. Takes a couple of days for this to happen. A few banks and S&L's have these, many may not. Ask if they do. Brokerage/mutural fund accounts will always have these. This has to do with how these things are differently regulated by the govt.
    4. Joint Accounts in Banks: This is quite the normal thing for married couples. However, many would have two joint accounts, with prime account holder's SSN in each reporting to the IRS. Also suitable for couples who live together without the benefit of a legal marriage, but care enough about one another to want to leave them the money when "gone". This arrangement is entirely suitable for Joint A/C with a legal age child. The child will not access the money (works on trust), but can do so legally whenever s/he wants.
    Death Certificartes: In the USA, the decedent is examined, cause of death is gleaned, and then a death certificate is issued by the examining hospital. Even if the person dies at home, people have to send the remains to a hospital for this postmortem exam. The family member (adultish child or responsible grownup) has to get enough of these death certificates (with the raised seal) to deal with every bank, brokerage, asset-holding outfit who would want an original. Funeral company would want one or two. Usually 20 originals would suffice for a regular family. Wealthy people with complex financial lives may need to get a lot more of these. Getting additional ones later would cost a lot more money.
    Yes. I can see how that would mess up a child's day. Recently one young carnatic musician passed away in Auckland, NZ. His wife had to send the body back to India....cost about US$13000, no Covid certification, procedures for packing, sending, receiving, reexamination in India etc.. before the body can be "taken home" for the wake. I think the money was cobbled together by donations. The wife had to stay back in NZ to continue with her job.

    Funerals are expensive in USA. Aside from clear instructions in the last Will, there is also pre-paid funerals. Even your local Costco or Samsclub would have flyers offering such things; after all, a goodly chunk of their clients are old people. These come at a discount, but read the small prints for provisos and conditions.
     

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