Disciplining toddlers.

peartree · Dec 19, 2012

Hi All

I need some advice on what discipline methods to use on a 2.5 yr old! My DD seems to have established a new meaning to the phrase "terrible 2s".... everything results in a temper tantrum and my husband and I sometimes have no clue what to do.
Time outs worked for as brief while, but don't work anymore If I give her a stern look and ask her to go stand at her time out spot, she just shoots back a defiant look and emphatically says no :hide: Sometimes I feel a very strong urge to give a smack on her little butt, but my ped asked me not to do so, saying that it will teach her to react the same way, by hitting! And of course, I am also scared CPS or something will land on my door! She tosses things and refuses to say sorry... I don't even know how she knows what sorry means to refuse to say the word!!

But when I ask at her day care, I never hear any complaints. They say she shares toys with other kids and is a very sweet child! It almost seems like they send a different kid home to me every evening....

Any suggestions on how to calm her down especially during a temper tantrum? She also has the habit of throwing things when we say "no" for anything. How do we correct that behavior and more importantly, is this just a phase? Any inputs will be highly appreciated!

You may also like to read:

5 Steps to Disciplining Toddlers in the Right Way

justanothergirl · Dec 20, 2012

Hmm...PearTree...few questions...
How are her language skills? Is she able to communicate? Her temper tantrums could be her frustration in communicating.
What about her day care? Is she happy there ? One of my little ones at that age...was extremely cranky the moment he came home . Two things
1. He was in a white dominated day care and the kids were much bigger and more aggressive than he was. The result ...at play times he was forced to give up all his toys . He couldn't verbalize it ...so he would throw a tantrum once he came home. It took me a while to figure it out.
2.Evening snacks were mostly N.Veg.The Veg options were plain crackers. It was just not sufficient for the little guy.
A combination of hunger and being the smallest one in the group was hard for him.

PS: 2.5 is hard. It will pass.

Srama · Dec 20, 2012

This too will pass peatree, most certainly! Kids love to push buttons and somehow, however young they are know where those buttons are! I think a lot depends on what you do after her tantrum dies down - that might be sending her a signal. Like once she cools down, do you let her have her way, do you give her more attention etc. As much as she may not understand the word sorry, talking to her quietly every time will also help. Not to trivialize but I think it is cute that she defiantly says no to her time out spot. On a serious note, time to change the spot! Hopefully you will see the terrific threes!

ilovesai · Dec 20, 2012

Hmm, maybe next time she throws a toy or refuses to clean up, tell her you will take away those toys from her and won't let her play with it any more.. Simply put away the toys, so she will know next time she does something that is unacceptable, you will take away her favorite toys. If she cries or tries to hit you, simply walk to another room, lock yourself inside for 2 minutes, then come out. This will help you to calm down rather than forcing her for a time out..

Make sure she is properly fed (fully fed), don't feed too much of juice, make sure she gets enough sleep.. Keep the toys away for some time and spend time with her reading books, allow her to play outside atleast for 1 hour.. this should help

veeramachaneni · Dec 20, 2012

Hmm I have a 2 year old at home and these are the things I am doing. See if any of it helps.

1.The punishment should be consistent. If she said no and refuses to say sorry she will get a time out. She will get a time out each and every time (2 mins) she says no - Now my daughter knows that she is not allowed to say no to me in a mean tone.

2. If she doesn't want to share that will be taken away by mom. She should be sharing her toys when we have guests.

soulful · Dec 20, 2012

Hi Op - I cant advise you - have no kids yet.. but I really found your little one's reaction so cute - and the way you put it in writing, I could almost see her "shoots back a defiant look and emphatically says no" with her little hands on her hips and a lacy pink band on her little head (this is purely my imagination) LOL...I know it may not be funny at the moment..but hey .. sooo sweeet :kiss

Nitha J · Dec 20, 2012

There is no better read than this How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish: 9781451663884: Amazon.com: Books .
Since you are in US; most of the libraries will carry it. I have a personal copy of it (i have 2 kids . Very good eye opener; as to our parenting style as well; on how we "sub-consciously" trigger their defiance.

GodIsOne · Dec 20, 2012

I would suggest you to continue giving her a time out. It will eventually work. Be strong. Tell her clearly that the time out period will be extended if she throws another tantrum. Warn her that her electronics time (tv shows, ipad, any tablet) will be taken away. If she throws a tantrum, then make sure you take it away. Being strong worked wonders with my LO. He now gets it that he cannot behave like he wants and there are rules in the house and he needs to follow it.

Kids are pretty smart these days and they will get a hang of it soon.

All the best!

peartree · Dec 20, 2012

justanothergirl said: ↑

Hmm...PearTree...few questions...
How are her language skills? Is she able to communicate? Her temper tantrums could be her frustration in communicating.
What about her day care? Is she happy there ? One of my little ones at that age...was extremely cranky the moment he came home . Two things
1. He was in a white dominated day care and the kids were much bigger and more aggressive than he was. The result ...at play times he was forced to give up all his toys . He couldn't verbalize it ...so he would throw a tantrum once he came home. It took me a while to figure it out.
2.Evening snacks were mostly N.Veg.The Veg options were plain crackers. It was just not sufficient for the little guy.
A combination of hunger and being the smallest one in the group was hard for him.

PS: 2.5 is hard. It will pass.
Click to expand...

Thanks, JAG Her language skills are actually quite ok. She speaks with us in Tamizh and can switch to butler English in daycare. At time when she starts getting whiny and I tell her "use your words", she is actually able to say what she wants... but her first try is by being whiny!!

She is very happy at daycare. She has been going there since she was 7 months old and is very comfortable with everyone. It is a home daycare and she is one of the oldest kids now. The reports I get from there are that she is a very affectionate child and plays with the other little kids.

About snacks, they mostly give vegetarian stuff. I send her lunch from home because I don't want her to eat what they provide (it is usually cheese pizza, mac-n-cheese, steamed vegetable sandwich... something like that)... and then I give her a snack we're home, before dinner. I don't think hunger is the problem!

peartree · Dec 20, 2012

Srama said: ↑

This too will pass peatree, most certainly! Kids love to push buttons and somehow, however young they are know where those buttons are! I think a lot depends on what you do after her tantrum dies down - that might be sending her a signal. Like once she cools down, do you let her have her way, do you give her more attention etc. As much as she may not understand the word sorry, talking to her quietly every time will also help. Not to trivialize but I think it is cute that she defiantly says no to her time out spot. On a serious note, time to change the spot! Hopefully you will see the terrific threes!
Click to expand...

Thank you, srama They certainly do know where the buttons are and are even capable of sprouting new ones!!! You're right about the aftermath! I guess I also need to learn not to take her tantrums personally So far, my husband and I have been pretty consistent to not give in to her most of the times, but sometimes, we are just too tired to deal with it and just let her have what she wants. I guess we're going to have to be a little stricter about that.

Also, I understand that I need to be calm myself when I am trying to calm her down! These days, when she senses me getting annoyed about something, she says "amma kathadhe" (don't shout)... so I am also trying to watch what I say to her because she repeats everything!