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Disciplining toddlers

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by teju, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. sammy05

    sammy05 New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Even i have a daughter who is 2.5 yrs old and is a real lil monster.When i go to shopping i usually carry a snack and a small container of dough.She loves it and can play for hours together.I don't give it to her when at home.If she demands it at home I sweetly tell her that she'll get it when mummy is shopping.But my only concern is she pushes everyone and does not play by herself.We do not have kids of her age in my apt.So pretty difficult to manage.Even she screams when she does not get what she wants and yells if she has to sit in the shopping cart(another pain).I usually take her to places where they have buggy carts.She is very very stubborn and naughty.She has also started to use the word SHUT UP looking at another big kid who told it to her father(who is our family friend).We felt very bad bcoz though we don't use such words she learnt it from someone and it's very difficult to let her get rid of that wordtsk Be very careful,though we don't use such words at home we should keep their friends also good as you know kids grab bad things sooner.
    .
     
  2. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Teju, I'm giving a big smile as I read your tip! My boy knows very clearly what is his, amma's, appa's. Infact even if i wear my husband's house slippers he points out that I should not wear them:( but when it comes to him taking our things he mentions this is amma's but I want to keep it... sometimes it's very cute to watch him do that. but when he is constantly interuppting with this act it's frustratingshakehead but yes as you say we can't give up as parents:) Latha
     
  3. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Dear fellow moms! Today has been one of 'those' days... both my boy and husband are in bed and I have opened IL to pour out all the stressRant My biggest question for the day is 'How to handle a toddler who says "no" to EVERYTHING'? Since the time we woke up he's been saying "no" to changing diapers, bath, getting dressed, eating... oh God the list is endless. I tried all methods and finally at dinner time broke down. I had made a resolution that I will not shout at him and it ended up with me crying hopelessly. Is it wrong to tell a child that he shouldn't watch TV lying down? that he should finish his milk fast and not keep the bottle forever in his mouth? My husband feels he gets irritated because I am constantly telling him what not to do. Well I don't say 'don't do this' like those advt type teachers. I tell him in different ways. From day break to bed time I'm sucked and drained off all my energy. Is this normal? Where am I wrong? Is it not quite normal for a human being to have a breakdown when one handles such a situation the whole day? Please help this poor mother... sob sob... Latha
     
  4. cool100

    cool100 New IL'ite

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    Pls help me..........

    Hi everybody,

    its really long time I have posted but I'm constantly in touch with IL's discussions..Friends, even I have a problem with my son (4yrs). Let me explain him to you all but pls dont think that this is a very small problem and I am over reacting to this. Now let me tell you,

    He is 4yrs and studying LKG . At first I taught him all the alphabets and some rhymes at home so when he went to school he was the cleverest student in the class. In the quarterly exams also he was the topper of his class and even in the noticeboard his name was written as the fastest and intellectual child.

    He studies very fast when ever I try to teach him a short story (in his class books) he learns it too fast and repeats the same to me.

    Seeing this I taught him much more like writing numbers, rhymes from his class books and playing online games (ya he operates my laptop too, initially I just taught him the movements of cursor and some buttons and as usual he grasped them quickly and he plays and learns and does a lot on laptop).

    Suddenly he turned out to be very slow in his class. The teacher who used to praise him at first now complains that he's become very slow and does all mischeif things (like going to restroom without taking his teacher's permission, fighting with his friends or playing in the mud etc., )

    He used to get all stars in his notebooks and now comments from his teacher like very slow, pls take care etc.

    I tried to tell him in so many ways and that too in calm mood that no nanna thats not good pls listen to the teacher and write quickly in your class room and all but of no use. Seeing this I even started to beat him once or twice but the day went by my crying and feeling guilty. I really dont want to beat him but the situation was really worse. Sometimes I burst into tears telling him NO. But still he listens when he is in play mood but again the same story repeats. COmplaints from the teacher, from the auto driver who drops him to school . I am really unable to bear all theese things and I want my son to be how he used to be in the beginning days. I read some of our friends tips like giving stars I will do that right now and see the result.

    Friends, pls help me tackle my son I know a mother is the person who should know her kids the most but let me seek your help. My husband always tells me not to beat him nor shout at him but what I feel is he goes early in the morning and returns after my son sleeps so he might not be knowing the pain of tackling my little one.

    Last but not the least he is still fast at his education still comes first in the class but not studying in his class. His teacher told me that I taught him everything before she could teach him so he started boring learning again and again. Friends was really teaching him before hand is such an offense? Is this the fruit I am getting from my son for making him learn few things soon? Pls help me I am so desparate to see your replies

    Cool. (but couldn't in my son's case)
     
  5. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    H iLatha,
    I understand your frustration. Its always the women who suffer... Its like that. Men will only say things and only order around. The ultimate burden is on the women. Maybe thats why women are made like that, to tolerate pain, frustration and stress in a better way than men..
    Anyway, to answer your question, first of all dont think that you are wrong. You are his mother and you know the best. Sometimes things work, sometimes they dont. Dont ever loose hope. If you do, you will feel depressed and there will be no one to support you. This will drain you a lot.
    Toddlers always say 'no' once they have learnt it. You tell him in different ways, right. Keep changing your ways. Make dramatic stories, like if your son doesnot want to change diapers, tell him that there was a bad monkey that didint change diapers, and he got wounds all over his bum and he could sit at all!! Make funny faces. Then tell him that he is a good boy who will readily change his diapers because he is very good and the monkey is very bad. This might work!! I dont know.. but you need to keep trying, dont give up.
    Like i said earlier devot some time for yourself to do meditation. This will prevent you from your breakdowns.
    If you husband protests something that you do, then stop doing it and ask him how to do it. Thsi will make him also involve in disciplining the kid. If your kid frustrates your husband, then your husband will also easily learn how difficult it is to raise the kids.
    All the best!!
     
  6. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Teju, Thank you very much for the comforting words. Yes the key is we don't (or rather can't) give up. I try to take a deep breath and count 1-10 whenever there is a frustrating situation with my kid. I am practising this since the week-end and it seems to show some results. I have started saying that if he doesn't change his diapers then insects bite his bum and he is then in big trouble. same such story for bath... that he'll smell very good and all children will like to play with him:) Latha
     
  7. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    For bathing I remember my daughter used to cry a lot!!!
    I told her no we are not bathing, but let play with the water. I bought a tiny pool for her and let her splash water with both her hands and legs. While she kept splashing i used to quickly wash her. She didnt mind. From that day on everyday I would tell her come lets go splashing water. She was very eager to do that. After about a month, she started asking, come lets go for bath :) Boy, I was so relieved!!
     
  8. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Cool,
    If your boy already knows what is being taught, obviously he is being bored.
    Dont blame yourself, but keep thinking that this is a phase. When he reaches the age where he is being taught soemthing new, his interest will automatically increase, you will have to wait till then.
    Cheers
    Teju
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Pls help me..........

    hi Cool,

    I just peeped into the thread in curiosity and what i find, your pouring of your problem with your son...in a toddler section..maybe if it was in the school goers section i would have seen this..

    Anyway, in kg/ukg, the school teachers (most schools) request us not to teach anything at home. the reason being, the child's attention span is small and they would want to use it well.

    the moment you teach ahead of the class, your kid is going to be bored in class, which will definitely affect the performance.

    intially, the praise, and thrill of getting his name on the notice board everything was a high..(believe me even a four year old puffs up in pride)
    and the high wears off..and he is expressing his boredom.

    What i would really suggest is don't teach him anything, just let him follow the school. you can give him story books, coloring books, things that are useful in general development and general knowledge than academic oriented.

    And please, shouting and hitting is going to make you feel bad, hurt and guilty the whole day. relax and cool yourself..and then have a small talk with your son....(it is easier to say than done..believe me i have been there... my son has read a lot,reads a lot..we tell him that it is different..and he has to listen at school.. and get a grade at school...on top of all this he is hyperactive..he is in 4th now...)

    hope this helps....if you want to discuss more let us discuss in the school goers sub-forum so that mothers like me can give thier views...
     
  10. cool100

    cool100 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Teju,

    even I am waiting for this phase to pass and trying to keep him occupied. Planning him to join in a music school ....................

    Thank u once again
     

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