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Disciplining toddlers

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by teju, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    I have a 2.2 year old daughter. Like all toddlers she is very naughty, does not listen and practically does everything that she is not supposed to do.
    How do I go about disciplining her in these areas:
    1. Listen to parents - do what is right and not do what is wrong.
    2. She is a picky eater - have to struggle a lot to feed her. does not drink milk/water on her own, does not eat on her own. How do I make her eat on her own from a plate and drink milk on her own from the glass?
    3. She cries a lot if she does not get what she wants. How do I explain to her not to cry and ask what she wants. She does not listen until she gets what she wants.
    4. Play school- she hates it!! Starts crying every monring as soon as I change her dress. Its been one month, but she doesnt like it.
    When she is in a good mood I tell her that she should not cry and ask, she says ok, but when it comes to practice she forgets it!
    I also try to keep telling her that she should eat on her own, she listens, but when it comes to eating she doesnt.
    Someone please help me!!! There are lots who are going through this phase or who are through this phase in their life. Any advise is welcome. Thanks a lot..
     
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  2. malarvp

    malarvp New IL'ite

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    Hi Teju,

    Kids between the ages of 2 and 4 are adamant and they start becoming adamant when they turn 2 go past few months. It's all with us to control them and give them good habits. I'm in the US and can tell you few things that americans follow to discipline their kids. They don't beat at all, because it's illegal here to beat the kids.

    First of all, do no give what she wants if you think it's not to be given. Stick to that and say to her even if she cries you won't give her. Initially she might cry and make scene and you would be getting irritated and think better to give her what she wants. But on a first shot if you think and say No to her, stick to that. First few days she might keep crying and then she gets to know that mom/dad will not give if it's been said NO. Most important EVERYONE at home should stick to this. If you think you can give her what she wants, give it at the first shot. Don't let her cry for sometime and then give. This makes the kid to understand that whatever she wants she can get it by crying.

    Make a chart of Good Habits, Eating, Cleaning Up, etc....and give her a star when she does something good. Like if she eats by herself give a star in eating. if she behaves good then against good habit give her a star. tell u'r friends/relatives who visit u that your daughter behaved good and ate well and she got stars in front of your daughter. make her feel proud of what she did. Tell her if the star counts to 10 or whatever number she would get her favourite thing done, like toys, dresses, ice cream, etc. and make it when she gets the count you have specified(for eg 10).

    About playschool, talk to her when she's quiet and calm. ask her what she does in playschool and what she does in house. tell her at home there will be nothing except her same old toys and mom. but at play school she has got activities like coloring, playing, most important playing with friends. tell her theres nothing to be afraid of the school or miss. her miss is her friend, etc. meet with her teacher and check how she behaves in the class. show some of her neighbourhood friends who go to school/playschool and who enjoys it. but say it in a positive manner. don't say ava pora nee poradhukku enna, etc. say shes enjoying school, etc.

    for eating, whenever you have your food, make her sit with you and give her food in a plate. at first she might not eat properly, and food might be wasted, but don't bother. let her waste and learn. make it a competition between you and your daughter. if there are other kids in the family, make it a competition between them. also if you are making tiffen items, make it small and with some designs so that they like it. like for eg u can make small dosai, small idlies, some shapes in chapathi, etc. get her some design plates. nowadays in India u get plenty of them.

    all these I have read in articles by some doctors and I have practised them and my daughter seems to be following atleast 50%. especially the STAR thing works miracles with her. apart from these, kids of 2-4 are mischevious and we can only control them to certain extent.

    keep telling her whatever you want her to follow in all the good times.

    Cheers,
    Malar
     
  3. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Teju, My boy will soon be 3 and I'm in the same boat as you. Since I am a stay-at-home-mom and have to deal with him practically the whole day I do lose my calm and temper everyday. There are days I shout, scream and break down as well. My boy says 'no' to everything, screams and shouts if I'm on the phone or talking with my husband. Just like your daughter he says okay when I tell him later that he shouldn't scream etc., But I think this is the age they develop their emotional skills as well. I know it's very trying but as Malar says we can't be tough with them 100%. These days I ignore him if he's screaming and tell him in low voice that he'll not get a reply from me if he's shouting. If he's refusing to get dressed or eat his food I don't force him.. i remind him that amma has other things to do and I'll not put on his dress if he doesn't listen to me. It has worked. Believe me it's taken over couple of months to get results out of this tactic but I find that if I don't scream at him, he does take me seriously. I even stupidly argue with my husband that my boy doesn't respect me and only listens to his father;) It's not so actually. As for playschool luckily he likes going there. You assure your girl that she has friends to play, she can learn new things and you'll pick her up after buying milk etc., That's what I tell my boy. Now he really likes going there... some days he's a bit reluctant and I don't force him. I call the play school and excuse. I don't think kids of this age understand 'promising something' (like saying I'll not cry to get dressed etc.,). They just want to see how far they can take liberty with their parents, esp mother. As malar says if it's a no for something it's a strict no. I've got my son crying non-stop out of the supermarket coz i refused to get him a candy. But after couple of times he knows he can scream his lungs out but he'll not get just because he's embarassing me outside. Do try different tactics... i do agree it's a tough job. But frankly do you remember how naughty or adamant you were as a kid? I don't. This is just a phase... oh yes and more thing. I've stopped telling my boy about what annoys me the most more than once. I tell him more positive things that he does and he's really happy... Good luck! Latha
     
  4. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Malar and Traveller,
    Thanks a lot for your suggestions.
    I dont beat my kid or shout at her. I raise my voice at times.
    Sticking on to the NO part will be difficult, I will start doing that soon.
    About the stars, I havent tried that, I will start that too. Thanks a lot.
    I know it will take a long time to see some results. I will be patient and try as much as I can. And I will let you know the progress!
    Thanks once again.
     
  5. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    All the best, Teju! I must admit that I do beat my boy at times. Even today it happened. He comes into the kitchen and tries to do something dangerous and that really pushes me to the edge. Since I'm also pregnant now i lose my mind and patience:) Then I feel very guilty. His doctor once told me that at this age they only partly understand their limits and sometimes there's no way out other than beating. I'm sure every single parent hates to raise their hands at such a small kid. As I write this I feel so low and guilty that I beat such a small creature.. but sometimes I just don't know how else to stop his screaming or let me do basic work. I assume there are good and bad days for everyone and one has to just remember to learn lessons from each passing incident. I also worry at times that my son will grow up hating me or being a rough kid if i beat him.... friends what do you feel? Latha
     
  6. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    hi Latha,
    Try your best not to beat him at all. Beating will never resolve your problem. If you beat him, he will learn from you and he will start beating you soon. Then it will end up only being a fight between you and him and in the end you will give up. Instead try to calm yourself. Count numbers 1-10, then tell him in a low voice that he should not do dangerous things. Let him cry but dont beat.
    Try this, even if he does not listen, atleast you will stop feeling guilty.

    I wanted to ask about making my kid eat rice on her own. For snacks, I can make shapes etc, but for sambar, rasam or dal rice, how do I make her eat on her own, instead of running behind her twice a day? Similarly for milk, how do I make her take the glass and drink on her own? She runs aways from the sight of milk, i have to distract her and feed her. I have tried various stuff to add with milk like Horlicks Complan, Bournvita and in different flavours too. But she doesnt like to have on her own. Any suggestions? Thanks
     
  7. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    yes teju, i'm trying hard. he does beat me back:( there are days when nothing else works... he really pushes me to the edge. i tell him at bed time that he should listen to me and his dad when we tell him not to touch something because it can hurt him. what i do these days is when he wantedly does something to catch my attention (which is not funny like grabbing the knife when i'm chopping veges) i just leave the place and sit down elsewhere. he tries to talk me out then i tell him firmly that amma has few things to do and he shouldn't disturb. i think somedays he's also in a bad mood and so we end up fighting:(( today i told him calmly several times and he kept on saying 'no' and repeated so i got fed up... so for rice. yes now when i think back it was so easy when they are babies:) my son now likes to mix rice and sambar/rasam/curd by himself and will not let me or my husband feed him. so it's basically only whatever he eats. few months back i will mix in a bowl and give him with a spoon and he used to finish it fast. but since a month or so this trend has started. my mom says better let him be and fill up his snack time with fruits, cheese etc., because it's a sign that he wants to be independent and feed by himself. for milk, he still drinks from bottle and he loves milk in any form... horlicks, with honey or just milk. so the cup project is still incomplete at our home:) have you tried a cup with spout or as my friend does try a straw:) sorry i can't help much on this topic! latha
     
  8. malarvp

    malarvp New IL'ite

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    Hi teju,

    to make you kid eat his own food(rice, sambar, rasam, etc) try with colorful plates that has her favourite characters in it. You can get plates with Dora/princess etc in it. so try with that. also instead of just trying while giving food, tell her what strength vegetables/rice/sambar etc give her. show her some veggie books and teach her and say dora says this, spiderman says that, they can do things only bcoz they eat everything by their own, etc. I knw it's easy to be said. my daughter is 3yrs old and doesn't eat all by herself. I'm also trying my best.

    regarding milk, may be your daughter doesn't like milk. again try with different sippers with her favourite colors and characters. show her something related to milk and teach her abt that too. is she doesn't like milk then I'm not sure how far she'll listen to what you say. bcoz my co-sister's son doesn't take milk at all. when he was a toddler she used to feed him when hes sleeping with feeding bottle even until 3/4. And now hes 6 and he doesn't take it. basically he don't like. I'm not disappointing, but try with various options.

    hope she takes her milk on her own soon...all the best

    Cheers,
    Malar
     
  9. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Malar,
    Thanks a lot! Fantastic ideas. I really appreciate it. The very sound of these suggestions make me feel optimistic. Will try soon and let you know.

    For milk I bought a sipper with her favorite color and she sipped half!! Thats good for the first day. So I dont think she dislikes milk (fingers crossed!!) Maybe I am too optimistic!! Let me see how it goes. As she gets used to the sipper she might have the whole lot.

    Thanks a lot. If you have any more suggestions please message me.
    Thanks
    Teju
     
  10. teju

    teju Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Latha,
    I have a suggestion for you. What you can do is keep about 10 to 20 things in a line. Some should be your kitchen things like knife, cutter. some your personal things like lipstick, earrings. Some of your husbands things like ties, socks, wallet And remaining of you sons things like, books, toys, lunch box, water bottle. etc. Show him these things one by one and tell him, this belongs to Amma, this belongs to Appa. And his things tell him belongs to him. Then tell him he should not take Amma's or Appa's things. Similarly Amma Appa will not take each others things or your sons things. You can repeat this process once in two days with different things. I am sure he will learnt from this. I am planning to teach my girl this way.
    About dangerous things, let him touch and see them once, tell him in a scary voice that these are very dangerous things, they will harm you Oh God! be careful, exaggerate as much as you can. He himself will start saying No to the knife one day!
    Every kid is different. We should not stop trying as much as we can.
    Cheers, Teju
     

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