Disappointed after gender check u/s - how to deal with it ?

Its a long post so please be patient with me.

I went for an ultra sound and found out that we were having a baby girl. Neither my husband nor I was hoping for a particular gender but I was foolishly guessing since day one (without any scientific or medical backing) that I will be having a boy. So though we talked and discussed about having either one, unintentionally we always imagined and prepared ourselves to be parents to a baby boy. Even before we went to the u/s, I asked my husband what he wanted and he said that he does not have any preference. But when she told us the results I was very surprised.

My reasons for wanting a baby boy are not cos he will take care of us in old age or someone to carry the family name forward. Its not even that I did not want a baby girl, I just foolishly assumed it would be a boy and was subconsciously planning my life around it.

I have such a feeling of loss and guilt since that day of the u/s. I cried for a good while for a few days. I dont know if it is because I was disappointed or if I am angry at myself for feeling the way I do. Here I am - a modern 21st century educated and confident woman. I am feeling so selfish, guilty, mad and angry at myself for thinking and reacting this way.

Though I am not very young, I conceived immediately after we started trying without any problem. So far my pregnancy reports have all been excellent. I should be so grateful for all these things. Instead, I am just sad and depressed. And that makes me more angry and mad at myself for feeling this way towards our baby girl. But the fact is I am just trying to make it through each day without tears.

I asked my husband if he was okay with the result and he said he would haev been fine with anything. But after I went on and on about how shocked I was with the result, he told me that I had built up this whole thing about us having a boy that he had started planning things with that in mind but all that doesnt matter now cos all he has to do is start planning for a girl. But hearing that just made me more upset.

I have been researching this topic and reading about it and the more I do that, the more I feel I am doing wrong to our baby. I know my husband and I would love our girl with all our heats but is it okay for me to feel this way now? It is so difficult to share it with family without them being judgemental about it.

As much as I would like to hear from anyone here, I would really appreciate responses from members who have either gone through this personally or through someone else. I would also like to hear from people who had similar experience with the gender check results but dealt with it and how?

Thanks for reading.

 

@ Ranchu

Thank you so much for the wonderful greeting. That was really sweet of you. It really bought a smile to my face.

@ Coffeelover

My inlaws don't live with us. They are not really dependent on us financially or otherwise. My husband does not let them interfere in our lives and believe me they would love to if he let them. My MIL always used to say - I know you will have a baby boy and I am never wrong. She is this 'I I I I me me me me' kind of a person. But when we told them about the gender they were ok with it. They did not say anything negative. When other family members heard about it, some of them started giving me lectures about how baby girls are any day better than boys as if they were trying to convince themselves. Anyways those things dont bother me.

My husband has been nothing but supportive. I have been such a B**** in this pregnancy and so far he has put up with what with a smile and encouraging words. These 4 months have made me love, respect and appreciate him more than all these years of our marriage. I would have gone completely insane without him. I hope it continues after our baby.

@ All

I know I should just pray and hope for a healthy baby. Thats all matters especially these days where people either struggle to have kids or have healthy kids. But only words cannot change feelings. Saying these positive things to myself is still not making me feel any different.

I hope I am not going into any depression.