DILs and MILs Dynamics - Lets Discuss

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Oh man, I am exhausted.. thats it from me Computer TypingComputer Typing.. too much thinking....

End of the day, if we go to bed happily, thats all matters !!

Let me go and have a drink.. I am tired with all this typing

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Ria, to balance it out, you should also open "Why don't MIL's understand a DIL?" thread too.. Thats when it fairs it out, because as I said in the first post.. both are found guilty most of the time.. its more like a tug of war in any ones life I guess. I understand from others post here, that it is not fair just to discuss pointing at the DIL's...

As I have elaborately posted here on behalf of MIL, I would like to take turn and post on behalf of DIL too.

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

:mrgreen: :mrgreen:

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Hello Ria,

Before making comments I think you should have thought many times, may be you are lucky and have never been in a situation where you had to go through unnecessary criticism, insult or emotional torture.
Don't imagine that a woman always enters marriage with a feeling that she wants to keep away from her in-laws, patience is a women's greatest treasure she enters marriage with a friendly attitude, adjusting is a gift given to woman by god don't you think she adjust's with her hubby's nature similarly she tries to adjust with her in-law's but if the other person is not reciprocating in the same manner what do you expect her to do?

I really don't understand your comment when there is arguement against MIl you do support and when there is about DIL you support. It is really confusing.

-Vidya

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Happywoman,

Agree with your thoughts completely.

You statistics of 20% is actually pretty generous. Not even in 5% of the families the woman's parents live with the couple or are sent equal amount of money as is sent to the boy's parents. Someone who does not see this starkly openly projected out in the society is blind.

People who believe that women are some sort of superhuman beings for whom nothing is impossible needs to stop watching too many movies and needs to come back to the real world, where women are people.

Of course the expections that in laws place on DILs are enormous. If someone has had pretty low expectations from their in laws, it shows how little the in laws think of them. Its absurd to say the route to happiness is lowering your expectations. Why dont we just say route to healthy life is to lower our expectations for health and say, "I am healthy just as long as I dont have AIDS". Expectations must always be held at a reasonable level. Should never be too high ot too low.

If a MIL must be given a break because she took care of a boy for 25 years, why not the same towards the girl's mother? Why not ler her abuse the son in law? Oh but of course this can never be allowed. I find it so absurd and amazing that certain women are incapable of thinking about equality. I bet they will always feel inferior to men around them.

I guess this world will always have women who do not believe in equality, justice, principles and the truth. Either they are ignorant, or this is their defense mechanism so that they can continue living in an unjust world.
These women remind me of the women who have come out from recent raids on an FLDS church in Texas. They are completely brainwashed to believe that they must tolerate all the injustices done to them and that the path to happiness and salvation is to silently bear the burdens of injustice and to "stay sweet".

God save the DILs of these women in the future.

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Hi Ria and Nandu, Thanks for your time reading my long post. I agree with Ria's comment that I am somehow looking for validation of my actions from someone else. I too know that. It is just the still innocent part of me which longs to be a part of my husband's childhood, growing up and everything else in the form of his family. I just should be more matured and stop expecting (and whining within) - I guess!

And coming to Nandu...whoa..you blew my fuse..I was bursting with anger midway reading your post..how dare you analyze me and have another point of view? But now that I am finished reading it - I am laughing.
I appreciate you really putting your mind on the incidents of my life and giving your point of view. As I said, my in-laws are not uneducated, immature and not even unloving. They love their only son/brother and miss him too. So, they are doing everything rightful in their own sense.

I don’t think any sensible person would want to harm and hurt anyone knowingly, unless they really want to. It is just unfortunate that the ways and the words, they used to convey the message, are not received by me in a proper way. (May be I am a hasty back-biting DIL!! Am I?)

I can think that their feelings sometimes are genuine.

Nandu – I know you don’t know all the details, so trust someone’s story when they are trying to tell it. It may be correct or not, but that is what they felt at the end of the incident. I cannot give you all the cheap details, going away from what I want to say finally.

Also, just for your information, me and my mom did not have periods when we went on the trip. I may not care (though I never go to temples when I have periods), but my mom is traditional. She follows all that. I don’t know how you assumed that we both went with periods!! I wrote ‘me and my mom’ in brackets because my FIL was referring to both of us! Which FIL or samdhi talks about periods of DIL or samdhan? Man..my BP raises away!!

And regarding wedding invitation, they never showed us any invitation! But I have no regrets. I am just proud of my writing abilities and poetry. I hope they live forever beautifully like I described in the invitation.

Mil’s comments – I just calmed myself saying exactly the same thing! She doesn’t hate my daughter. They are just naïve- - guess. How does that sound? – Like a very buddhimaan and mature DIL? Cool – I am glad.

Mind you, I am not a hasty one. I know that at least - because I did not treat them wrong nor I complained this to anyone in last six years (except for writing here, which I regret in someway, because it feels like I am being looked down and judged when I tell my story)

BTW, Congrats on your very best career. I don’t want to start a career comparison game here. I mentioned that to Ria to give her an idea of the person who is commenting on her post. I really think it is silly if I list every thing I do as an answer to you.

Well anyway, it’s my life and irrespective of what everyone else thinks – it is ME who will be living it. So no giving – no taking. Cheers!

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?

Big LaughBig LaughBig LaughBig Laugh Hope your fuse is back and you are all chubby and bubbly.. Thats what I want, OK...

Please don't think like that.. As I said earlier, its just to think in a different set of eyes.. not necessarily mine or yours if you know what I mean.. Also its stupidity on me or anyone for that matter to judge from your single post of this. Living lifelong, there are more to get to know that person and just virtually with certain chats, how can one judge the other. So please don't say that !!!

Big LaughBig LaughBig LaughI agree.. I just wanted to quote that I am not being a teen from around the block.. but a person who has seen quite something in her life.. thats all.. I always look at it like this.. Everyone is best in their own way.. one can never be perfect in all sense.. !! I am proud of me and as well as my fellow women wherever they are!!

There you go sweetie !!! Completely agree to that... That's what should drive us in our life !!! God has blessed us with this one and only life.. Let's enjoy and lead it to our hearts content.. Because end of the day only that matters. ain't it?

 

Re: Have DILs become In-law backbiting club?


Thanks Sheetha. I cannot say I have been with real pain from my in laws, since they didn't torture me But I agree, people should be able to tell their stories here, without judging them. I think most of the people still go by those old Indian standards here.

Be quite, be private, don't reveal too much about your feelings and you would be respected and treated well and even your posts are read with well intentions. The moment you complain about petty things other than physical abuse - you are being immature!

Thanks for your comments.