Dilemma

LC, unless you have strong reasons, I would advise you not to make a change. It is not about India or US but these days relocating and looking for jobs is not as easy as it was few years back. Moreover prices in India are skyrocketing these days and everywhere conversations are about where groceries are reasonably priced. So unless you have a good paying job offer on hand, you should not even bring the thought of relocation. Saving in India these days is quite difficult for single income families.

 

deepest condolences. Hope you and your children get the strength to be strong during this time of loss.
regarding the move, please dont be hasty. Think it through. If you are the independant kind who believes you know best for your kids & feels that you are able to manage the life of managing 2 kids without a network of well meaning family , but you do have some friends to help out during the odd instances, then my honest suggestion is stay put for a while. Dont bring a drastic change again in your lives. Heal first & then if needed uproot your self back to India.
Dont move to India just because you have family there. Think of their existing dynamics & how your move would chaneg that and what practical advantages would be there to substantiate the move. Your siblings would have their own lives and yes they would support you, but its your life in the end and you are responsible for your & your 2 kids well being.
juggling work & kids singly would be tough here, but atleast like some others mentioned, you workplace your neighbours, friends all know your situation to act accordingly. But if you think this place is not going to be beneficial, then of course change is mroe welcome.

In India, how much ever we say a young mother with 2 small children will still be scrutinised and commented upon even by the well meaning friends & families. So do be aware of that wholly! consider if thats worth the parental support and to what extent you might have the parental support. I do not believe in depending on the parents at this age & this situation. That will not help long term.
what about your ILs? when parental support is mentioned, obviously the other set of grandparents also coem into picture right?

But again my view is based on what i know and feel around me. if your lifestyle is different, your family setup is differnt, obviously the equation changes.

But first and foremost, before deciding on relocation, give yourself & your kids time to heal & then apply a practial head to these thoughts and resolve them.

Hugs & take care..

 

Hi

i pray god tht he should give u enough strength to come out of this situation
u havent provided any other details of urs..
are u financially capable enough to manage things??
wht ever is the situation be brave and face things
certainly u wil find a better way

 

Oh my dear!!
I am really sorry to hear about your loss. My deepest sympathy goes to you and your family. I happened to check the post after accepting your friend request. My god I don't know what to say that will make your pain less. I myself am a widow ( 9 years now) so I can relate. I also have 2 kids, though they are grown now.
This is a very life changing thing to go through. The whole world seems to have turned upside down. Life has moments good and bad. Keep a positive attitude, things get better. Cherish the memories that your loved one has left with you and your kids.
Please do stay in contact. I will try and help you out as much as I can.

Hugs and love,
Oopall

 

lifeChallenge,
Hope you are doing ok. Pls. stay strong, and talk to us here if you feel like you need to interact and share feelings.

 

Hello dear LC

Glad to hear back from you

I just wanted to ask you, would you be interested to go to a therapist atleast for couple of sessions? helps alot because I see that you have 2 young kids and it would be overwhelming to deal with all this all by yourself..inspite of having your parents around.

Might the greiving process would be easier when you talk to a therapist...just a suggestion.

I wish you and your family the very best. stay strong

 

I am very very sorry to hear about your loss. May god grant you strength and give peace to the dearly departed soul. Only time can heal your pain, I speak from personal experience. So please do not make any decisions in haste.

My dad died when I was 19 and my brother was 16. We were living in a foreign country (dad had his own business, mom was a housewife). No family there, just really good friends. I had just completed 1 year of college on a full scholarship and my brother was in 11th grade. My mom knew that if we went back to India for moral support, my uncles (though well-meaning) would marry me off to the 1st available guy to relieve her of this "burden". and my brother's studies would get affected which may have ruined his future.

so she chose to stay all by herself in this foreign country until her kids were done with studies. her sacrifices paid off because both my brother and I completed our studies and have good careers.

I know your kids are much younger but I still feel they are better off here, in an environment they are familiar with. The change in family dynamics, coupled with a change in living environment will be rough on them. and you cannot gurarantee that in india, relatives though well meaning, may say or do things to hurt their feelings.

take some time to think through even though I know it will be difficult right now. it is good that your parents are here to give you moral support.

 

Hi Dear,
Glad to hear from you. How are you and your children doing? To be honest you are going to have days that will seem long and lonely. Some days are going to be quiet the opposite. You are going through the emotions and its is perfectly alright to let things out. We all have our own ways to grieve. The loss of a loved one is a great one. Please have comfort in knowing that you are surrounded by family that support you and love you very much, you have friends here on IL that support you and help you.
It is really good that your parents are there with you to help out. Please try to keep a positive outlook. I know this is hard at times. I know for me after my husband passed on, there have been other loses that followed. Just recently I lost my brother. Each passing has been very difficult, each time the grieving process was different. I got to a point where I could not bring myself to cry. I had become numb to everything. People would look at me and make comments but for me it was like I didn't love the people I lost any less because I had become numb to the emotions.
I take it from your post that you have gone through this very recently. Do you wish to talk more about your husband? More about what happened? As SriVidya ji mentioned, are you up to counselling? There are also support groups that have people in similar situation.
As for you deciding to relocate, give it some time and see if things will work out here for you and your children. If not, you know you have an option.
Please stay in contact. If you have questions, need help, let me know.
May gods blessings be with you and peace in your life.
Hugs and love,
Oopall.