Dilemma...not To Ask Or To!!

Ria84 · Jan 22, 2025

My father was admitted to the hospital 2 months ago. I paid for the hospital charges (My husband had given me money to pay) as father has no insurance but the company that he worked reimburses it after a month or 2. My question is, should I ask my father if he has received the reimbursement. Husband says don't ask and it is fine if my parents dont give it. But I feel awkward and terrible as it is not my money but my husband's. It would have been fine to just pay the hospital charges but knowing that the amount will be reimbursed and us not getting it back makes me feel bad.
Should I enquire if they have received the reimbursement or should I keep quiet.

MalStrom · Jan 22, 2025

If your husband is okay with it and you can comfortably afford it then wait and see if your parents bring this up. If this will get used against you later then definitely ask. How is your parents’ financial situation?

mangaii · Jan 22, 2025

If he got re-reimbursed, I don't see anything wrong in asking. If your parents are someone who are not careful with money, you should get back and keep it aside for their emergency.

chanchitra · Jan 23, 2025

Don't ask. If they give on their own, then accept it.
Also
After marriage, it's Our money.
Not husband's or wife money irrespective of who earned it.

SGBV · Jan 23, 2025

You (you and your husband) supported your parents when they are in desperate need. It is a support just like many parents do to their children.
If you are in financial crisis and in need of that money back, ask for it. Give them time to process and do the necessary paper work to get their company insurance claim. When they are ready, they will likely to call you to repay. If not, gently remind them when you are sure of the claim.

If you are not in any financial crisis, don't ask. Consider this as a favour from your side for all the favours your parents have done to you till date. If they return the money, refuse to take it. If they compel you, then decide what to do at that time.

It is all depend on your relationship with your parents. Just because they are parents doesn't mean they are good and supportive. There are evil parents too, just like evil children. You know where do you stay in the spectrum and decide how much you can help.

Btw, your husband's money is also your money. If he is ok with it, you don't have to worry or feel guilty about using his/your savings

nayidulhan · Jan 23, 2025

@Ria84 , please don't ask back for the money. Few reasons for my saying this are-
1) It was done for your parents and parents hold a unique position in our lives.
2) Your husband and you would have done it even if your parents were not entitled to the reimbursement.
3) Parents may not have been reimbursed the amount yet.
4) Parents may have received the funds and decided to keep the funds for themselves to-
a) use that for immediate upfront payment in case of any future emergencies so as not to burden you or
b) to hand it over to you in cash or kind at the right time... whenever that is.

Just know well that whenever there is any lending/ borrowing done, there are high chances of misunderstandings and bitterness in relations. I suggest you sit down and calmly play the following situations in your mind-
1) Your husband brings this up anytime in the future in any argument or even plain conversation with you.
2) Parents tell you that they want to return your money.
3) Parents pretend to have forgotten all about it and do not make any references to this. or they behave as if you were never a part of the situation and as if they had paid all the amount themselves.

Be prepared with what you will say and how you will say it in all the above situations.

Rihana · Jan 23, 2025

This is a tricky situation. Find out about the reimbursements without directly asking for the money back. You need to know if they received the reimbursement and what portion of the cost was reimbursed.

If you don’t get this information before the topic becomes old, it could lead to expectations and disappointments in future medical situations.

Your husband’s money is also your money. Don’t frame conversations between you both or with anyone as if he’s done you a favor. Both of you helped your parents, which was the right thing to do. And you both deserve to know if the amount was reimbursed.

Change your dilemma from "Should I ask for the money or not?" to "How do I inquire about the reimbursement without directly asking for the money back?"

I would suggest not asking for the money back this time. Instead, use this as a lesson to establish a clearer process for managing financial help in the future. If they themselves offer to return the money after telling you the reimbursement has come through, take it. If they say the reimbursement has come through but don't say anything about returning your money, leave it.

nayidulhan · Jan 24, 2025

@Rihana, you have explained it all so well. I admire your clarity of thought. I wish I had half of it!

paru123 · Jan 25, 2025

I would suggest that you enquire with your parents about the reimbursement. Whether they have initiated the reimbursement process or not. If they have not, you could help them or ask them to initiate it. If they have initiated it and the reimbursement is not yet credited to parents account till now, then it's ok. Don't ask again. You will understand yours parents intention of returning it to you or not. Based on their behaviour, you will know whether to spend next time such a medical situation happens. If it's a negligible amount, then ignore. If they don't have any other income source, then too ignore it. The ball is in your parents court. If you need the amount badly, then ask.