Difficulty Faced In Getting Married

I have seen marriages and 'non marriages' of my family members and here are my observations.

1. In 20s, biology and finances are mostly in your favor. Both girls and boys like to live a non-committed life.

2. It is HARD to raise kids as single parent, almost impossibly HARD. Also, most of kids who were raised by single parents have one issue or the other.

3. It is EXTREMELY HARD to pursue a career AND raise kids as a single parent.

4. 'Communes' never work out. Unless committed and bound by a social restriction, people will not care about other person. Now committed and socially enforced relationship is well ... marriage. Most of other arrangements have no legal standing nor social one.

5. Corollary to 1 is that life of 20s has an abrupt end. Somewhere in 31-32. It is so abrupt that I have seen on of my cousins getting under sever depression, almost suicidal. Reason? All their friends are busy in their family life and they are alone. It was maddening for them.

I believe if marriages go out of fashion somehow, after 10 years society will reinvent marriages with almost identical setting. You cann't make others commit to someone without making that 'someone' commit. Simple point,

a. what extent will the other party go to find the best doctor for you if you fall sick if there is no 'marriage-like' commitment?

b. How will they prioritize you over other things in their life without 'marriage-like' commitment? Why should someone care for someone else if they are going to live apart after 6 months?

c. Why will they bother to go over and above the expectation for a kid unless that kid is not their own from their 'marriage-like' commitment?

I personally wanted to get married at 22 but had to go through the living hell of being rejected by more than 500 girls for no real reason. Finally I am able to do so after 3 years of hard search just 4 days back actually . I was curious so I went and looked into this matter. I found that for a number of cases what was causing the rejection was two things :-

1. Feeling of being forced into marriage. Again go to point 1.
2. Sheer comparison. This is the bane of social media. Mostly a guy or a girl is compared against thousands of 'social media' 'friends'. Including friends who they have not even met once. I know someone who compared a proposal against a european guy in UK and said that 'S/he is not fair enough'. I know my cousin who rejected a proposal because the match earned 50 thousand less than what they did -- they both were earning north of 15 lakhs.

In the end I will say marriage has become very difficult these days. But it is worth every pain. The other alternative is not ready or will never be ready and much riskier.

 

Congratulations on the wedding ! Just curious , what's a newly married guy doing on Indus ladies ? I hope you gain some valuable information here that will enable you to be a good husband, treat the wife with respect and share responsibilities at home or otherwise . Wishing you and Lady Croc a happy married life !
P.S it's hard to raise kids as a single parent, but not impossible . Kids raised by single parents need not have issues, the few I know have turned out to be productive members of society .

 

It's more than half way through 2017 and you are still peddling the same stuff . C' mon op.....something new ????

Communes, cults, women only joint families,different kind of joint families...the same old stuff. Any thing but the most widely followed 'marriage between man and woman'.

As for difficulties in getting married....it is the same as always. People are just marrying later .
There were always a small number of people who never got married for whatever reasons. This happened in the past and will happen in the future too.

 

I wrote about it already in the "what brought you here" thread. I will copy from there..

It is not impossible but I think it is like learning to dance with one prosthetic leg after losing one leg due to some unfortunate incidence. Sure, with courage and motivation it can be achieved but not many people will be able to do it and no one will like to be born with one leg so they can dance on a prosthetic. Sure some courageous lady/gents will be able to raise a child alone -- may be they didn't have the choice -- but no one will like to do that alone to begin with.

 

The issue is, for many folks, getting married --at least via the traditional arranged marriage-- is a very low priority side business. They think that "I will just give the Ad and someone will respond and my parents will figure out something". Well, it used to work around 20-30 years back but not anymore.

You have to take it up as a full time priority to get a match with whom you will be able to live 60-70 years of your coming life. I know if from the first hand how I managed to meet people living in the very interiors of our country whom I would have not met otherwise. It takes time and effort and a lot of patience and ability to hear 'NO' for months/years and 100s of matches before someone compatible shows up and you both agree to stick together.

 

She is more of a kitty cat and less of lady croc.

 

Wait for a couple more years , she will turn into a tigress and you a kitty cat . P.S. when the wife is tearing up in the kitchen wondering if she is a dissapointment, offer to help her and also compliment her on her cooking skills. ( assuming Mamma Croc is not living with you).