differences between bil and my dh..

manisha036 · Sep 11, 2014

Hi friends
Here i need some advice regarding my bil and my dhs relationship.
Before wedding: my bil used to advice(or misguide to be more appropriate)my dh about the dowry,customs and all other situations where important decisions had to be taken by elders. He created many differences between my family and my dh. Bil was just 21 at that time.my dh blindly supported him in everything as dh considers his bro as his biggest well wisher and strongest support.
My bil dint stopped after my wedding. Problem was with my dh too. Dh had a habit of telling everything to him.. personal and professional both. Bil took advantage of this and hhe put many false allegations on me.
Its been an year, i havent called my ils even once but yes... if they initiate i talk respectfully. My ils with my dh made my and my family's life hell and i can not forgive them.
My dh is not happy with my neutral kinda behaviour but he too stopped pushing me too much.
Some 15 days back, we had an argument about not talking with ils. he asked me to tell him everything why i am not interested in his family. i could not cite all instances but yes 2 3 i did. Next day he called his brother and they argued a lot(my dh told me this). my bil dint accepted anything instead he accused me of everything and finallly he told my dh that he wont talk with him again and he ll never get to see his bros face again ... reason being... instead of trusting his brother he is trusting his wife.
My concern is that since last 15 days, both are not calling each other, i am not sure whether its permanent or transient. I have issue s with my bil, and thats why i dont initiate any talks but at the same time, i never want to come in between brothers. If my dhs and bils actions are not bothering me, i am ok with it.
I am feeling guilt now... It could be because of a busy schedule of my dh or it could because of my bils arrogance or it could be his trick.
The first(and the last) time when my dh supported me in front of mil, my mil started a depression drama and continued this for 10-12 days or till the time my dh apologised. i am not able to figure out what it is?
I dont know where the things are going and what should i do. Please help.

dasikajl · Sep 12, 2014

hi
dont worry it is good that your DH came to know about his family
i feel that u r not at fault by any means

after reading your post i feel u are very good at heart

all the best
let things happen as they are happening

yellowmango · Sep 12, 2014

Don't do anything.Let them sort it out themselves.

deepideepi · Sep 12, 2014

Don't be guilty. U are nowhere wrong as per ur post. That's nice us hubby supported u in front of his family.

Weasly · Sep 12, 2014

Listen u r as imp as the bil n mil! Dnt ever feel guilty abt getting support frm ur husband! Let them sort it out themselves! Ur husband asked u y u were not interested in toking to ur inlaws! U dint go asking him not to tok to his bil! N ur bil is really stupid, askin ur dh to choose between brother n wife! Attention seeking brat he is, cnt get over the fact tht brother is married !!

sbonigala · Sep 12, 2014

Dont do anything!Now that your DH knows everything , let him do what he wants to do.

pear · Sep 12, 2014

Dear op,

You had let your H understand the issue in a dignified manner.This is just a starting point keep your cool.Let them sort it out within themselves.Its not wise to interfere in brothers clash.

When the elders in the house behave bossily with the brides side ,these youngsters too start acting superior.

Your BIL seems to be closer to your H ,so he may also have done things to maintain his importance with H.This is a problem with the younger unmarried sibling who mostly poke thier nose into things they are not supposed to.Most of the time they dont realise the damage they cause.(one of my BIL felt bad for his demanding bossy behaviour when i was with a one month baby after 10 long years when he had his son)

Its time your H draws the line for his brother and other family members to alter thier bossy nature.So keep your cool and maintain your distance.Let him do the correction as its his duty to give you a proper respectable position in his family.

BEST WISHES

memeera1234 · Sep 12, 2014

Don't feel guilty of creating a rift between two brothers. Give them some time. As they say " Time heals everything". If they are so close, I am sure they wont be able to stay apart without interaction for long. You remain calm and leave rest to time.

Rimjhim1486 · Sep 12, 2014

No problem Manish,

Its good for you at least that stress of being interfering by others has been stopped now. so you & your husband can take your own decisions, After some time every thing will be normal. Dnt worry.