did you DH ever say sorry for his misbehavior?

My DH never never apologises for his ugh behavior,he has been raised to think that he can do no wrong. He is Gods gift to me or so he thinks.

I do not want any verbal and physical abuse even if its accompanied by apology, roses, diamonds, whatever!!!! This is my no tolerance zone.

Its a sad state for you right now as you are pregnant and its not advisable to raise your BP for a fight. Try to remain calm for the sake of your baby, later you can tackle the issue when you go home with your kid.He may change when he feels responsible for the well-being of his child.
Take care!

 

Dear Anjali,

Don't lose hope. Some incidences may have occured in the past which would have left a bad impression on your husband about ladies. It could be even the experiences shared by his friends / relatives or aquaintances in the past.

My husband or me whoever makes mistake never hesitate to apologize. Relatives unless they are trustworthy, should not be involved into personal matters becuse chances are there that they may widen the gap between a husband and wife.

Words and languages are developed for communication and understanding. So think that whatever word he says has no meaning. Just ignore those words. Your happiness and peace of mind is in your hands.

Don't repent. Now you have to take care of your baby. So keep your mind calm and relaxed. Do things which will keep your mind calm. Your feelings will leave an impact on your baby in the womb. So, to bear a healthy baby, listen to nice lullabies or gazals which will relax your mind. Avoid an argument as it will only make the situation worse. Let him shout or abuse, if you stay calm it doesn't mean that you are submitting to him. You will be doing that only for your baby.

Try to handle the situation as diplomatically as possible. Separation or frustration is not the only solution to any problem.

Don't loose hope.

Wish you all the very best.

Regards,

Mira.

 

Dear Anjali

Though my Dh doesnt use abusive or nasty words but he will hurt me to the core, there are days when I would be stunned by his words that I wont have words to reply him back instead I will be so upset that I would'nt have eaten for the whole day but this man wont even bother to ask if I ate nor feel sorry for his behaviour.

After everything gets normal and when he is in good mood then I have explained to him about how I felt by his words but the only reply I would get is " You provoked me" sooo in any case I am at fault.

 

yeah, education has nothing to do with values and control and decency these days. men seem to be unfazed by the values education is supposed to induce in them. i encountered one such situation in my life too... and it changed me for the better.

if he hasn't, you haven't punished him/made him feel your wrath yet, i hold you responsible. go ahead, women are known for it, give him the cold stare and the whole full-package treatment that'd make him shiver next time he doesn't apologize when he needs to

 

My Dh will never apologise for what he has said or done because he dosen't think he has done anything wrong. Male Ego nothing else.

The other day he said i'm not family because i'm not blood.so i am actually nothing to him only someone to look after his kids till they are independent.

He then wanted to get into bed , my only reply was "go to your family"

I've been giving him the cold treatment eversince, i'm just doing the normal housework, and not talking to him, he is around me like a dog on heat, do i care, NOPE since then he has apologised but not for what he has done or said just so that things can get back to normal.

Women should be strong i never was, its only now that i'm getting that way, still a long way to go.

 

Dear Anjali,

Very much pained to know your plight. If you keep tolerating his bad mouth, he will take you for granted and never stop. You must try talking to him. But I know these type of men, they purposefully use the bad language to hurt the wife and are satisfied when they see the pain in her.

Do not think what others may think about it. If he does not stop, take up the matter with the elders. They will know what language he uses. And if he is a human being, he will correct himself. I really hate people with badmouths torturing their wives mentally. And why should that happen to any girl? If you think it is something that many girls bear, ya, you are riight. but then when will we come out of such pain? Nobody must suffer like this. Your being so hurt and feeling bad is so harmful to the child, it not only affects the growth and health,but the whole life of the child.

I do not know how you can make it because circumstances and people around differ from person to person, but I know that what you are facing is never deserved by any wife, so please find a way to help yourself out of this mental torture.

Wish you the best

love

 

Hi Anjalika,

I just couldn't stop myself from replying.We are sailing in the same boat.

In my case my ILs would never admit that they have not brought him up properly.When I disclose the real problem to my DH or my ILs they would turn the situation against me and make me feel like i am the one at fault.They love to play such mind games.

My dh would never ever admit his faults.He would make me say sorry even if its not my mistake.

 

I have been in this situation and I really wanted to share my story.

My husband has a bad temper and a horrible nature as well. I, just like you cannot imagine I married a man who has only one plus---he is an ATM machine ...Thats it!

Over the years I have been married, I argued, fought, left the house, involved parents from both sides, threatened divorce...EVERYTHING!! He hasnt changed and the outcome turned out to be totally unexpected.

His parents now only say one thing, our son has a temper. When the husband screams the wife should keep quiet. So I have let them go. My health started falling apart and I do not want to tense my side of the family and my child who love me dearly. These pieces of s#$! are not worth our energy and effort.

The only solution I have for you is...Live your life as you want it. He yells, leave the house, shop at the mall, visit friends place or simply just drive or just lock your bedroom door and tell him you cannot speak to a barking dog and we will talk when he turns in to a human again. I simply tell my husband to dissappear multiple times and now for every sentence he barks, I say dissappear. He gets defeated just like that.:thumbsup

The screaming and fighting solution is not good at all. When you ignore, they lose. Especially in a house with kids, its not healthy for two people to scream all the time. Sometimes it is inevitable coz we are humans but better to ignore. And your involving inlaws......bad move:drowning.

 

Sophisticated,

"He then wanted to get into bed , my only reply was "go to your family"

I like and admire the way you said that to him.Only when we stand up for ourselves is someone going to respect us.For men it is very normal that they want things to go normal inspite of their irrational and abusive behaviour.I again congratulate you.Keep it going.:thumbsup

Anyone has to remember one thing;- "If we do not honour ourselves others would not".This should be especially followed by women who are facing this kind of crap from husband and his family who think they can talk whatever they please.

But we alway have to remember that being women we are more soft hearted and that husbands surely take advantage of that.Once they get their way, they are again back to normal like a dog's tail which can never be straightened.So we need to keep on badgering them with stuff where ever they are dependent on us.I dont mean to say this negatively but we need to make them understand that they are dependent on us too.We need to keep hitting this nail on their head till they realise that we are their better halves and that we deserve respect.:cheers

 

Dear Keerthu and Anjalika,

When he starts abusing or using foul language, just give him a look that they are pathetic and in front of them just close your ears with your fingers.I did the same and believe me the insult what he felt was showing on his face and the result was immediately i saw mouth getting shut.Period.After sometime then I let go of my fingers and said" Hmm, I think now you are done with your crap talk".Or say things like--"How come you are so educated.Did they teach these things at your university or Say did your mom teach you these things since you were a child along with feeding you." I am sure when things comes to their mothers character and we saying that probably they taught them these ad words will sometimes stop them in their tracks and they will stop uttering those words.But overall they are like a dog's tail and it requires always something to hit them on their forehead.A friend of mine recently said that " A man is like a pet dog".You should know how to keep it controlled and tame it accordingly.Though I found it very insulting at that point, I wondered later to recall the similarities.When you pamper them they go running around you.When you get pissed off with something they did, they start barking at you, since they think they are the superior species.