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Dh Wants To Take 2 Yr Old Son Along With Him To India

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Florentine, Jun 24, 2016.

  1. Florentine

    Florentine New IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,
    I'm new to this forum. Due to much mental disturbance, i decided i can share my problems here and get your inputs if any of you have been in my position . i'm confused what to do.
    I'm in US with my DH & DS. my hubby is planning to visit India for 3.5 weeks. its been 2 yrs since he last visited. this time he wants to take my DS along with him and i'm not approving saying i cant stay without my son . That is one of the reason along with many untold reasons.
    I and my son visited India early this year in january and returned in feb. my mil who was a working woman then, but now retired in april didnt even take a day off during our visit to their place. its been 2 yrs she last saw him and she didnt even feel like to spend time with him. bt after a week she took a day off to attend her mil's ceremony. i stayed there for a week with my son and returned to my moms place in bangalore. my Dh has an elder bro who is married and stays in pune. he has 2 daughters. neither he nor the inlaws made an effort to come and see DS in those 2 months. they even didnt wish my DS for his 2nd birthday.
    there are many such incidents happened even before when i travelled to India for my delivery in 2014. his bro didnt even attend my DS naming ceremony. their family never even bothered to come and see the new born. i was at my moms place for 3 months after my delivery and it was only once that his parents visited. its just 405km to travel to see their grandson and they didnt come. inturn mil was lying that she has some official work in bangalore and then she will come to see DS. really!!!!
    One more incident happened when i was pegnant and was at my inlawas place . one day i and mil went out to purchase a saree and as we were done with the shopping it started to pour heavily with thunderstorms and lightning. mil was worried more about her tv and left me(pregnant) alone in the middle of the road saying that she has to to take off the tv switch due to thunder and lightning and she sped away . i am new to that place and was not much aware of the roads. fortunately i managed to come in that heavy pour with very bad lightining. infact i havent yet complained to my hubby.

    despite many such things, my DH is not realizing these things . i dont want him to take my son and handover him to ppl who i dont trust .

    This is just the overview of my current situation. There are many incidents which makes me really uncomfortable to send my DS along with him to India. i know my DH is going to handover my DS to them and he will go out , enjoy and have a good time with his friends. what will my DS do with them who hardly knows them.

    i am just praying god to change his mind. i can never ever leave my DS to go and be wit them.
    Pls input your ideas, solutions and thoughts. each and every day there is a new story with me which makes me deppressed.
     
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  2. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    2 yr old kid has more emotional needs and has to be with mom.ask your h to book your tickets also and go for vacation along with your son
     
    anika987 and KashmirFlower like this.
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    yes. your 2 year old get scared, and may emotionally scarred for long term, if he doesn't see his mom for almost a month. And that too in new place , between new people. If ur H insists to take your son, you also should go along with your son, and this you are doing only for your son.
     
  4. Florentine

    Florentine New IL'ite

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    Thanks for the replies.
    he is asking me to accompany but again it takes back to past experiences where he and his family created issues. i do not want to face them again. Moreover i would go to Bangalore directly since its my place. but wants to book a to and fro bombay ticket where his bro stays. i would never want to see their faces for the things he and his wife have been doing . again there are many incidents. Am sure, just like the previous visit, he would ruin this visit too if i go to India. going home to my moms place, going to India is only becoming a dream for me.
     
  5. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Never never let your hubby take your baby without you. This will only set a pattern of your hubby and son going together on India trips always. Your kid needs his mother at this age .You know the baby's needs and responses. When the baby naps, food preferences etc.Be firm and tell your hubby baby cant go without you and you wont go becoz your in laws bother least about you.

    Why don't you do this experiment. Tell your husband to drop you to a Mall after your son's breakfast on a weekend. Make lunch for baby and put it in boxes. Tell your hubby to feed the baby at such and such time regarding lunch, milk. Tell him nap times too. Let him spend a day alone with baby. I am sure he will be climbing the walls by the time you come back. After that tell him how your in laws treated you and baby last trip and you wont want repetition . Hence don't want to go. Good Luck.
     
  6. Florentine

    Florentine New IL'ite

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    Thanks chocolate for the wonderful trick . :) you know what, i got the answer from him already as once i asked him to feed him as DS was taking too long to eat . I handed over it to my H and told him to better start practicising and how would you manage if you go to India taking DS. He said oh, that i'll manage there somehow and fled the scene. many times during fights i've told him that ur mom had given the bull **** reason just to come and see her grandson and have told him that none of his fly members were present during my delivery and none came to visit often too. Problem is hes very arrogant and doesnt accept things. he says i was hiding my son from them and thus they didnt visit.
    seriously!! can anybody hide a baby from somene!!!!! he never wants to acknowledge.

    due to petty misunderstandings infact failing to understand things is ruining our relation v.badly. he gets brainwashed from his fly members majorly his bro.i dont understand how to make my marriage stronger and make him realize what his fly is doing.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2016
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Land and depart from Bombay. Use that time to get over jet-lag and to pack. Keep it minimal - 2 days or so. Book the Bombay-Bangalore-Bombay tickets yourself or have your parent/sibling do it, so you have control over date/airlines. Drop this don't want to see their face, and stop recalling all of MIL's past misdeeds. Minimize the time you spend with them, but go. Don't let India trip and associated unpleasantness drive a permanent wedge between you and DH.

    It is just a matter of one trip. By next time, kid will be older. You did go in Jan ? (I recall reading), so treat this trip as a must-do rather than a vacation.
     
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  8. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, Manage some how says pawn him off to somebody else. Will your MIL, BIL or co sis worry if your baby doesn't eat properly. Definitely not. Do they know what he prefers. Nobody can '' Somehow manage a baby''. He is an innocent human who cant express himself just yet. A mother knows the baby best. If a good father , sometimes they too.

    In laws will say oh feed the baby this, we did to you. Take him here no problem. Tap water is best. Don't trust anybody regarding baby. Its always your word which shud matter.

    Stay firm and say you go he goes. Otherwise he stays here with you. No questions.

    I have had similar experience and had to put foot down by maintaining a stand. Keep doing it so your hubby knows it wont happen.It will work. Good Luck.
     
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  9. Frustatedwife

    Frustatedwife New IL'ite

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    Don't let the baby go without you.
     
  10. monkatpeace87

    monkatpeace87 Silver IL'ite

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    Why does ur husband wants to take the child with him?? Did he give any specific reason???
     

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