1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

DH pre-marital affair

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by happynpeace, Apr 18, 2011.

  1. happynpeace

    happynpeace New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Friends ,

    Nice to see you all...let me get into the topic...
    now it is 2 years since i got married...After 6 months i got to know that my hubby had an affair and he had decided to marry that girl ...I asked him directly and he said he had one but it ended and now no touch with her...when i asked him for more he said her name and the most upsetting thing is that her home is near to my hubby's home...we'l have to pass her home to reach his home....but he said nothing of that sort is in his mind now,....he also opened up that he had decided to marry her though the affair was not that strong n then dropped the idea bcos of some problem...i have since been asking him to tell the details but he wont....he said past is past and why you are spoiling our peace....the girl also got married before ours....

    I love him a lot and this thing comes in my mind now and then and i feel very sad and sometimes i cry alone....He loves me a lot..but i always think " will he be thinking about her"...and also doubt that he will be reminded about her whenever he go to his home....Am i bad thinking about my husband like this...Now i doubt him sometimes whn he talk with any woman...i know i'm not doing the right thing...help me please ....
     
    Loading...

  2. babyhopes

    babyhopes Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    35
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh baby..Pls relax.Trust your husband.Dont build your doubting disease which will end up in trouble.As far as he is good to you and giving assurance like he is ended with the previous affair you can handle smoothly.Dont think abt the past and spoil your beautiful future.Try not to make the mole into mountain. Be postive dear.All the best!!
     
  3. amul

    amul Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    971
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Female

    Dear happyandpeace

    Your husband gave you the answer dear.By thinking all those you are spoiling the present peace.As the girl is already married and I think ur husband is just fair enough and told you the truth.

    Now u be careful with your behaviour and see that u make ur presence with him such that he will not remind this girl again.

    dont behave in such a way that makes ur husband feel that...he did wrong by marrying you.Stop thinking toooo much and have peace.

    why do you need more details...its nice ur hubby revealed his love story...some of them will not do such thing.It is not sin to have love affair before marriage.....but after marriage he is with you and u say he is loves u alot...

    tooo much thinking will bring you to trouble and to stop for having such thoughts...engage urself with some work.

    take care
     
  4. happynpeace

    happynpeace New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    thanks babyhopes and amul...because that i dint had an affair and my hubby is my first love i just couldnt swallow the truth...but thanks friends for ur sweet replies...
     
  5. chitrajaraika

    chitrajaraika Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    8,651
    Likes Received:
    260
    Trophy Points:
    220
    Gender:
    Female
    You go smoothly with him but always keep an eyes on him and check his mobile -> call registers and mobile messages without knowing him that still they both are contacting each other and check anything recorded on the mobile.Dont do this before his eyes

    if he is having truly affection on you.get a promise from him that he dont need to avoid any matters from you.some gents are like that if they doing mistakes and bad things in the past means there is no need to discuss them with wife.They try to hide and escape and afraid problem may arises.but if they doubt wife means they will ask more questions to wife and fight with them.In true their wife might be in good character:rant

    Nowadays bad affairs are increasing more even married women.working wome and married men doing such mistakes very casually.:rant

    Only god has to punish them and divert them in good track.

    So enjoy your life with him but keenly note him always without his knowledge.Ask him to be true to you here after.
     
  6. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    happynpeace,

    Please do not spoil your happiness and peace over this issue. Your husband has confessed about his relationship, he has moved on and please let him move on.
    In my opinion it's not his past relationship but it's your thoughts that are making you insecure. Rather than first love or second love, why can't you think yourself as his ONLY love.
    Think positively and live a beautiful life.
     
  7. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,618
    Likes Received:
    438
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    I believe that the wife or husband should come clean about their past even before they get married. Maybe your husband falls in the category where he thinks past has nothing to do with present, so he thought there's no need to confront you about it before hand.

    Now that you are married and your husband had said that was his past and he got nothing to do with it now and also you say he's being affectionate with you, it's time you forgive and stop worrying about his past. The girl is married too and busy with her own life.

    Trust him, there's no need to keep an eye on him for everything like checking his calls, sms etc. He'll come to find out about it and may hold grudge against you for a long time for being suspicious of him.

    We can't forget everything, I am sure you know that. So do your husband. He may think of his past love/ affair every now and then, no one can stop. Even he can't stop himself. But that doesn't mean he still loves or misses her. For all you know he might be thinking luckily things didn't work out well with that girl or else he wouldn't have got such a beautiful sweetheart like you. :)

    Don't worry even if he has to pass her house every time he visits his parents.
    The memories may come back but it'll never touch/ disturb his heart.

    Let your husband know that you have full trust on him and he'll strive hard not to fail you.

    Don't dwell with the past, live a happy present and your future will be happier. :)
     
  8. skvs

    skvs Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    35
    Gender:
    Female
    past is past . past may come back into picture as well. both may happen which depends on individual . either to keep an eye or ignoring is how he behaves to you.

    If you feel like he is much attached to you , then dont suspect him. if he comes to know in future, he may feel bad. things may get spoiled.

    If you feel like what he says is not believable, then you have to take steps further. Only you can come to know better from his approaches.
     
  9. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    142
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi there,
    Forget the past. He has already told you that he has forgot everything. Then why do you think over it again and again?
    If you keep asking him about that girl, you are only reminding him about her. Whay do you want to do that?

    Also concentrate on something useful instead. Divert your mind towards dieting, yoga, exercises, learning a new language, maintaining a lovely garden, cooking new recipes, give a surprise gift, listening music, watching movies, etc, You wont find time to think over past things.

    If you keep thinking on that same issue, you will get tensed and show anger and slowly loose interest in other matters as well. So forget it once for all.
     
  10. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,729
    Likes Received:
    2,436
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    FOrget the past. Please do not spoil your present over his past affairs. Think fo it this way - he did not like them enough to get married else he would have.

    Bolded line - do not do that pls for your own good.

    No he will not be thinking bt her unless you keep raising that topic over n over . Leave thta behind - take your time if you need to - dont stay unhappy - he loves you else he would not have thought of telling this to you. Do not make him feel that he made a mistake trusting you. More you fight - more are the chances for his his thougths goign astray.

    i know it is not a good feeling but he is not bad either - so let it go. takes time. Stay as yuou were with him before he told his past to you.

    Good Luck.
     

Share This Page