1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

DH not interested or very less intrested in physical Intimacy - Please help

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by SDN, May 13, 2011.

  1. SDN

    SDN New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Ladies,

    I am a regular visitor of this forum and this has helped me in many ways to cope of with my married life..

    its been 1 and half years i am married and i have faced issues with Inlaws and DH being not supportive because of his own resons like they are elders etc. but i am able to cope up and now with inlaws its much better.. i have my own space..

    but the main issue is with my husband..he is not soo expressive from day one..he likes to be intimate only during nights and day time we should even touch eachother he will say, someone will watch and give some excuses and always avoides even small romantic moments..

    and when it comes to physical intimacy though he hugs me and stuff he is very lazy to do anything and expects me to be actively take part and he is jus too lazy to do anything and only if i ask he will proceed..

    when i compare my level of intrest in S** is more than him and i feel lost and manytimes i cry and sleep..

    but i would like to point that, we do have S** atleast once in a week and its not that he doesnt care for me.. he always postphones and say we will do tmrw and day after etc.. otherwise he cares for me a lot and ready to change anything for me. and always assures he will be there to take care of me in any moment..

    How should i bring the charm in my life and make my husband understand my feelings?

    Moderators - If any lines in my post doesnt abide with forum rules, please feel free to delete.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2011
    1 person likes this.
    Loading...

  2. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,323
    Likes Received:
    176
    Trophy Points:
    160
    Gender:
    Female
    SDN:

    Welcome to IL and glad to know your problems have been sorted out
    The one you have mentioned below, though I can see from where you are coming and what leads to your frustration, I have to say men's view of romance is very different from ours

    Yes, newly married, every woman has the right to express her desire, few men understand them, many dont.
    It takes a while for men to understand the woman's needs.
    Till that time, my honest advice would be to give and take policy.

    See what he likes and then express your desire.

    I am sure there will be changes, it is a matter of time.
     
  3. chitrajaraika

    chitrajaraika Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    8,650
    Likes Received:
    259
    Trophy Points:
    220
    Gender:
    Female
    SDN

    very sorry to hear.He may be depressed or pressurised by his job and relatives and inlaws.He may focus on his problem and not concentrating on You.So talk to him and plan for some outing or picnic.Go outing and have dinner outside and you talk with him openly and shower your affection and ask him why he was lazy.

    Ask him to show interest on you and give some healthy foods for him.you both can consult doctor if he is over pressurised means he wont concentrate on you.

    make him happy and try to know which was his favorit and impress him.Even you can prepare his favorite menus.Change the room appearance good:)

    surely he will change.You both have talk well but talk during picnic spot not in home.some people wont open their mouth in home:hide:
     
  4. SDN

    SDN New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Ptamil2007,

    Thanks for your quick reply. the thing is compared to my initiall months the frequency and his participation is reduced. we are planning for a baby and if we dont even try regularly for it, it will take a lot of time to happen right ? :(

    almost every night i discuss with him that he should change, he says yes and no much imrpvment..he feels free and happy( i assume so) if i just sleep off without expecting S** any day.. he doesnt even wake me up or get closer to me but just happily watchs tv and sleep..

    somtimes he directly as me, why are u soo crazy about S**, but i am not. i just expect a normal S** life. is it wrong :(
     
  5. SDN

    SDN New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi chitrajaraika,

    Thanks for your motivating reply. yes infact we tried that.. we went out for a trip for couple of days.. even during that time he was soo intrested only in watching places and photography but not in Romance. if we are out he doesnt even hold my hand.. inside the room he is happy and shares good time with me but again no active participation.. and he acts as if he is doing a favour on me.. because he know i expect it from him and he can manage without S**..

    Maybe yes i should try to convince him to consult a doctor..

    Yes actually he will be tried of work during weekdays.
     
  6. SDN

    SDN New IL'ite

    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Friends i need more advice and what u think about my issue. and also share if this is normal..
     
  7. ilovelife

    ilovelife Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi SDN,

    Even i am kind of in a similar situation, even my husband is a responsible and good person..but when it come to intimacy he is always moody and rearly he initiates it.

    try discussing your likes and dislikes like other ilites have adviced. and dont talk in anger or become emotional that will spoil the mood and leads to arugments.

    Lets wait for more inputs from others as it might help me also..

    Cheerup..
     
  8. grihasta

    grihasta New IL'ite

    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    people have different levels of sex drives. While it may be "normal" for some to have it once or twice a week, some may expect it daily, or some 1-2 times in a month. The best is to talk it out with the partner and arrive at a compromise.

    If you are trying for a baby, try to have sex around your ovulation times to increase chances. You don't have to have sex daily to conceive. Having it around your ovulation days is what matters most.
     
  9. Mom2499

    Mom2499 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    SDN,

    Hi, Nice to meet you here.

    I think your dh is preoccupied with some things in his mind. You have to be the person to bring him out. I am saying this because my dh was somewhat like that. He was very moody and kept to himself but I was a bubbly self wanting fun to happen any moment :rotflThat was the reason he loved me. When I started getting depressed, he was big time concerned and wanted me to be that way always and then I understood that I had to accept him for what he is but I had the freedom to create a fun mood and he would gladly participate. Now over the years, he has changed more like me :biglaughand I have changed as well, but more like him. :bonk
     
  10. Mahanu

    Mahanu Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    456
    Likes Received:
    138
    Trophy Points:
    95
    Gender:
    Female
    Any discussion on sensitive subjects at night (after getting to bed) may not get down well with men. Tiredness and drowsiness may block the message from getting into their mind. They may even feel such discussion as an intrusion to their relaxation and simply hear instead of listening.

    Instead of talking to him after getting to bed, talk to him during daytime, when his is free and relaxed, so that both of you have more time to open up and discuss. That will pave way for more mutual understanding. Once he understands your requirement, keep him reminding, at regular intervals, but subtly about the matter, so that it gets registered in his mind.

    Good luck!:thumbsup
     

Share This Page