Dh Moved Out...

Recently DH had started criticizing me more than usual. Almost 90% of the things I did would receive some form of criticism from him.
I had decided, inspite of all issues, I will still stay in this marriage for the sake of my little kids.
However, few recent incidents happened : once me and DH were fixing a table and DH drilled a screw so much that it completely went inside , this happened because DH was watching a video on his phone while drilling. I didn't say anything. DH cursed the table manufacturer using F words and I kept quiet and continued the job. later like after 15 mins, I mistakenly put some wire in a wrong position and DH had to loosen few screws to take out that wire. He got so mad that started cursing me, called me incompetent used F word for me, said he won't loosen a single screw and do it yourself to me, etc. I asked him - did i say even a single word when you just did a mistake? then atleast for the decency sake when i make a mistake you shouldn't have reacted like this. Please take your F word back. I don't want this language used again .

Next day, we had few guests and a little girl of our friends asked me for water, I gave her a water cup and she dropped accidentally. DH immediately said in front of everyone - Can't you even give a single cup of water to a little girl carefully? I responded by ignoring him, giving the girl another cup of water, told her- it's ok and moped the floor.

then next day, my SIL sent some video to my DH. DH asked my DD to say thank you and he started recording my DD. DD said - thank you. DH shouted at her and said - say thank you by taking each and every persons name in my SILs family. DD said no, I want to go to my mom and she came to me crying.
I went to DH and asked why make her cry for such a silly thing. He said - "here comes the advocate of my daughter" , I just broke down and cried so much and told him to STOP. I couldn't control my cries. My DH got so mad at this that he said - I will kill you and your daughter. STOP this drama. I will beat your daughter like anything. I went away from there and kept quiet.

Next day, I asked my DH to move out. I insisted again and again that he needs to move-out of our lives.
DH took few clothes, put those in the car and. while going he told my DD that "HEY, YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR BREAKING YOUR PARENT'S MARRIAGE. ARE YOU HAPPY? IT IS YOUR BLAME THAT THIS HAPPENED" my DD is a 51/2 yrs old. she cried a lot. and I folded my hands to him and said - please, please, please don't involve her in this. He said- stop your drama. you're poisonous. because of you DD doesn't like my SIL's family. He spitted on my face twice. I didn't react , only cried. He used the worst possible words that he could for me that I can't even type. I didn't use even 1 bad word for him . He said - I will break your face, I will take a shoe and break your face. I said - for now, just leave.

He left. Probably not forever... given the history, he would probably come back.

I have no support, i have little kids , a job, DD's passport is expired and we can't even renew because of covid. i can't tell parents in india because they will worry a lot and affect their health.

I feel helpless. I am truly sad.

 

I am sad for my daughter. She is asking me where is daddy. She is telling me how she misses him, how much she loves him. She said "I told god to disappear all Daddy's anger, screaming, shouting and make him a nice Daddy" . She said she wanted to talk to him and I called him and gave her the phone but he didn't answer or call back. So she asked me to send him him her message saying - 'Daddy, i miss you , i love you. please come back home. i have been waiting so long for you. i am sorry for making you mad. i won't do that again. please call me. ' I sent it to him. he didn't answer back or call back.
With the kind of person he is , i am very sure he wants to teach my DD a life long lesson that if you don't listen to your father and say no to me, i will leave you forever.
he already told her it is all your fault.
i feel soooo bad for this little girl. she is just 5.5 yrs old. she can't understand many thing. how can someone like a father make her feel guilty for life long...
but still she is missing him a lot.

she told me - "when he comes back. say sorry for everything and if anything is going to make him mad, just don't do it."
he is so lucky to have a DD like her but he just doesn't deserve her.
how can i tell her it is not your fault at all.

because of me , because i asked my DH to leave, my DD will be a fatherless child. i feel guilty for doing this to my kids.