DH is always upset

Venting out. My husband has joined his MBA program and is feeling the heat of it. mainly because his body is not able to cope up,he had long horrifying sickness and even worst treatment. I was of the opinion that he should rest for another year and get back his strength before joining the program. But he said that its already very late and we must go. Now we have to stay far away from college because of budget and he has to travel a lot, we cant afford a car. i offered him that me and DD can go back to india and he can stay with his college friends near college but it was again ruled out. Anyways now with the health issues and back to back assignment pressure, expenses etc. he is becoming increasingly irritated. every small little thing bugs him. i try to offload as much work from him as possible but it never seems to be enough. today he was very rude with DD so i decided to talk to him about this but he didnt say a word. just said he is not angry about anything! i am a decent judge of moods and i can tell for sure that he is irritated 90% of times. eg. we went to groceries shopping and he picked up most of the stuff and then on the way back he asked me why we bought so much that it was so heavy to carry it back home! i asked if i told him to buy anything, to which he had no answer but he was still in bad mood because everything was so heavy btw i picked up 40% weight and a toddler all the way back. another day he stretched his arms while he was on phone as if to ask a paper/pen to note something and i didnt respond in time as my hands were soiled as i was feeding the DD and he made such face as if i am making a blunder. i feel that he holds me responsible for everything going wrong in his life. one day he scolds me to pack in smaller lunch box another day he scolds me to pack in bigger. till now, wherever i could say, i have very calmly told him about the contradiction in his statements but i dont know how far i can pull it. i dont want to make an ugly scene so far away from home. i dont know how to handle the situation. i am okay with going back to india or putting baby to sleep before he comes and making such adjustments but i cant read his mind all the times that too when its saying so many contradictory things. He was such a loving husband and now everything has changed since we moved in here. i dont want my usual self to raise its head because then he wont be able to tolerate it and everything i worked on so hard will go waste.

 

You have hit the bulls eye

Yes our relationship has been very good. We have had our ups and downs but they were manageable. In hard times he stood by me and vice versa. He eveb kept me off from IL issues!

This defines my husband. He is not much of a people person but he is exceedingly well in other stuff and this MBA is all about speaking your heart out with all the diplomacy in the world. Both of them are not his forte. I have always felt that this degree, for that matter every book read, every interaction, every moment we live improves a person in some way. He is a very nice person who is learning managing relationship with himself and with rest of the world.

It was a life threatening illness which could not be diagnosed by the best doctors in north india for 4 months and then turned out to be rarest of the rare disease(only 3 recorded people in india got it and my husband was the only survivor). It was a nightmare in nightmare. Everyone just prayed that he survives at least. He underwent chemotherapy killing his immune system completely before it was naturally revived. He underwent detoxification programs from patanjli ayurveda and is now completely on ayurvedic medicines. We all knew that one year is not good enough to get these things out of the system and we could very well see that he was not well enough but he used veto to cancel my veto( he never used it earlier!).

I second every word you said. We have been moving around so much(shifting 3 places in a month) that we havent had a routine established for all of us. Now we moved to a place where we'll stay for a year at least so i will try to incorporate some healthy lifestyle for everyone in the family. Even i need to start doing those things so that i get toxicity out of my mind. Its so good to be reminded these things. Thanks

 

Yes, i have decided to give both of us sometime. He is a nice man and doesnt want to hurt me at all. In fact after yesterdays discussion he came to me in morning and said he didnt want this to happen but everything was too much for him. I cant tell you how much overwhelmed i felt. just a simple gesture takes off everything bad emotion . We went out for some pending stuff but it became like a holiday outing just because we were both our earlier selves

 

You said it right, he will hurt himself before hurting anybody and most of all me and DD. And if did that there must be Lot of hurt deep within him. I will do everything i can be to be a supportive wife that he deserves. Btw i am not a very good home maker but he married me because he thought he could bank on me in tough times. I should not let him down so easily.

 

Thanks Guesshoo for understanding my pain as well. Yes we both suffered a lot during his illness and most of all our DD suffered because she didnt get the mother time she deserved and she didnt get to know her father as well. We both try to fill up that time for her. I have a friend whom i can talk to when i am upset and i have had support of my parents and my guruji as well. Many people were standing by our sides, even the neighbors, i had never met knew what was going on in hospital from my parents and they prayed and offered blessings of their respective deities, priests etc. They even baby sit my DD when my parents were exhausted. I was blessed to have such support. Times were tough but all those prayers got answered and he sailed through that time. Apart from other support i have Indusladies where i come often and get solace, sometimes by offering opinion, sometimes by learning from other people stories, sometimes by just finding a shoulder to lean on. I have always been thankful to this forum for bringing us together. And I Do believe in God and I Do believe in prayers because i have seen what miracles prayers can do. I believe in so many things now. And i thank you from the bottom of my heart for making room for us in your prayers. Its the Best gift one can get. Thank you very very much