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DH having affair. How to confront?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by VanillaSky, Aug 31, 2013.

Page 6 of 6
  1. Jan 9, 2014 #51
    Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    VS, your naïveté is astounding.

    Your marriage does not have a hope of ever being healthy or happy unless your husband gives up his other romantic partners.

    I would have thought that would have been a blindingly obvious fact about any marriage. Wise up, girl.
     
    Ansuya, Jan 9, 2014
    Ansuya, Jan 9, 2014
    #51
    1 person likes this.
  2. Jan 10, 2014 #52
    simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    I wish you had bit more respect and love for yourself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2014
    simpleMom, Jan 10, 2014
    simpleMom, Jan 10, 2014
    #52
  3. Jan 15, 2014 #53
    VanillaSky

    VanillaSky Bronze IL'ite

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    He told me he knew them before he knew me and that he's on talking terms with them. He talks the same endearingly, which is over the top for me, with all these gals who 'touched' his heart in the past. He argues what's wrong in staying in touch when it doesn't go any further? They r married as well as he is. I told him it just hurts to know that they still have a place in his heart that they still mean something to him. He's also in touch with ex gf whom he wanted to marry but somehow couldn't. That hurt me even more than the manju episode. I thought he was over with it. He told me abt it on our first night and I responded saying it's past. I'll never ask u to explain u don't need to mention it to me again. But he contacted her without my knowledge, they had been in touch all along. He undergo tell me that I'm lucky to have him while others are crying they didn't get him. Thought he was kidding, it may have been about her. May be that's why he's so aloof and distant emotionally. He doesn't touch me except on rare occasions. He doesn't let me sit on the couch beside him gives irritated look baah! Easiest way to kill ur spouse is by not touching her and not ever giving a damn about her feelings, emotional needs. No hugs never. No holding hands, no sweet talk. now he wantsbme to go abroad to study mba, get good job and take the kids there. I asked what about u? Will the kids stay w/o u? Can u stay w/o them? He says it's for their future. But I believe a child has to be raised with her parents love and not just money. Ladies, plz advice should I go? And I don't want to leave my Kids with ils, they don't have the patience to raise kids. My parents have too many responsibilities already I don't want to burden them. I am sad and my thoughts are torn, I can say...
     
    VanillaSky, Jan 15, 2014
    VanillaSky, Jan 15, 2014
    #53
  4. Jan 15, 2014 #54
    VanillaSky

    VanillaSky Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear simplemom, when he asked me to leave if I don't trust him, I only thought of my younger sister and parents. How humiliating it would be for them. And my sister won't get proper alliances bcoz of me etc..I'll put it this way.I had too much self-esteem to let go and be degraded by everyone I knew. Cowardice, May be(
     
    VanillaSky, Jan 15, 2014
    VanillaSky, Jan 15, 2014
    #54
  5. Jan 15, 2014 #55
    complainBaby

    complainBaby Bronze IL'ite

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    He undergo tell me that I'm lucky to have him while others are crying they didn't get him. Thought he was kidding, it may have been about her. May be that's why he's so aloof and distant emotionally. He doesn't touch me except on rare occasions. He doesn't let me sit on the couch beside him gives irritated look baah! Easiest way to kill ur spouse is by not touching her

    do u have any self respect ? no ? looks like det's y he dont love u , leave him , u will get a better guy in future
     
    complainBaby, Jan 15, 2014
    complainBaby, Jan 15, 2014
    #55
  6. Jan 15, 2014 #56
    Nakshatra

    Nakshatra Bronze IL'ite

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    Vanilla Sky,

    Do the steps given by Anji Vicky and you will definitely get him back. Thing is not whether he is good or bad, he is just treating you low and thinking very high of him, you keep doing high things and he will try to reach you. But, don't involve him in anything you do. There was one nice story in IL itself where one lady's husband was taken away by her own sister and how she left him and won him back, you read that and it will give you confidence. You stop thinking about him and just think of you and your kid and be the way you used to be before marriage, stop expecting ...make him fall in love with you. Thing is if you walk out of this marriage, you have to find someone new and kids getting new father and all will be a big headache, instead try to work this way. Do this for one year and don't expect results overnight. After that also if he doesn't change, then it is his fate to lose a person like you.
     
    Nakshatra, Jan 15, 2014
    Nakshatra, Jan 15, 2014
    #56
  7. Jan 28, 2016 #57
    VanillaSky

    VanillaSky Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear ladies,
    Just thought of updating you all . Thanks for your appropriate advice.

    Some problems have stayed on. Like the in-laws issue. They've ganged up like hell. Now they say I married for money. They say I'm maintaining style n fashion by coming to a city from a small town etc. Can't see me happy the creeps.

    What's imp is I've got my confidence back.
    I told dh I don't care if he loves me or not.
    I go for zumba classes n lost some baby weight.
    Also studying data science-- hope it works out.
    I made friends in the neighbourhood.
    And there's a guy who gives me a lot of attention whenever he's around!! I didn't ask for it... The look on dh's face is a sight to see, lol. This is called Karma.
    Though I don't encourage the guys attention, it just made a point to my dh...
    Lastly n most imp, my kids are almost 3 and 6 now...n they love me to the moon :)
     
    VanillaSky, Jan 28, 2016
    VanillaSky, Jan 28, 2016
    #57
    14 people like this.
  8. Jan 28, 2016 #58
    TwilightStar

    TwilightStar New IL'ite

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    VanillaSky- Glad to hear about your newly gained confidence. That is the way to go. Ignore the inlaws for now. I am sure your husband will come back to you. Try getting a job. Data Science is a hot field and you will make good money once you land in a good position. Good Luck!
     
    TwilightStar, Jan 28, 2016
    TwilightStar, Jan 28, 2016
    #58
  9. Jan 29, 2016 #59
    soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    So happy for you. :) You Go Girl!
     
    soulful, Jan 29, 2016
    soulful, Jan 29, 2016
    #59
  10. Jan 29, 2016 #60
    Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

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    Good to hear this and that's the spirit.

    Be Independent and confident.He will soon realize your value.


     
    Harini73, Jan 29, 2016
    Harini73, Jan 29, 2016
    #60
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