DH having affair. How to confront?

Sorry that your husband is like this. Can you ignore him for sometime? I dont know if it elps but I have a feeling he is putting you down on purpose. I have a feeling there is nothing exciting happening between your husband and the girl and just that your husband is trying to show off that he is very much in demand. I did not understand one part. Are you saying he went on a trip alone with her to bangkok when your baby was 3 months old? I did not understand that. First find out if there is any truth in you suspecting him. It is pathetic that your husband keeps those messages and has not moved on even after marriaage to you and kids, but i dont think thats due to your lack of anything, it is his immaturity and stupidity, thats all. No responsible/faithful partner would do that. And even if they did, he should have stopped when he knew you were so uncomfortable. He is completely in the wrong. The meaning of mariage is when both spouses understand each other and respect each others feelings

 

Dont ask him abt it anymore. You seek the truth in other ways but dont ask him straight away. I think he is not taking you seriousl SO, you have tostop pesteering and first find out whether there is any truth to your suspicions. I dont what categroizes adultery or being unfaithful, but i would say ,if he is just trying to makeu jealous and ther eis nothing more to it, then dont show ur anger or jealous. But if you feel he is serious, then you may have to decide whether u want to live with him. the bottomline is- dont let this make you lose you sanity, be patient and smart about it and find out the complete truth.

 

Hi VanillaSky, Hugs to you. I read your other thread. No wonder your DH is bold enough to go philandering :rant
I really don't know what to say... Maybe you could try being more independent emotionally ? Is DH the only earning member ? Financial independence is also a plus.
Don't show interest in trying to find out what he's doing with his ex. He may be enjoying tormenting you, just as his parents and the rest of his family did. Show that you don't care.
Take care.

 

i read your other thread tomg you have gone though a lot.Hugs to you dear.
I would say just let this guy do whatever he wants.You concentrate on your kids and seek love and affection from other close relationships like your mother,close female friends.Talk to them,share your problems.
Your H is not really into you.I wonder why he married you at first place if he has problem with your background.He should have married his type of a person.:rant
He has spoiled your life in process.

 

It breaks my heart to see that new mother with new born has go through this. New Born needs all your energy/time/resources. The mother needs care and attention. The DH of yours is doing the unforgivable during the most vulnerable time of your life. Even if he stops what he is doing and commits to you, I always wonder whether anyone can forget such deeds and accept the "cheating" spouse. You may decide to stay in the marriage for thousand other practical reasons. It will not be the same, no matter what. So I suggest you to have a career, hobby, other good relationships(friends, parents, siblings). You don't feel the need for validation from your spouse alone.

 

Dear OP

To me what ever you are feeling seems correct.I dont think anyone would feel comfortable if their spouse maintains a relationship with their ex.even if it is just a chat through sms.

But in your case , I think you should first understand their level of relationship before you decide what to do next.Am saying this because some of ur hubby's remarks that you are a village girl etc seems like he wants to tease u and enjoys seeing u irritated.

so before u assume if they are still in touch or they got physical etc, find the truth. Since u have mentioned he is locking the mobile , try to read the data from his memory card.This u can do while u know he wont be around for sometime like when he takes bath etc.. u just copy all the contents to ur laptop and place the card back.u can go thru all the details when u r alone. when u have gone thru the things u will understand if he is still in touch with her etc (see the date of creation of the files etc).

if he is only storing old stuff , ignore that and try talking to him saying u are looking to spend time with him in these ways and ask him what is his expectation on u.. try and sort out ways to meet both.

But if u see new stuff ,then save them properly as evidence (keep enough backups in email ,another pendrive etc) and confront him .Tell him , u wont let him have an affair and enjoy his life.say u ll go to court and demand huge money..

Yes we all look for love from our husband..but tats only until they are loyal to us.. dont waste ur love if the person does nt deserve it.

 

I am back in this thread with curiosity. I hope you found peace. Actually, there cant be "any peace" ever, once you learn that your spouse has cheated - emotionally/physically/spiritually/does not matter - on you. Forgive/forget/move on may not work, especially since you are dealing with it during your "new motherhood" days. I have no suggestions to mend your relationship with your spouse.

These are the suggestions for YOU to make yourself a slightly more happier person.

==> You don't do entire child work - feed/sleep/bath/play. This is too much for you. Ask him for help. If he does not agree, then hire help. He cant say NO to both - help or hire help.
==> Go and watch movies with your friends
==> Most importantly, build a career for yourself. All of us need some kind of awakening in lives. Think that this is yours.
Have a life that does not include spouse. Regardless of whether he comes around or not, you will have more fulfilling life.

 

Does not your DH share your responsibilities of kids? He has to. You did not have child by yourself. He should leave you with some time for yourself. You must act and pursue a career for your self. The more coward you are, the more he will take advantage of you.

Have a good conversation with him. Don't bring the affair talk. Just speak about your self. Tell him what is bothering you. You need help with kids. You understand that he is busy with work. Tell him that lack of anytime for yourself is spoiling your health. In such state, it is becoming hard for you to be a good mother to children. You want to study or enroll in a course. Don't confront him on any of the issues that are bothering you. It seems like his lack of love towards you is hurting you. But that's OK. You can be far better person/mother if you build self esteem. I am sure he will come around if he wants to but you will be driver's seat then.