DH got job offer in abroad,Inlaws want to live with me to support me!?! pls advice

Hi friends,

I am married for nearly 8yrs,blessed with loving DH & beautiful angel as DD(20months old), I live in a nuclear family set up, my mom n Brothers family stay near to my place, my inlaws live with my BIL's family to support them physically(taking care of household chores n kids), they come to live with us for few months in a year, I had terrible experiences living with them, though I treat them very we'll n never ask them to help in daily chores, they still create lot of drama, I think they take advantage of my n my DH soft nature, Bil n co-sis r very cunning n manipulative, all in all my DH has asked me to stop speaking to them except on important occasions( my DH knew how much they tortured me verbally).

Now the problem is my DH is getting Job offers abroad,initially he wants to go alone he wants us to move there after few months once he settles down for which I am completely fine, I can stay alone n manage my Home,my Mom n brother stay nearby,I will rely on them only incase of emergencies but my DH wants my inlaws to stay with me for which I am totally against as they will make my life miserable, how can I convey the same to DH n inlaws politely but firmly, Pls suggest

 

Re: DH got job offer in abroad,Inlaws want to live with me to support me!?! pls advic

Thank you each of one of you for all your wise replies.. I forgot to mention in my first thread that I was in similar situation immediately after 2months of my marriage, my DH went abroad n I chose to live with my inlaws at our own flat, my parents also lived in the same city but at a distance of 25kms, at tht time as I was new bride I didn't know the PILs can make my life hell, our biggest mistake was to inform about our career plans in advance to my PILs n BIL,immediately my BIL made my co-sis stay at my place for delivery as they will get all facilities at free of cost, she had Seemantham at my place, delivered baby boy, had naming ceremony,my co-sis family stayed for more than a month at our place n even abused me, I was working at tht time, I was very busy with my Job n didn't had a clue of what's happening around me,even I lost one pearl set also my parents visited only for 2days in the whole 5months duration of my stay with my inlaws , I lost my Dad after 2yrs of all this happenend.


Moreover my inlaws has careless attitude n r very unhygenic for example my FIL is a chain smoker n he hardly wash his hands before lifting my DD( we both literally have to shout at top of our voice for this) for this both my PILs create a drama, my FIL smokes even during night times for this he will go out n one fine day he forgot to lock the door, I somehow woke up tht night to have some water then I noticed the door was open widely, tht night I had shock of my life, next morning when I confronted him he tole me very casually tht he forgot(tht was a reckless answer),like this so any issues,so I decided this time I will not repeat my past mistakes..

my flat is in a gated community so security n facilities no issues, my DD goes to nearby play school it is in walkable distance but we hired school van for safety issues,groceries, bills n medical,everything I manage now so no issues,in case of emergency my mom(dad is no more) bro n family will support me(no doubt abt it), inlaws could n live with me for few weeks but not for the entire duration. I agree tht these sugar-coated talks won't help me to deal with my inlaws, they make your bp levels raised to the extent of being blunt, but somehow I can't be so with elders( that's why they take me for granted)

My DH knew also this that's why he is not even informing them about our plans in advance but I think he feels helpless if they say tht they will come to stay with me to support me, How do you think he can/ I can answer them?

 

Re: DH got job offer in abroad,Inlaws want to live with me to support me!?! pls advic

I am used to staying alone at abroad at night times when my DH was away due to work reasons even now I stay at times alone with my DD, Me n my DH believe tht we shdn't disturb other's daily routine just for us n vice-versa, my mom too stayed alone for 2years after my Dad passed away, now my bro n his family stay with her..