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DH Got emotionally connected with a Female co-worker in Official trip

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cutesmile09, Jun 27, 2015.

  1. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    why do you think about suicide?you have one more person in your life ,your daughter.Love her and live for her.
     
  2. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you Periammaji for your quick reply, I don't want to take my life as I have not done any mistake other than trusting my DH blindly, definitely I will fight for my rights as I can't give up so easily, Can anyone pls advise me what shd my next step, I can't discuss this issues with our families as they will blow it up for sure.. How can I handle this all alone by myself?
     
  3. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you want to handle this alone?

    Why do you want to hide this from both families?

    I feel both the above intentions are unwise.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Dear, Just because he told you about his feeling doesnt mean what ever he did is correct. As u said, this new job gave a vacuum in your love life, please try to spend more time with him and make your personal life complete. Make him understand what all he is goign to loss for the his act.
    I personally know 2 PM's in my company having EMA and that person already divorsed his wife who is also a PM in the same concern. that lady with two kids having horrble marriage life. still they roam together in office premises.
    I didnt tell this to scar you. prevention is better than cure.
     
  5. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you Sandhya for your advice, if my family will come to know abt this sure they will support me n will ask me to divorce him, still I feel I have some hope on my 10yrs relationship which is making me to act wisely..@ Iamlucky, thnx for sharing your experiences,I did all the best I could in all these 10days after he came from this trip n made him happy n satisfied( emotional n physical) ensured him that I am there for him but I said I couldn't tolerate any such behaviour in future but again c he is hiding her msgs from me n when I confront he is begging me for apology...otherwise he is behaving very normal n happy with me... Still unable to decide what to do n how to react?
     
  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Do you? Are you indeed going about this wisely? That is the question.

    OP, is this ^^^ what you meant by acting wisely? Are you sure this is the thing to do? Do you see that your h is getting favorable reaction from you no matter what he does? He enjoys being with this other woman and continues secret contact with her in spite of your telling him not to. Clearly he is disrespecting you and his commitment to you, right? And your reaction to his disrespect is to ignore it completely and instead be all over him, giving him full attention, satisfying him emotionally and physically in all the ways. Wow! what a lucky guy! Could life be any better for him? Why shouldnt he behave normal and happy with you when you are pampering his ego and satisfying him so well? All he has to do is beg sorry whenever he gets caught -- you are so insecure you forgive him and also behave extra sweet to him. Other than that there are absolutely no consequences for his behavior.

    But what about you OP? OP I am trying to warn you that your actions are sending him wrong message. Okay so if you were to put yourself in his shoes what are you most likely to do in this situation --continue/ intensify contact with that girl /initiate contact with even more girls --->get even more attention and pampering from wife or cut even the initial contact? hmm?
     
  7. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    It happens that you get emotionally connected during trips. You spend a lot of time together, face new (sometimes challenging) things together. I used to travel a lot in one of my previous position. I got used to recognize the situation and made effort to not act on my feelings.

    Spend a lot of quality time together. As long as he does not act on his feelings everything is ok.
     
  8. stappe

    stappe Senior IL'ite

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    I agree with what CrayoNess said.

    But if it helps cut down your suspicion, why don't you ask your husband to cancel the trip. Maybe that will sooth your nerves a bit.
     
  9. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    the age old advice...you simply question him back...is wife impt to you or that PM?
    Will you be ok if I were at ur place and you at my place?????
    If ur msges r related to work you havve to delete them????Also tell him that you are no fool...
    pppl have professional email a/cs and skype/hotmail msg whtever company uses to chat office related stuff. Not whats App.
    If still have like in my office we have whats App group of my team , but that is so very professional group that every day we have daily scrum meeting in office so if any one is coming late we just mention that in tht group like 'I'll be late today' infact its group of 3 gals and 1 guy. The guy is married but if there is n ot chit chat going on in group why will his wife be worried...


    So first of all ask ur DH whts going on?>???if its clean chat why he has to delete??? Tell him, to find good ppl at work or else where is not uncommon...but one should know the limits and moreover...emotional connection never happens without pushing own limits and willingness to connect.....




    Tell him how much you love him and cant see him thinking of other woman not even for sake of chat on whats App...ask him does he delete chat history of all whts app chats with other frds of his???if not why here???just coz wht happened earlier???also like ur DH and Tht lady they might having more PMS ..ask ur DH to creat group to have chat conversation with all PMS nt just they 2...


    Ask him to stop before it gets into messy situation....dont show you feel weak though you feel...if you have a doubt you have full right to get it cleared as a wife....

    And yes spend real good time with him...
     
  10. DrKadambari

    DrKadambari Gold IL'ite

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    Many women think that they know their husband well and that they can handle a situation like yours with their husband wisely.

    Nope you do not know your husband any more, there is another face to him which he does not want to show you.. and again he does not want to mess up with his married life too. Now why is he doing this, is there a mistake in you - no affairs dont start bcas wife is not good or understanding or anything at all.. even when wife is beautiful, understanding, educated in good job and satisfying him.. for some men when there is a chance to have another women they would not want to give up a chance thats come their way.

    I am not generalizing but thats the tendency of some men. They would have sob story about their wife not being good to them not satisfying being laid back.. what not.

    Nip it in the bud, you putting efforts be a great company physical and emotional will not solve this issue. They have 100s of means to communicate.. talking only during work.. have timings to chat, no pinging when hez at home.. all these code and secret languages they would have fixed..

    Make a rukkus handling this like gentle'womenly does not work..

    I have walked your path and handled it myself and thought just like you.. It was WRONG.
     

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