Dh Blames Me For Every Bad Thing

I am sorry for what you are going through. All these look like simple and childish things to be bothered about but only one who goes through it knows the pain.
I feel your husband expects a bed of roses in every thing and every where. He is also scared of the thought of being responsible for any situation. That is the reason he is asking you to plan and pick everything. So he has a person to blame in case of any mistake or disappointment.
My suggestion is when he asks you to pick a restaurant simply say - "I am thinking of having mexican/italian but you are more specific about food. Do you want to choose something that you can have or are you fine with my choice?"

Only once you stop taking your husband seriously, it will stop effecting you. It takes time and practice.

Be thankful that your husband only stops talking to you. My husband starts shouting, throwing things on every little thing and he doesn't calm down even if he shouts for an hour or two. Finally he has to call my parents who are in India at odd times and start blaming for all the things since the beginning of the marriage(he has a list ready all the time). Only after that and some silent treatment, he becomes normal after a day. Comparing to this, your husband looks like a saint to me .

 

Hi Snehal,
Warm hugs for being able to face this situation because this is not easy . Your husbands behaviour is a clear indication of lack of self confidence which could be due to various reasons. Parents or teachers who are too critical and those who pin point each and every fault, and expect perfection as a standard could contribute to such a personality. He needs to be told by a clinical psychologist that such behaviour is not healthy for a relationship. I am sorry, but that is the best option available that would help both of you .
Thanks
Malini

 

This is a known phenomenon. Psychologists refer to it as "Low Frustration Tolerance". It is a form of stress. I know people like your husband. Cognitive-Behavioral therapy can help, if he is willing to face up to his limitations and work toward overcoming them. Otherwise, there's not much you can do; but you can try to raise your child differently. As for your husband, he needs to first admit that his behavior is affecting his long-term wellbeing and his relationship with you.

See:
Teach Frustration Tolerance to Kids
Irrationalities Related to Low Frustration Tolerance & Short-Range Hedonism

You might try printing such pages out and leave them lying around the house, without saying anything directly.

 

This is all because of the issues your DH has I Suspect My Husband Is Gay. he is just trying to take out his frustration on you, fix the underlying issues otherwise this will go on forever.

 

Dear OP,

You have cried enough for him and his actions. Stop doing that and take control of your life. You need to gain some confidence and be assertive.

He is behaving this way to you because you are allowing him to treat you this way. Did you ever tell him about how you feel when he blames you for restaurant food , or any other reason which you don't have any control of. If you go to bath room and and cry , how he know it? Did you communicate to him that you cannot tolerate this nonsense anymore. Have you told him to stop.

Next time when he ask you to plan something, tell him very clearly that you will do plainng only if he keep silent and not blame you. Other wise give a list of restaurants and ask him to select one. Then tell him , if anything goes wrong with food you don't want hear any complaints. If he want he can complain to the chef of the restaurant not you, because he selected his menu. Be strong . If he complains, stop doing any planning for him and ask him to do it your self.
Let him know that you will do only if he stop this bahaviour.

Another approach, I think is not to give any importance to this behavior. Just behave as if you don't care about something you cannot control- food or traffic light or whatever. Be cool.

He knows his issues . He know that he spoiled your life. He wants to make him feel good by making you cry or unhappy or create a feeling that all issues are with you not him. He is just playing a blame game to hide his insecurities and problems. That is the core issue in here. His lack of confidence and inferiority complex due to sexual issues may be the reason.

You have been with him for long. You are sacrificing your life for him. At least learn to lead your life with confidence and learn to deal with his bad behavior in a smarter way.

Just tell him in a calm, cool and assertive way "this is the best I can do..if you can do a better job..then do it yourself " .

If he complains stop doing it. If he asks you again, then set rules and go from there. Don't allow anyone to disrespect and mistreat you. Be strong. Keep your head high. You need to love yourself and respect yourself first.

 

pretty true. he seems to have serious inferiority complex. this is something he needs to realize. you have to help without increasing the fight. job search game has changed, atleast in usa. it is lot about skills and show case of the same.

 

That is really a positive approach. Even if you are successful in one out of 5 such attempts, ( of trying not to let his blame affect you) it's worth it. Gradually you can become more tolerant. As you become more and more tolerant and mature , an inevitable change will take place, he will gradually change himself.